I never knew this search for an answer would be so exhausting. There are some truths I've discovered for myself. The first thing was, we live in a created world; a world that was spoken into existence by a loving God. On the sixth day of his work, He created man with clay then His living breath was poured into his lungs. Later, He gave him a wife to love.

“Why did He create man?”

He created us to love us. In return, we were supposed to love Him and each other. Mankind was to become the ultimate object of love.

“Are we the ultimate object of love that God sees?”

How could humanity be an object of love with this much hatred in the world? So why doesn't love rule in this world?

Is Satan walking among us on this planet? I know Satan uses people to do evil things.

Does God use people to work miracles on earth?

“Why doesn't Jesus return to take us home to heaven?” It would eliminate all hate, pain, and suffering on the earth.

This is my dilemma, each discovery I make, only asks more questions.

So, after several days of searching through scripture and the internet, I was lead to the purpose of a Christian life. The goal of any Christian is to love. Love the Lord with all your heart, your soul, and your mind. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. That's what Jesus said in Matthew 22: 37-39. Those two great commandments given to us by our Savior are the basis of all God's commandments. Jesus preached love all through the New Testament, and everywhere He went.

“Well, I've learned a lot, but I still don't know why He healed me. All I can do is trust God, and hope He'll answer me. Maybe, I need to see the cross again?” That thought has been continuously nagging me for the last week.

Craving a change in scenery, I head out the back door then grab a seat in my old lawn chair on the patio. “Boy, do I need to mow the grass.” Then my stomach growls. “Not before feeding the inner man. There are some peanut butter and jelly in the fridge, I think?”

With the needs of the lawnmower and myself met; I'm trudging around the back yard in a square pattern. Stopping to wipe the sweat from my brow, I notice the blue-gray clouds beginning to roll in from the south. They allow in a few breaks of turquoise from the sky above, creating an interesting pattern. I'm studying this one cloud. In particular, it looks similar to the one I saw above the cross. I can't take my eyes from it, and the face begins to form again.

I am mesmerized, a word explodes inside my mind.

FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE!

I'm shaken from my trance when the lawnmower stops running. I must have let go of the handle. I'm looking back to the sky for the cloud with the face; it's nowhere in the sky. “Of course, it isn't there. Forgive, who am I supposed to forgive, God, and for what?” I shout to the sky. No answer!

After restarting the lawnmower, I continue mowing the backyard in a daze.

Twenty minutes later, I stumble in the back door, grab a water from the fridge then sit down at my computer. Google search pops up on the screen, and I type in the word, forgive. “Great! 132,000,000 sites in 0.44 seconds. Well, that should keep me busy for a couple of years.”

Confused and deflated, I make it back outside to my lawn chair in the shade. I'm staring up at the sky when suddenly I'm shocked back to reality. “Tommy!” It's my loud neighbor, Ken. He must have a hearing problem. “Where have you been, Tommy?”

“Right here, Ken. I've been researching a problem for about a week now.”

Ken smiles. “Well, guess who just called Alice?”

I start to laugh. “Don't have got a clue, Ken.”

“Your ex-wife, Clara! She's coming to Milan for a quick visit. You remember Alice and Clara were best friends the whole time she lived here. Before she left you for that rich doctor.” Ken laughs loudly. “Alice said, Clara couldn't take any more of that hospital. She's in Memphis; her son is sick. Clara thought she would pop in for a couple of hours.”

I feel my shoulders slump, my stomach flips over, and I ball my fists in rage.

FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE!

Those three words scream through my mind. I begin to relax. “What's a matter with Clara's son, Ken?”

“Oh, I don't know. Some rare blood disease, thing. Her son needs a transplant of some kind, but they can't find a donor anywhere. If he doesn't get one soon, he won't make it. Just thought I'd let you know your ex will be by in an hour or so. Call us if you want to see her.” Ken smiles, slaps me on the back then ambles back to his house.

My mind is launching itself into space at a million miles per hour. Is this the reason for everything that's happened to me. To keep my cheating ex-wife's son from dying. “Lord, I'm not sure I can do this.”

No answer!

“I don't have a choice, do I?”

Again, no answer!

Slowly, I head back into the house to take a shower. Don't want to be funky when I see Clara for the first time in fifteen years.

~

I'm opening my Bible to Luke 23: 34 to read the words of our Savior, dying on the cross: Then Jesus said, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.” Those words echo through my entire being.

“If Jesus could forgive the men who drove the nails into His body, I can forgive Clara.”

There's a peace that surrounds me now. One that I've never known before. I guess there was anger hidden away, deep in my soul. It was keeping me from achieving this incredible peace that I now feel. I have finally found what I've been searching for my entire life.

“Amazing!......Thank you, Lord.”

Ten minutes later, I'm standing in front of Ken and Alice's house, looking down at my shoes. “My old black Chuck Taylor's, my best pair of jeans with only one hole in the knee, my new Hippie 105.3 tie-dyed tee-shirt, I even braided my go-tee!” I nod at myself in approval.

My knuckles rap against the Oak door, I see an older model Chrysler Town and Country van with Ohio plates in the driveway. “It must be Clara's.”

Ken opens the door. “Well, come in Tommy. All of us are in the kitchen.” He leads the way through the living room.

Alice is pouring a cup of coffee; her smile brightens when she sees me. “Tommy! How are you, love?” She wraps her arms around my neck then kisses my cheek with a warm hug. “It's been two months since we've talked, you need to come over and have a cup of coffee.”

Alice is the best thing about Ken. A warm and loving friend to all who meet her. She brushes her long blond-gray hair out of her sparkling blue eyes. There's an aura of love around Alice that no one else possesses, she's the one who led me to the Lord. “Sit down and lets talk, sweetie.”

Clara is running her index finger around the lip of her cup, studying its shape. Slowly, she raises her beautiful face with a smile and those dark brown eyes that can melt the polar ice cap. “How are you, Tommy?”

“I'm good, Clara. The years have been kind to you, darling.”

“Believe me; this takes a lot of work. Are you still writing?”

I smile. “It pays the bills. Tell me about your son.”

Clara looks around. “Where did Ken and Alice go?”

Laughing, I say, “That's Alice for you. She's always trying to set me up with some single lady from church. They're probably on the patio.” Clara's smile is amazing. “Tell me about your son, sweetie.”

“Oh, Tommy, I don't want to talk about that now. I want to sit here and try to find some rest.”

“Well, let me see if I can give you some. I want you to know that I truly forgive you for all that happened at the end of our marriage. Please forgive me for all the awful things I said. I never meant any of it. Guilt was crushing me for letting you down and not being there when you needed me. No wonder you turned to Doctor whatever his name was.”

Clara laughs. “Dr. Timothy Graves, a walking penis with eyes. The only thing he ever gave me from two years of marriage was a boat full of infidelity and a wonderful son named Ian. It always comes back to Ian.” She swallows back the tears. “I knew you didn't mean all the things you said, but I appreciate the forgiveness. It does lift a burden.”

“There was something that I did find through all of my searchings for true peace; forgiveness is the key to unlocking the final door to true happiness.”

“Wow, Tommy, you did find what you were looking for.”

“Only recently.” I reach out then take her hands in mine. “Please, tell me about Ian?”

“There's so much to tell, but I get tired of telling the same story over and over.” She sips her coffee. “He's a good kid, Tommy. Red hair with freckles and so loving. Nothing like his father, thank God! Three years ago, we found out he has a rare form of Leukemia that Chemo has no effect on. So, he needs a Bone Marrow transplant to stop this disease from taking his life. The problem is, he has the second rarest blood type, O negative. We've only found three possible donors an all three were not DNA compatible. If we don't find someone in a month or so, I'm going to lose him.” She can't stop the tears this time.

“Clara, the Lord, has taken me on this spiritual journey for many years. Every step I've taken has been leading to this one moment of fulfillment in my life. God has brought you here to save your son! I'm O negative, and I believe you'll find me in the best health of my life.”

Clara is stunned; she pulls my hands towards hers then lays her forehead on our hands. She begins to weep. Slowly, I stand then take her in my arms. I feel the love pouring out of my body. Clara raises her eyes to mine. “Oh, Tommy.”

“It's okay. We'll take my Jeep. Let's go to Memphis and save your son.” We both fly out the door and don't even say goodbye.

Six months later.

Clara, Ian and I, walk through the trees into the clearing where I found the cross on the hill. Of course, it's not there. I never told anyone about the cross or the fact that God healed me to save Ian. But I know, and my faith has never been stronger.

I look at Ian with a big smile. “How do you feel, Ian?”

His face is glowing. “I'm a little tired, Tommy. But my spirit is soaring with the eagles!”