| General Non-Fiction posted March 26, 2017 |
  |
They were 3 and 5 years old, and missing.
Parental Kidnapping ( Potlatch)
by jusylee72
Imagine this for 3 minutes.
You don't know where your children are. They are only 3 and 5 years old. You let them go on a non-scheduled visitation. It is now the first few minutes when they are supposed to be back. It's only 3 minutes. They will be home soon. They will run to you and hug you. Surely, there must be a reason for the delay. Maybe the cell phone information you have is incorrect. Maybe, they forgot to charge their phone. Maybe, they got stuck somewhere where there is no cell phone service.
Now, it is three days. You have called everywhere. You have called all your ex-husband's family. Everyone claims to know nothing. Nothing at all. Your second husband starts berating you.
"I told you so. You should have never let them go. You get no child support. You just assume he is going to be responsible."
You call the authorities.
"What kind of custody do you have?"
"Oh, we just decided to trust each other."
"In that case, you have no legal recourse. Either parent can take the children and go where ever they want to."
Now, I will talk about what I did when this happened to me.
There is another child involved from my second marriage. Matthew is eighteen months old. I have no choice but to get up every day and work to support the child I have in my home.
My ex-husband had remarried. In fact, he left me for the woman he is with. I was immature, devasted and so I found my own rebound marriage. Someone I thought loved me but did not. He honestly thought he did, but in truth, he simply wanted to control me. He paid child support for his children, so he pressured me to ask the same from my ex. When I didn't get it, he talked me into refusing to let my ex-husband see the children. I complied, just as I had been taught to in childhood. After all, the man is always in charge and correct. Right?
My new husband was abusive. Convinced that I was sleeping with every man I met. My children hated him. Yet, I was convinced I was the one who needed to change.
I went bankrupt searching for my children. It took four months, four long months of devastation. I found them in California.
I spent every penny, I had to get them back to me. In the meantime, my new husband lost his job because he claimed to be hurt. He also continually told me I was nothing. I believed him.
I got my children back. What was the cost? Injured, emotionally hurt babies, who love both their parents and who couldn't comprehend why they couldn't be with both of us.
I was full of rage, uncontrollable anguish, and guilt. It took me four more years and more damage to my children before I left the abuse.
My children are now grown. They are survivors. Amazing people who also understand forgiveness and strength. I can honestly say all of us love deeply, hurt deeply and forgive without demands.
Deep pain grows a keloid scar on our hearts. It can't be removed.
It is a permanent fixture in our lives. However, our attitudes, our understanding in our imperfection connects us with each other. My children and I love unconditionally. My grandchildren are the jewels in my grandmother crown. We have all decided not to let past pain control who we are now.
Anyone can come to me and tell their story. I will understand, whether you be at fault, a victim or a bystander. My mistakes are no bigger or smaller than yours. Acknowledging them will be your security. Demanding growth will be your walkway. Life will get better a tiny step every day.
The truth is so simple. We both hurt our children and each other. We both thought we were right.
There is no greater wrong.
But with forgiveness.
Life will go on.
Imagine this for 3 minutes.
You don't know where your children are. They are only 3 and 5 years old. You let them go on a non-scheduled visitation. It is now the first few minutes when they are supposed to be back. It's only 3 minutes. They will be home soon. They will run to you and hug you. Surely, there must be a reason for the delay. Maybe the cell phone information you have is incorrect. Maybe, they forgot to charge their phone. Maybe, they got stuck somewhere where there is no cell phone service.
Now, it is three days. You have called everywhere. You have called all your ex-husband's family. Everyone claims to know nothing. Nothing at all. Your second husband starts berating you.
"I told you so. You should have never let them go. You get no child support. You just assume he is going to be responsible."
You call the authorities.
"What kind of custody do you have?"
"Oh, we just decided to trust each other."
"In that case, you have no legal recourse. Either parent can take the children and go where ever they want to."
Now, I will talk about what I did when this happened to me.
There is another child involved from my second marriage. Matthew is eighteen months old. I have no choice but to get up every day and work to support the child I have in my home.
My ex-husband had remarried. In fact, he left me for the woman he is with. I was immature, devasted and so I found my own rebound marriage. Someone I thought loved me but did not. He honestly thought he did, but in truth, he simply wanted to control me. He paid child support for his children, so he pressured me to ask the same from my ex. When I didn't get it, he talked me into refusing to let my ex-husband see the children. I complied, just as I had been taught to in childhood. After all, the man is always in charge and correct. Right?
My new husband was abusive. Convinced that I was sleeping with every man I met. My children hated him. Yet, I was convinced I was the one who needed to change.
I went bankrupt searching for my children. It took four months, four long months of devastation. I found them in California.
I spent every penny, I had to get them back to me. In the meantime, my new husband lost his job because he claimed to be hurt. He also continually told me I was nothing. I believed him.
I got my children back. What was the cost? Injured, emotionally hurt babies, who love both their parents and who couldn't comprehend why they couldn't be with both of us.
I was full of rage, uncontrollable anguish, and guilt. It took me four more years and more damage to my children before I left the abuse.
My children are now grown. They are survivors. Amazing people who also understand forgiveness and strength. I can honestly say all of us love deeply, hurt deeply and forgive without demands.
Deep pain grows a keloid scar on our hearts. It can't be removed.
It is a permanent fixture in our lives. However, our attitudes, our understanding in our imperfection connects us with each other. My children and I love unconditionally. My grandchildren are the jewels in my grandmother crown. We have all decided not to let past pain control who we are now.
Anyone can come to me and tell their story. I will understand, whether you be at fault, a victim or a bystander. My mistakes are no bigger or smaller than yours. Acknowledging them will be your security. Demanding growth will be your walkway. Life will get better a tiny step every day.
The truth is so simple. We both hurt our children and each other. We both thought we were right.
There is no greater wrong.
But with forgiveness.
Life will go on.
You don't know where your children are. They are only 3 and 5 years old. You let them go on a non-scheduled visitation. It is now the first few minutes when they are supposed to be back. It's only 3 minutes. They will be home soon. They will run to you and hug you. Surely, there must be a reason for the delay. Maybe the cell phone information you have is incorrect. Maybe, they forgot to charge their phone. Maybe, they got stuck somewhere where there is no cell phone service.
Now, it is three days. You have called everywhere. You have called all your ex-husband's family. Everyone claims to know nothing. Nothing at all. Your second husband starts berating you.
"I told you so. You should have never let them go. You get no child support. You just assume he is going to be responsible."
You call the authorities.
"What kind of custody do you have?"
"Oh, we just decided to trust each other."
"In that case, you have no legal recourse. Either parent can take the children and go where ever they want to."
Now, I will talk about what I did when this happened to me.
There is another child involved from my second marriage. Matthew is eighteen months old. I have no choice but to get up every day and work to support the child I have in my home.
My ex-husband had remarried. In fact, he left me for the woman he is with. I was immature, devasted and so I found my own rebound marriage. Someone I thought loved me but did not. He honestly thought he did, but in truth, he simply wanted to control me. He paid child support for his children, so he pressured me to ask the same from my ex. When I didn't get it, he talked me into refusing to let my ex-husband see the children. I complied, just as I had been taught to in childhood. After all, the man is always in charge and correct. Right?
My new husband was abusive. Convinced that I was sleeping with every man I met. My children hated him. Yet, I was convinced I was the one who needed to change.
I went bankrupt searching for my children. It took four months, four long months of devastation. I found them in California.
I spent every penny, I had to get them back to me. In the meantime, my new husband lost his job because he claimed to be hurt. He also continually told me I was nothing. I believed him.
I got my children back. What was the cost? Injured, emotionally hurt babies, who love both their parents and who couldn't comprehend why they couldn't be with both of us.
I was full of rage, uncontrollable anguish, and guilt. It took me four more years and more damage to my children before I left the abuse.
My children are now grown. They are survivors. Amazing people who also understand forgiveness and strength. I can honestly say all of us love deeply, hurt deeply and forgive without demands.
Deep pain grows a keloid scar on our hearts. It can't be removed.
It is a permanent fixture in our lives. However, our attitudes, our understanding in our imperfection connects us with each other. My children and I love unconditionally. My grandchildren are the jewels in my grandmother crown. We have all decided not to let past pain control who we are now.
Anyone can come to me and tell their story. I will understand, whether you be at fault, a victim or a bystander. My mistakes are no bigger or smaller than yours. Acknowledging them will be your security. Demanding growth will be your walkway. Life will get better a tiny step every day.
The truth is so simple. We both hurt our children and each other. We both thought we were right.
There is no greater wrong.
But with forgiveness.
Life will go on.
Potlatch prose. Here we go. Honesty hurts.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Artwork by VMarguarite at FanArtReview.com
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