Previous.

I've always known that I was adopted, but in 2003 at the age of fifty one I decided to find my birth mother. After a short search with plenty of help, I found her in California.

I travelled over from Scotland, where I lived at the time, and stood on her doorstep. She lets me in, and we hit it off right away.

She is now telling me the story of my American father, who had to leave for faraway shores with the Merchant Marines. He promises to write, and Mum receives a few letters. She then realises that she is pregnant, and writes numerous letters, but never receives an answer.

It is with a heavy heart that she gives me up for adoption right after my birth in May 1952.

Mum leaves for Heidelberg, Germany to work and to mend, when she meets George. They fall in love, and leave for Denmark to marry in the autumn of 1954.
They have just arrived at my grandmother's home after the wedding when she hands my Mum a letter, saying that was the last letter which had arrived from my Mum's American lover.

It turns out that there'd been eight or nine letters prior to that, but my Grandmother had burned them all.
George and my Mum left at once, and checked into a hotel. In that very last letter my father yet again asks why he hasn't heard anything and whether it is a boy or a girl they'd had. It is a last plea for my Mum to answer.

Part Nineteen

"Mum, did you ever write to Reuben, to tell him that you had finally received some communication from him?"

I realised how utterly tired my mother was when she shook her head, her face utterly drained. Admittedly I was very tired myself.

She looked so sad all of a sudden, and I went over to her and gave her a big hug. "Mum, please, don't, please don't! I know this is ripping up a lot of memories. I am being insensitive in all my curiosity. Let's go to bed, and tomorrow is another day."

Mum looked at me and said. "You don't mind then that we wait until tomorrow? I really do feel very tired."

"Of course I don't. C'mon off we go."

We hugged for the longest time, and each went to our own room. My last thought before nodding off was that I was going to find my father if at all possible.

I woke up early the next day and when I looked out the window, yet another wonderful day was greeting me. I smiled to myself, and thought that I could get used to this. I felt so gloriously lazy, I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed just yet.

I'd only just thought it, when I heard noises from the kitchen confirming that Mum was not only up but probably already cooking our breakfast. Well, I thought I'll better get a move on. A quick shower later, and I entered the kitchen that was filled with the smell of freshly brewed coffee mixed with toast and other enticing ingredients. My mouth watered.

I went over to Mum, and gave her a quick peck on her cheek.

"Good morning to you Mum. You look as if you had a good night's sleep, and you seem to be at it again, cooking for me. I feel guilty that I am not doing anything."

"Morning to you, my dear. Not to worry. You can cook for me soon enough. But this is my treat while you are here." Mum gave me one of her bright smiles that I was starting to get used to. Her smiles were quite extraordinary. They lit up her whole face, and for some reason gave her a gloriously wicked look. I loved it. It was infectious.

I quickly set the table out on the terrace, and soon we tucked into slices of fruit and all the other things that Mum treated us to.

"Ulla, what do you think about going back down to the waterfront for another walk today, and pick up where we left it last night?"

I could only nod in agreement, my mouth full of food.

I swallowed. "That sounds fabulous; lets go. I want to sit on George's bench while we are talking though."

Mum chuckled. "You got a deal!"

An hour later we were sitting looking over the ocean. The morning seemed so crisp, the rays from the sun shimmering in the sea. I noticed a few sails out in the distance and thought that it was a perfect day for a sail. The feeling of nostalgia ran through my mind when I looked at them. I used to do that, the sailing, and I acknowledged that I missed it. Never mind. I was brought out of my revelry when I realised that Mum was talking to me.

"To repeat the answer I gave you last night. No I didn't answer your father's letter. What was the point really? It was almost two and a half years later after giving birth to you when your grandmother handed over the letter to me. Not only was your adoption coming through, but I had only just married George. I mulled it over very carefully and decided against it. I was into a new life, and I reckoned that so were you. So no, I never told your real father."

"Mum, do you know what?" I turned towards her and gave her an affectionate squeeze. "I can totally understand that. So we have now covered most of the past, and I think the time has come that we talk of the here and now. I only have today and tomorrow before I have to head back to LA and fly back to Scotland. What do you suggest we do?"

"I think we should go back home. First of all I want to call my best friend Miriam, because I want you to meet her. And next I have something to tell you. We have been so busy talking about the past that I have almost forgotten to tell you about the present."

Mum stood up, begging me to follow suite.

"C'mon, off we go then. This is something I want to tell you in the privacy of home."

I laughed as we quickly stood, and could barely hide my curiosity as to what Mum had to say. On the way back we bought a couple of unhealthy doughnuts and we were soon settled on the terrace with our wicked treat and steaming hot coffee.

Mum looked at me as she took a sip from her mug.

"Ulla, I can't say how happy you have made me by finding me, and coming all this way to look me up." Mum looked very serious all of a sudden.

"What I want to tell you is that after fifty years here in California, I have decided to move back to Denmark."

I looked at Mum with an open mouth.

To be continued