Preview.
I've always known that I was adopted, but in 2003 at the age of fifty one I decided to find my birth mother. After a short search with plenty of help, I found her in California.

I travelled over from Scotland, where I lived at the time, and stood on her doorstep. She lets me in, and we hit it off right away.

She is now telling me the story of my American father, who had to leave for faraway shores with the Merchant Marines. He promises to write, and Mum receives a few letters. She then realises that she is pregnant, and writes numerous letters, but never receives an answer.

It is with a heavy heart that she gives me up for adoption right after my birth in May 1952.

Mum leaves for Heidelberg, Germany to work and to mend, when she meets George. They fall in love, and leave for Denmark to marry in the autumn of 1954.
They have just arrived at my grandmother's home after the wedding when she hands my Mum a letter, saying that was the last letter which had arrived from my Mum's American lover.

It turns out that there'd been eight or nine letters prior to that, but my Grandmother had burned them all.
George and my Mum left at once, and checked into a hotel. Mum is now about to open the letter from my father.

Part Eighteen.

"It was all a blur, Ulla. I just couldn't make out the words, and my hands shook so badly that it didn't help either. George, my dear husband, just sat back watching me, not making a move. I knew he wanted to know what the letter said as much as I did, but he must have realised how difficult this was. A voice from the past, and what is more, a voice that could have changed everything, had I only received it in time.

"I will not keep you in any further suspense so excuse me a moment, Ulla, I'll go fetch the letter, and read it out to you as I once did to George."

As Mum rose, I looked on in astonishment. Had she really kept this letter all these years? Well, it appeared so. She disappeared inside and was back moments later, holding an old looking letter in her hand. The envelope was yellowed with age and looked well worn.

"Wow, Mum, you have kept this during all these years?" Repeating what I had just thought.

"Yes, I have, and I can understand that you look surprised. Truth be told, I looked for this last night suspecting that we might come to where we are now. I almost gave up though. I hadn't given the letter a thought for so many years, but then, I vaguely remembered putting it with some old correspondence, and, well, here it is. It's dated November 1952, six months after your birth."

I took a gulp of coffee, and noticed that the bottle of wine was still on the table together with our glasses. It crossed my mind that Mum had left them there on purpose expecting that it would be needed sometime later on. What I also noted was the old exotic stamps on the letter that Mum held in her hand.

"Well, Ulla, to go back to the night of my wedding. As I sat across from George, I opened this envelope, and pulled out two sheets of paper, with a handwriting strangely familiar to me. I also remember I looked up at George, and I think he must have seen the fear in my eyes, because he reached over to hold my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze."

Mum cleared her throat as she started to read out loud from the yellow sheets of paper.

Meanwhile, all I could do was to sit back and listen to the words that could possibly hold the key to what could have been.



Dear Elise,

I write to you yet again, in the hope that I will finally receive an answer, but I will admit that I don't hold up much hope any more. I presume you do know that I have written numerous times after your revelation that you were expecting our child.

I confess that at first, I was in deep shock, which I also made clear at the time. But then I got to think about it, and the old cliche sprang to mind, that it 'takes two to tango.' Well, this may seem flippant to you, but take my word, nothing could be further from my mind.

Elise, whether you believe it or not, I did fall in love with you, and I believe that I am still in love with you. But after all this time, I don't know what to believe any more. What I do know is that at the time of writing this you will have given birth, and I will be the father of a little boy or a little girl.

I would dearly like to know what it is, and I would have loved to bring up our child, but for some reason that I can't fathom, you have chosen to withdraw from my life. If you are to change your mind though, then I am here for you and our child. All you need to do is to let me know.

I hope that you will answer this time.

Yours always, Reuben.*


I sat bolt upright, and looked at Mum in a state of shock. What I had just heard not only chilled me to the bone, but it had brought to the fore that other long forgotten remark that my adoptive father made all those years ago.

What he'd also said ... oh my God ... was that an American gentleman had come to the orphanage looking for me. But that the very same gentleman couldn't get any further in contacting me as my adoption was a fait accompli. The implications of it all didn't bear thinking of.

"Ulla, are you all right?" Mum leaned forward with a concerned look.

"I'm all right, Mum, not to worry, but I just got to think of something that my adoptive father said so many years ago, and which explains a lot of things. I promise that I will tell you later. Never mind me Mum, but do tell, what on earth did you and George do after this?"

"Oh, I burst into tears and George, bless him, pulled his chair over next to me and just held me. Ulla, I cried as I don't think I've ever cried in my life.

"Here I was, just married to a lovely man, and yet, I was crying my heart out for something that should have been well and truly buried. But how could it be? I felt so bereft. I had lost a daughter and her father, and apparently for no reason at all. Or so it seemed. How could my mother, your grandmother have done this to me? Well, I will never know, will I?

"What I did know though was that I had married the kindest man on earth, and that in my moment of need I reached out for him. As it turned out, he was to be my rock for the rest of his days."

"But, Mum, could George just accept it all? Was he not hurt?"

"Oh, I believe he was, but I'd been honest with him, so he accepted that it was part of the package that he'd agreed to."

I looked at Mum through my tears and smiled. I poured us a glass of wine, which I think was very welcome, before we carried on with more revelations.

To be continued.