Humor Non-Fiction posted November 9, 2015


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Funny Memories

Bananas or Bonkers?

by alvina224224

I must have a wicked sense of humour. When I saw the black baddie, who was losing the fencing battle with the white hero, leap to the open window then dive into the boat waiting for him, twenty feet below in the castle moat - and disappear straight through it, I roared with laughter. (A scene from the film, The Great Race with Tony Curtis as the white hero.)

One time, when my sister came to help me overnight, to care for four children with German Measles, we decided to bring a mattress down the stairs. It was the wee small hours before we finally got all the children to sleep, and we were bushed.

"Turn it on its side," she whispered, "and slide it down." There was a nail sticking out from the staircase, and the mattress said, "Brrrrpppp!" A foot-long rip appeared in the mattress cover, and we were in hysterics. Have you ever tried to laugh out loud without waking somebody? We both armed ourselves with needle and thread, and by the time we had repaired the tear, our stomachs were hurting from holding in laughter. Later, when I was almost asleep, she whispered, "Are we bananas or bonkers?" Laughing hysterically at 3am, we must have been bonkers!

I could write a book about such incidents throughout my life, the most recent being while we were moving into our new home, some four months ago. My hubby was standing in the corner of the lift at our old address, struggling to hold a very heavy microwave. I leaned over and put my hands under the appliance, to relieve him of some weight. "I wish this lift would get a move on," said I, quickly weakening. I turned round to the control panel, and added, "Oh, it might go faster if I push the button!"

It hadn't been an easy move, and we both were in need of a good laugh - we must have looked ridiculous, a couple of oldies, struggling to move furniture, etc. Later on, when the new washing machine arrived and I hadn't paid for installation, my man brushed aside any difficulty and said he could install it. He did, bless him, but then we had to get the heavy beast into its position, under the kitchen work-bench. We finished up with him sitting on the floor, a foot up on each side of the washing machine door, and me behind him, acting as leverage as he pushed the machine into position, inch by inch. We must have looked so ridiculous, two 80+year olds playing Hercules!

After getting used to climbing into the new bath to have a shower, I decided one night to have a lovely warm bath for a change. So I turned on the taps, adjusted the water temperature, used some of my precious bubble bath oil, and slid down into the foamy luxury. Oh, I did enjoy it, and stayed sitting in the bath afterwards, watching my lovely bubbles drain away.

Then I discovered I couldn't get out! I wriggled, slid, turned on my knees, tried hanging on to the grab handles and finally called my man to help. He couldn't lift me out, either, and grinning, said, "I think I'll have to call the Fire Brigade."

I wasn't going to have burly, rubber-coated men come in and have a laugh at me in my old-age nudity, so I snapped, "Come on, you get in and lift me out!" Then we both got the giggles as he took off his slippers, and gingerly stepped in behind me. He put his hands under my arms, but I was too heavy (and slippery) for him, and by now we were too weak with laughter. In the end, he slid me forward to reach onto the taps, put his hands under my hips, and yelled, "Now put your head down as far as you can, and pull. That's it...keep going...keep going..."

We're going to have a walk-in shower installed as soon as we can afford it. That's if we last that long!


Let's Have A Laugh contest entry

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My goal is to make someone laugh every day. Hope this raised a smile. Merry Christmas, everybody. xx
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