The clock from the nearby tower had chimed six times to herald the closing of beach for swimming and other water games. Francis had reached to his apartment and entered the unlocked dwelling. His mind was exhausted by dealing with the incessant flow of conflicting thoughts and emotional storms. To all other issues he had carried in his heart, one more had arrived with a strong and forceful winds; one that had begun with his encounter with the gay couple at the cafe. Without taking his shoes off, he flung himself in the bed.

The wedding of two men had become an obsession now. As a priest, he had conducted the rituals of baptism and weddings many a times and it was a routine affair for him but the principles embodying the rituals always were sacred to him and even now he cherished them. Not able to exercise that act of priestly duties gave him the anguish he could barely handle. His thoughts were submerged into the instructions given to every person in the holy bible and he started to voice his challenges to what he felt, 'a tyranny of the establishment'.

"Why can I not unite two humans in such deep love with each other and also loving the Lord? Who are they to give and take away my relationship with my Mother Church? I must not let that happen if I have to find the purpose for which I was brought in this world and put through the life of an ordained priest. Without my collar, I feel naked. If everything I did had to be approved by an establishment and what work done in my life did not please my Lord Jesus then all I undertook was the 'Chasing of the Wind' exercise; a hypocrisy of the highest order as the Ecclesiastical points out."
His self-flagellation continued until he felt totally without purpose; a worthless burden on the earth. Wearily he pulled himself out of that agonizing mental doldrums and got out of bed. The twilight was fading and room was getting darker. He reached to the desk to put on the table lamp. As the bulb came on, he noticed the envelope he had carelessly tossed that afternoon. He carefully examined the envelop to find out its origin and not finding any clue, tore opened the side and found a single sheet of copying paper. It was a note from someone whose acquaintance he could not recall. It read like this:

"Dear Francis:
I don't expect you to recognize my name but I sincerely do hope that you have the memories of our first and the only encounter in Goa, India, when you were at the threshold of your youth and I was a visiting priest from the Vatican.
Since then, I did not keep the track of your life nor did I know you had entered in the seminary. I left the Church five years after you and I met but I did not forget you. I just couldn't contact you for the obvious reasons. Recently when you applied for the UN job for which you have arrived in the Rio, I got the opportunity to learn about your life. You will be replacing me as my five years term is ending this month. I wish to take this opportunity to meet you in a private and in confidential manner because this will be our only and probably the last encounter with each other.
I wish to meet you only for to tell you in person about our first encounter and its impact on me, to learn how it affected you and also to ask your forgiveness if that encounter hurt you as I feel, it may have. I will be at the north most point of the Diablo Beach waiting for you until bout seven o' clock today. If you do not come, I will understand your decision and ask you to forgive me in your heart. God bless you. With love and best wishes,
Sincerely,
Eduardo Giovanni.

Francis read the note second time and then realized there was very little time left for him to think through the material he had read and make a decision. It was quarter to seven on the watch. His mind was not in any shape to give him a sound advice but he had to act.

"Go see him; nothing to lose; it will clear the image you have in your heart for this man."
A voice prompted him and he dashed out of the room, down the ten floors and by the time he made it to the beach, the clock had already stuck the chimes announcing the seven o' clock. He still had to negotiate a curve of two hundred yards to the rendezvous point. Disappointed and physically exhausted, Francis slowed down almost to a stop but his heart was prompting him to keep on trucking to meet the man he had loved all those twenty two years. He kept moving and shortly reached the bend on the road. There was another hundred yards to traverse in the sandy beach. The twilight had faded and one could barely note the silhouettes of objects approaching. The darkness was swallowing everything like the black India ink spilled over a page of a book, obliterates the typed material as it spreads.

Finally he just stopped and stood there helplessly. Tears were rolling down his face and he was too numb to feel any emotions. The lights from one of the last tall buildings on the road hugging the beach, were giving the only relief from the rapidly engulfing darkness. Suddenly he was rudely bumped by a tall figure wearing a Fedora and he lost his balance and staggered backward but was caught by the man who had bumped into him.
The faint light emanated by the high rise fell on Francis' face and the man gasped recognizing him.
"You; Francis Mendez." He exclaimed steadying him at the same time.
"Monsignor Giovanni, is that you sir?"
"I am Eduardo Giovanni but not the Monsignor you met before," the man responded.
They stood there for few minutes in an awkward silence not knowing what to do next. Then Francis took the initiative and said, "You may not have had supper and I am hungry. Would you like to?"
"That's the great idea for us to reacquaint with each other in a "Lighted Environment", he made the quotation marks in the air to emphasize the pun on the words.

They got off the beach, walked towards the Princesa Isabel Avenue and hailed a cab to a quiet Brazilian Caf�?�© on the Rua Santa Clara. Both the men knew Rio very well and they chatted in Italian mixed with the native Portuguese and occasional English phrases filling the gaps. Neither one were willing to touch the subject matter which was closer to their heart as the ambiance in the public places was not giving them the privacy they needed. One thing was achieved that both men had not only recognized each other but had succeeded in building a weak but sure link with their past.
Eduardo had the opportunity to read Francis' bio-data and seen his photograph attached to his application as well as on the copy of his Passport. He had read about the long assignment in the Amazonian tribal areas Francis was posted to by the Church. While reading Francis' C.V., Eduardo realized that their lives had taken parallel paths soon after he returned from that official trip to Goa. To get the demonic desires out of his soul, he too was sent by the Vatican to the primitive areas of the world and had spent several years in Papua New Guinea and Naga Land jungle areas of eastern India where he had organized education, health care and other uplifting efforts sponsored and paid by the church. He too had made the confession about his sexuality and had undergone the so called treatment Francis was subjected to-The isolation from the tempting young men to give time to kill the natural tendencies of the flesh.

Right after those forays among the tribes, Eduardo had discovered that those so called primitive societies had in fact, spiritual approach to divinity and the elements their existence depended on. They retained that aspect in spite of all indoctrination and promises of a great life both here on the plane and also after departing. The only religious input they received and accepted was that of the Church's rituals and practices. They participated in all that elaborated worshipping and the regalia associated with it. They performed all the necessary rituals with eagerness and enthusiasm of a child keen on learning the tables to get admiration from the adults.

The tribes lived their lives as per their own understanding of the universe surrounding them. Their spirit of freedom infected their priest and he stopped efforts to make them the Good Catholics and in turn, became a free thinking lose canon taking liberties with the established practices and procedures. Eduardo's resignation was quietly accepted and then for the next ten years, he went about doing his charity work where ever he could find. Like Francis, he too remained loyal to his oaths and promises to the Master and his Church; he remained a celibate.

He was in his fifties now and a new chapter had opened for him with the accidental linking with one he had loved once. However, he was not sure if that love was alive in his heart as well as in Francis. A younger man had taken over his job at that UN post in Brazil and the older man was now free to do what so ever he wished. Financially, Eduardo was secured by the UN funds and his own small family holdings in his native Italy. Only thing he was missing now was a lifelong quest; a final goal to achieve before he made to the other side of life. At that moment he had no clue where it all was heading or how it was ending. Looking at him, an observer would have found him without any worry about his future at all; he looked rather pleased with himself, as if he had a sure shot plan to do something after leaving the UN office in Rio.

After the supper, they returned to their original meeting place near the Rock and began walking towards the sea. It was peaceful night and the moon had arrived on the horizon. The breeze from the sea was cooler now than it was in the morning. Both men were examining their feelings and searching for a phrase or a joke to break the ice. Going back all the way to that first encounter to rekindle the romantic fire, was a nonstarter at that juncture and they both had recognized that fact. The void between them seemed a natural thing, neither one appeared to be anxious to fill quickly.

On Francis mind, the effect of the amorous episode which was caused by his encounter with the two young gay men on the beach had already lost its effect like the sobering from a bout of heavy drinking wears out after a long and paralyzing sleep next morning. Only strong and compelling force that was still there in his heart was the rebellion he felt against the Church Authority causing him to lose his priesthood solely because of his confessed sexuality. The man he loved in his heart all these years was walking with him and the reality he was facing now, did not match the original image he had stored in the secret enclave of his soul. Indeed, he had been Chasing the Wind all his life.

"Am I not a homosexual then?" He thought after examining his heart's ardent desires and feelings about love and it's fulfilling expressions. When this doubt rose,he was shaken up about his own sexual identity. Not getting any feelings towards the females was, or could have been, the effect of that artificial environment he was forced into when he was just a young man being groomed for the priesthood, but then he remembered his wrestling days of high school and the natural tendencies to like handsome, young bodies of his opponents. He couldn't help remembering that and his original understanding of himself returned.

Eduardo on the other hand was sorting out his life rather than his emotions towards a man walking besides him. He too had his share of disappointments and resentment towards the same authorities but he had not stormed out of the organization nor was there any fuss about his leaving. At that moment, he wasn't even sure if he wished to remain in Brazil, leave aside in Rio, which was expensive for him to live on his limited means. His preoccupation with that had lead to a silence as thick as the darkness surrounding them.Finally when they reached to the apartment building Francis was living in, they parted company with an awkward adieu. "Let us meet again in a day or so" was the last parting words Eduardo Giovanni uttered as he moved away quickly.

It was obvious that each had reached to the same conclusion that there was no real substance to their amorous feelings towards each other and what memories they had carried in their bosom were nothing more than a recollection of a pleasant event that took place a long time ago. The anticipated revival of the warm feelings Francis had cherished for such a long time, turned out to be a pleasant but business like interaction that lacked the intimacy; an essential ingredient for a beginning of a romantic relationship. With such an abrupt change in the scenario he had drawn in his mind for that visit, he needed time to figure out his own sentiments. Now the original reason, 'the attraction for the first man' he had imagined to be and was carried in his bosom, was chucked out of the window by his psyche. He needed to seek the actual cause of the emotional emptiness he had been feeling during his entire life and perhaps the answer lay somewhere else. May be he would find out and then like millions of others he too will go to his maker with that empty heart.

After returning to his room he got into his daily routine of toiletry and bathing before bed. He enjoyed the soaking in the hot bath and always used it as a stimulant to his creativity. His materials for Sunday sermons and the writings for the special occasions were produced while he was submerged into the soapy waters. That evening he was just going to reflect on the events and check out if they had impacted on his plans for the immediate future.

Francis took stock of his own emotional conditions; before and after meeting Eduardo. There was no doubt that he was thrilled with the idea that he was going to meet that debonair, handsome man with the dark hair. He expected that Eduardo would definitely reciprocate when they met with real feelings of warmth and affection, if not with love he had in his heart when he was rushing to meet him. Realizing the child like anticipation he had, Francis chuckled and said to himself, "Boy! Did I not act like Juliet rushing out to meet her Romeo?" Then he examined his reaction after their meeting on the beach when Eduardo caught him to prevent falling.
"That was such an anticlimax!" he thought. Then he realized the fallacy of his feelings. It became apparent by that event instantly as he had felt no thrill or any other feelings by the touch; unlike the amour filled joy the two gay young men on the beach were openly experiencing and displaying.

" It was nothing like that; therefor my carrying those sentiments for twenty plus years for someone, was nothing more than a mirage; a fantasy? Did I then mislead myself and the others and gave up my cherished job?"

He paused to reflect on that and then remembered the episode in the house of his Goan parishioner in New Mexico.

"What happened to you when you saw that naked young man? Why did you begin to fall apart?" his alter ego questioned him. He was searching his mind and examining his conscience but couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation.

"There you go; you can't suppress or hide what you are. Test yourself and go meet those men and see if they introduce to younger, more appealing and pleasing men and how you feel. That will be your Litmus Test." The alter ego was trying to set him straight on the path that he, as former ordained priest was resisting to take.
"What choices do you have? If you return to your former profession in any other place, you will come across the temptations that you may not be able to resist and then what?" The onslaught was chipping away at his firm convictions and the stubborn adherence to the vow of celibacy but he was resisting it with the equal vigor.

" Nothing doing; I did not leave church for my carnal pleasures nor I have ever made efforts to fill my emptiness with the reckless adventures," he said to himself with firm convictions and faith in his own capabilities to take the rational decision. At that point, he decided to stop his analysis and just finish the toiletry.

Next morning Francis was all eager and ready to go to work. Someone from his office picked him up from the apartment building and shortly he was in his office. The manager in charge of the administration gave him the tour and introduced the staff. By lunch time he was buried knee dip in the paperwork and meetings kept his afternoon full. He was in his domain and all that systematic training and work experience he had undertaken previously as a Parish Priest of the Amazon natives came back to him. The weekdays went without any disturbances or unusual events. He had sunk in the routine so quickly that his staff felt he had been there all along the years they had worked. He did not hear from Eduardo until the weekend. Just before leaving for his apartment he called:

" Would you like to join me for a soiree at the conservatory this evening? We could have dinner and spend some time at the Conservatory if you are free of course?"
Francis had no plans for the evening and he thought it could be a new start for his life to learn the social skills and know few folks. Besides that, the ambiance of musical pleasures and arts he thought may give him another test of his lingering doubts about his abilities to remain true to the values he had cherished all his life. He agreed and they decided to leave his place by six thirty.