Writing Non-Fiction posted March 19, 2015


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Reviews for three poems

Reviewers Contest

by krys123

            REVIEW CONTEST by krys123
POEM #1
Haiku (naked and exposed)

naked and exposed
limbs bend to endless winter
but women are trees
 
REVIEW 1:
 
4 STARS:
 
Mikey;
+ HAIKU meets the requirements to it’s maximum of
5/7/5 syllabic format or less than 17 syllables which either is used is appropriate.
(-) HAIKU should be strictly (about nature) and this one mentions women which is more like a (human nature) and close to being a SENRYU.
+ good use of ENJAMBMENT where it is the running on of a
thought, idea or concept from a verse and line to the next
without a syntactical break. This is true in your haiku
where you express the thoughts of being naked and exposed and the final thought that women are trees without any use of syntax.
+ The CONTRACTION (but) needs not to be used for line
itself is already an opposite statement.
+ JUXTAPOSITION used what is to take two distinct images
and put them together in a poem. The purpose of this
technique is to express a certain relationship between two and this juxtaposition technique is one of contrast.
+ Interconnection in the first two lines
+ IMAGERY very vividly descriptive and expertly expressed especially in the first two lines.
(-)SATORI or third line should sum up the haiku and give it that ‘aha’ moment but in this case doesn’t seem to be as relative to the poem as it should be.
(-) POETIC ASSESSMENT: not very clear on where this poems concept is going and it’s more like a SENRYU.
+ Suggestion remove the contraction BUT and rewrite to eliminate human nature aspect.
 
 
 
POEM # 2
MORNING GLORY
 
Ah yes, my morning glory you arise,
and blossoming your splendor with first light.
You crane to feel the warmth each petal spies,
and leave behind the myst’ries of the night.
 
You will so weakly as the day wears on.
So meekly, does your beauty burden you?
As ev’ning comes, my heart remembers dawn.
And how you thrilled me with each joyful hue.
 
But, hidden deep within your love the wiles,
and evil poison flows and deadly stream.
My mind is adrift, we share our stars truck smiles.
I cannot tell your nightmare from my dream.
 
I should have let my eyes draw beauty in;
but I was weak—last night I tasted sin.
 
REVIEW 2:
 
5 STARS
Mikey;
+POEM’S  written format’s like a sonnet but it is not a Shakespearean sonnet for it lacks iambic metered rhythm.  Sonnet for the lines are not written in iambic form.
+ Near and notable ALLITERATION’S:/” star struck smiles”/
(-) SPELLING (Starstruck has two words supported by a hyphen)
+ IMAGERY is very clear and distinct and truly expressive
and vividly descriptive: “you will so weakly as the day wears on. So meekly, does your beauty burden you? As evening (no need for an apostrophe) comes, my heart remembers dawn and how you thrilled me with each joyful hue.(These last two lines are good example of enjambment.)
+ Enjambment used (see the use of enjambment in poetry)
+ RHYMING done well and are contingent to the meaning
and concept of each line and I neither forced nor labored
and helpful in the rhythmic flow.
+ RHYTHMIC meter(pentameter form), tempo, cadence and timing all a very helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy.
+ I enjoyed the poem because use right of a woman who
is taken by your own beauty that she lustily uses it to seduce you: “I should have let my eyes draw beauty in but I was weak--last night I tasted sin.”
+ Good ending couplet as it sums up your poem’s concept well and that is where her body had used him.
                         
POEM 3
 
TICKLING THE SKY
 
off the cliff
why would wayward wishes
just drift away?
 
like an indecisive feather
 
they aim to plummet
straight into the heart
like a feather
discovering gravity
 
you see it is in feathers
like you all thought
it’s the ingenuity of using feathers
 
A bird of many colors walks the land
the forest dwellers dance in delirium
they whisper, “Why does it not fly?”
 
the shimmering bird catches the soft words
floating by on a slight breeze
the breeze ruffling its feathers
 
blue ripples
red flashes
purple? oh my!
Gilded golden graces the imagination
and grade doesn’t matter
 
the bird whispers, “why don’t I fly?”
the wind cannot help but hear
it has been waiting after all
gravity grimaces.
 
I kissed a pretty girl
love enters my life
the most beautiful bird in the world
 
takes flight
 
REVIEW 3
 
6 STARS
 
Mikey;
+ Near and notable ALLITERATION’S: /” would wayward wishes”/
/”dwellers dance in delirium”/” gilded gold graces”/
“gravity grimaces/
+ IMAGERY is distinct and clear and vividly descriptive as it is expertly expressive: “ the breeze ruffles its feathers blue ripples red flashes purple? oh my gilded gold graces the imagination and grade is it matter”.
+ ENJAMBMENT used throughout this writing what is
the running on of a thought and concepts from a verse
and line to the next without a syntactical break.
(-) Capitalization use and first quote but not the
Second. Some capitalization used and then not.
+ POETIC ASSESSMENT: The reason why like this palm is because it shows
a person who tries to teach one person to love and
if and when he finally does she or he “takes flight”.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting these three poems
and may the good Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
             REVIEW CONTEST
POEM #1
Haiku (naked and exposed)
naked and exposed
limbs bend to endless winter
but women are trees
 
REVIEW 1:
 
4 STARS:
 
Mikey;
+ HAIKU meets the requirements to it’s maximum of
5/7/5 syllabic format and are less than 17 syllables.
(-) HAIKU should be strictly (about nature) and this one mentions women which is more like a (human nature) and close to being a SENRYU.
+ good use of ENJAMBMENT where it is the running on of a
thought, idea or concept from a verse and line to the next
without a syntactical break. This is true in your haiku
where you express the thoughts of being naked and exposed and the final thought that women are trees without any use of syntax.
+ The CONTRACTION (but) needs not to be used for line
itself is already an opposite statement.
+ JUXTAPOSITION used what is to take two distinct images
and put them together in a poem. The purpose of this
technique is to express a certain relationship between two and this juxtaposition technique is one of contrast.
images that’s already there. Association technique used
were naked and exposed are the women trees?”
+ Interconnected in the first two lines
+ IMAGERY very vividly descriptive and expertly expressed especially in the first two lines.
(-)SATORI or third line should sum up the haiku and give it that ‘aha’ moment but in this case doesn’t seem to be as relative to the poem as it should be.
(-) POETIC ASSESSMENT: not very clear on where this poems concept is going and it’s more like a SENRYU.
+ Suggestion remove the contraction BUT
 
 
 
POEM # 2
MORNING GLORY
 
Ah yes, my morning glory you arise,
and blossoming your splendor with first light.
You crane to feel the warmth each petal spies,
and leave behind the myst’ries of the night.
 
You will so weakly as the day wears on.
So meekly, does your beauty burden you?
As ev’ning comes, my heart remembers dawn.
And how you thrilled me with each joyful hue.
 
But, hidden deep within your love the wiles,
and evil poison flows and deadly stream.
My mind is adrift, we share our stars truck smiles.
I cannot tell your nightmare from my dream.
 
I should have let my eyes draw beauty in;
but I was weak—last night I tasted sin.
 
REVIEW 2:
 
5 STARS
Mikey;
+POEM’S  written format’s like a sonnet but it is not a Shakespearean sonnet for it lacks iambic metered rhythm.  Sonnet for the lines are not written in iambic form.
+ Near and notable ALLITERATION’S:/” star struck smiles”/
(-) SPELLING (Starstruck has two words supported by a hyphen)
+ IMAGERY is very clear and distinct and truly expressive
and vividly descriptive: “you will so weakly as the day wears on. So meekly, does your beauty burden you? As evening (no need for an apostrophe) comes, my heart remembers dawn and how you thrilled me with each joyful hue.(These last two lines are good example of enjambment.)
+ Enjambment used (see the use of enjambment in poetry)
+ RHYMING done well and are contingent to the meaning
and concept of each line and I neither forced nor labored
and helpful in the rhythmic flow.
+ RHYTHMIC meter(pentameter form), tempo, cadence and timing all a very helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy.
+ I enjoyed the poem because use right of a woman who
is taken by your own beauty that she lustily uses it to seduce you: “I should have let my eyes draw beauty in but I was weak--last night I tasted sin.”
+ Good ending couplet as it sums up your poem’s concept well and that is where her body had used him.
                         
POEM 3
 
TICKLING THE SKY
 
off the cliff
why would wayward wishes
just drift away?
 
like an indecisive feather
 
they aim to plummet
straight into the heart
like a feather
discovering gravity
 
you see it is in feathers
like you all thought
it’s the ingenuity of using feathers
 
A bird of many colors walks the land
the forest dwellers dance in delirium
they whisper, “Why does it not fly?”
 
the shimmering bird catches the soft words
floating by on a slight breeze
the breeze ruffling its feathers
 
blue ripples
red flashes
purple? oh my!
Gilded golden graces the imagination
and grade doesn’t matter
 
the bird whispers, “why don’t I fly?”
the wind cannot help but hear
it has been waiting after all
gravity grimaces.
 
I kissed a pretty girl
love enters my life
the most beautiful bird in the world
 
takes flight
 
REVIEW 3
 
6 STARS
 
Mikey;
+ Near and notable ALLITERATION’S: /” would wayward wishes”/
/”dwellers dance in delirium”/” gilded gold graces”/
“gravity grimaces/
+ IMAGERY is distinct and clear and vividly descriptive as it is expertly expressive: “ the breeze ruffles its feathers blue ripples red flashes purple? oh my gilded gold graces the imagination and grade is it matter”.
+ ENJAMBMENT used throughout this writing what is
the running on of a thought and concepts from a verse
and line to the next without a syntactical break.
+ JUXTAPOSITION it to take two distinct images and put them together in a poem. With this similarity technique the two juxtaposed images express a sameness with each other: (EXAMPLE): The bird that won't fly and the girl that takes flight.
(-) Capitalization use and first quote but not the
Second. Some capitalization used and then not.
+ POETIC ASSESSMENT: The reason why like this palm is because it shows
a person who tries to teach one person to love and
if and when he finally does she or he “takes flight”.
+ Thank you for sharing and posting these three poems
and may the good Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
 


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