| Horror and Thriller Fiction posted November 21, 2014 |
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A monologue
Ol' Carson
by kiwisteveh
I 'spect you wuz thinkin' when you cum up here that this wuz a haunted house. I knows it kinda looks that way, down this gloomy old lane an' all, an' the ol' place could do ith a lick paint, I s'pose. They tells stories about it down in the village, too -- but that's all they are, you see -- stories. Do I look like a ghost to you?
There's no such thing as haunted houses, yer see. I bin in a few in my time -- so-called, that is. People jest like to tell scary stories -- an' listen to 'em too. It's 'bout all you see at the movies these days, innit? Vampires an' zombies an' such.
Take yer vampires, now. That's fer fright'nin' young girls, that is. Nothin' like a good vampire or werewolf tale to get a young lady wettin 'erself, 'scusing my French, an' then she'll need a bit of a cuddle you see to calm 'er down again. Tried that one mesself when I was a youngster -- got 'em every time if you could get 'em in a dark an' lonely spot and spook 'em a bit about the local legends an' how the Wolfman still prowled around these parts.
Zombies, now -- that's a bit more like the real thing, that is. Livin' dead, yer see. I 'spect yer've come across one or two like that in yer life -- not that yer much more than a young thing yerself, if yer don't mind me saying so, m'dear.... pretty young thing too.
Now ol' Carson, 'e were a bit of a zombie. 'E were the one lived 'ere before me. 'E were alive right enough, but kinda dead inside, if yer know what I mean. Yer could see it in his eyes -- like a fish's eyes they were. Never saw 'im blink an' 'e could make yer right nervous jest lookin' at yer.
A rabbiter 'e were, Carson, an' a damn good un too. Knew every inch of these woods -- out in 'em night and day, places nobody else ever goes. Rcckin there's a secret or two 'e kept out there an' all.
Yer could make a pretty penny outer rabbits in them days. Folks'd pay a shillin' for a nice big doe, cleaned an' dressed. Skins too, once they wuz dried. 'E'd bundle 'em up a dozen at a time an' make a bob or two down the village.
Yeah, that's Carson's skinnin' knives right over there -- that's 'is workshop, y'see. "Keep it sharp, keep it ready," that's what he allus used to say about his gear. Lookit them hooks, now -- bright as a new pin, they are. I keep 'em polished up these days, y'see. Taught me everythin' 'e knew, 'e did.
Once 'e 'ad a rabbit up on one of them hooks, old Carson ud 'ave it cleaned and skinned in half a minute. Them knives -- look how this un's all worn in the blade here -- that's from the sharpenin', that is. Long and slender, that how we like 'em -- jes right for ticklin' in under the skin an' then -- slice -- job's done. I kin show yer later if yer like. Slice -- job's done!
Of course. 'e's gone now. Carson. Jest vanished one day.... ain't nobody seen hide nor hair of 'im fer five years now..... 'cept me of course - I seen 'is hide right enough.
'E were getting' careless yer see. Started getting' bored with killin' rabbits an' went after some other stuff. Small stuff first, yer know. There were these yappy little dogs down the road a mile or so. Couldn't stand 'em, 'e said, so 'e jest shut 'em up, permanent like, if yer know what I mean.
Other animals too, there were. 'E started roaming miles at night, right over Little Taunton way an' out t'other side of woods ter Gresham. Folk had pets go missin' all the time -- they'd think p'raps a fox or summat 'ad got 'em, see. But I knew better, cos I seen 'e'd been in the workshop 'ere; an' there'd be the skins of course. Quite a collection of skins 'e got. I 'spect that's what yer were lookin' at when I first cum in an' found yer, weren't it?
Then there wuz this young couple went missin'. Out courtin' in the woods they wuz. Yer prob'ly read about it in the papers -- big news it were fer a month or two -- never did find 'em of course.
Police came sniffin' around after that an' that's when Carson 'isself had ter go missin'. I had it out wiv 'im right after that nosy young copper 'ad left. Explained it to 'im all logical an' proper like. Course 'e were a bit reluctant at first, but 'e come round.... yeah, 'e 'ad ter come round in the end.... no choice yer see.
So that's the thing, after all. It ain't haunted houses an' ghosts an' vampires an' such what's really scary -- it's people. There's lots o' people around ud scare me more than any ghost. - people like ol' Carson wiv 'is fish eyes. Not that 'e'll be needin 'is eyes where 'e's gone. 'Is skin now, that were a good un -- like it were already tanned, see, 'im bein' out in the weather an' all.
Yer own skin, now, Miss- that's beautiful, that is, if yer don't mind me sayin' so. I see yer got one o' them fancy little tattoos on yer shoulder there - butterfly is it? We'll have ter look after that we will -- careful not ter spoil it yer see when it goes in the collection. Right next ter ol' Carson I'll hang it..... an' them other two young uns...
Now I'd thank yer not ter be squirmin' an' strugglin' so much now. Don't want ter be damagin' that lovely skin now, do we? Allus look after the skin, that's what ol' Carson used ter say.... taught me everything 'e knew.....
~~"~~"~~"~~"~~"~~:~~
Horror Story Writing Contest contest entry
I 'spect you wuz thinkin' when you cum up here that this wuz a haunted house. I knows it kinda looks that way, down this gloomy old lane an' all, an' the ol' place could do ith a lick paint, I s'pose. They tells stories about it down in the village, too -- but that's all they are, you see -- stories. Do I look like a ghost to you?
There's no such thing as haunted houses, yer see. I bin in a few in my time -- so-called, that is. People jest like to tell scary stories -- an' listen to 'em too. It's 'bout all you see at the movies these days, innit? Vampires an' zombies an' such.
Take yer vampires, now. That's fer fright'nin' young girls, that is. Nothin' like a good vampire or werewolf tale to get a young lady wettin 'erself, 'scusing my French, an' then she'll need a bit of a cuddle you see to calm 'er down again. Tried that one mesself when I was a youngster -- got 'em every time if you could get 'em in a dark an' lonely spot and spook 'em a bit about the local legends an' how the Wolfman still prowled around these parts.
Zombies, now -- that's a bit more like the real thing, that is. Livin' dead, yer see. I 'spect yer've come across one or two like that in yer life -- not that yer much more than a young thing yerself, if yer don't mind me saying so, m'dear.... pretty young thing too.
Now ol' Carson, 'e were a bit of a zombie. 'E were the one lived 'ere before me. 'E were alive right enough, but kinda dead inside, if yer know what I mean. Yer could see it in his eyes -- like a fish's eyes they were. Never saw 'im blink an' 'e could make yer right nervous jest lookin' at yer.
A rabbiter 'e were, Carson, an' a damn good un too. Knew every inch of these woods -- out in 'em night and day, places nobody else ever goes. Rcckin there's a secret or two 'e kept out there an' all.
Yer could make a pretty penny outer rabbits in them days. Folks'd pay a shillin' for a nice big doe, cleaned an' dressed. Skins too, once they wuz dried. 'E'd bundle 'em up a dozen at a time an' make a bob or two down the village.
Yeah, that's Carson's skinnin' knives right over there -- that's 'is workshop, y'see. "Keep it sharp, keep it ready," that's what he allus used to say about his gear. Lookit them hooks, now -- bright as a new pin, they are. I keep 'em polished up these days, y'see. Taught me everythin' 'e knew, 'e did.
Once 'e 'ad a rabbit up on one of them hooks, old Carson ud 'ave it cleaned and skinned in half a minute. Them knives -- look how this un's all worn in the blade here -- that's from the sharpenin', that is. Long and slender, that how we like 'em -- jes right for ticklin' in under the skin an' then -- slice -- job's done. I kin show yer later if yer like. Slice -- job's done!
Of course. 'e's gone now. Carson. Jest vanished one day.... ain't nobody seen hide nor hair of 'im fer five years now..... 'cept me of course - I seen 'is hide right enough.
'E were getting' careless yer see. Started getting' bored with killin' rabbits an' went after some other stuff. Small stuff first, yer know. There were these yappy little dogs down the road a mile or so. Couldn't stand 'em, 'e said, so 'e jest shut 'em up, permanent like, if yer know what I mean.
Other animals too, there were. 'E started roaming miles at night, right over Little Taunton way an' out t'other side of woods ter Gresham. Folk had pets go missin' all the time -- they'd think p'raps a fox or summat 'ad got 'em, see. But I knew better, cos I seen 'e'd been in the workshop 'ere; an' there'd be the skins of course. Quite a collection of skins 'e got. I 'spect that's what yer were lookin' at when I first cum in an' found yer, weren't it?
Then there wuz this young couple went missin'. Out courtin' in the woods they wuz. Yer prob'ly read about it in the papers -- big news it were fer a month or two -- never did find 'em of course.
Police came sniffin' around after that an' that's when Carson 'isself had ter go missin'. I had it out wiv 'im right after that nosy young copper 'ad left. Explained it to 'im all logical an' proper like. Course 'e were a bit reluctant at first, but 'e come round.... yeah, 'e 'ad ter come round in the end.... no choice yer see.
So that's the thing, after all. It ain't haunted houses an' ghosts an' vampires an' such what's really scary -- it's people. There's lots o' people around ud scare me more than any ghost. - people like ol' Carson wiv 'is fish eyes. Not that 'e'll be needin 'is eyes where 'e's gone. 'Is skin now, that were a good un -- like it were already tanned, see, 'im bein' out in the weather an' all.
Yer own skin, now, Miss- that's beautiful, that is, if yer don't mind me sayin' so. I see yer got one o' them fancy little tattoos on yer shoulder there - butterfly is it? We'll have ter look after that we will -- careful not ter spoil it yer see when it goes in the collection. Right next ter ol' Carson I'll hang it..... an' them other two young uns...
Now I'd thank yer not ter be squirmin' an' strugglin' so much now. Don't want ter be damagin' that lovely skin now, do we? Allus look after the skin, that's what ol' Carson used ter say.... taught me everything 'e knew.....
There's no such thing as haunted houses, yer see. I bin in a few in my time -- so-called, that is. People jest like to tell scary stories -- an' listen to 'em too. It's 'bout all you see at the movies these days, innit? Vampires an' zombies an' such.
Take yer vampires, now. That's fer fright'nin' young girls, that is. Nothin' like a good vampire or werewolf tale to get a young lady wettin 'erself, 'scusing my French, an' then she'll need a bit of a cuddle you see to calm 'er down again. Tried that one mesself when I was a youngster -- got 'em every time if you could get 'em in a dark an' lonely spot and spook 'em a bit about the local legends an' how the Wolfman still prowled around these parts.
Zombies, now -- that's a bit more like the real thing, that is. Livin' dead, yer see. I 'spect yer've come across one or two like that in yer life -- not that yer much more than a young thing yerself, if yer don't mind me saying so, m'dear.... pretty young thing too.
Now ol' Carson, 'e were a bit of a zombie. 'E were the one lived 'ere before me. 'E were alive right enough, but kinda dead inside, if yer know what I mean. Yer could see it in his eyes -- like a fish's eyes they were. Never saw 'im blink an' 'e could make yer right nervous jest lookin' at yer.
A rabbiter 'e were, Carson, an' a damn good un too. Knew every inch of these woods -- out in 'em night and day, places nobody else ever goes. Rcckin there's a secret or two 'e kept out there an' all.
Yer could make a pretty penny outer rabbits in them days. Folks'd pay a shillin' for a nice big doe, cleaned an' dressed. Skins too, once they wuz dried. 'E'd bundle 'em up a dozen at a time an' make a bob or two down the village.
Yeah, that's Carson's skinnin' knives right over there -- that's 'is workshop, y'see. "Keep it sharp, keep it ready," that's what he allus used to say about his gear. Lookit them hooks, now -- bright as a new pin, they are. I keep 'em polished up these days, y'see. Taught me everythin' 'e knew, 'e did.
Once 'e 'ad a rabbit up on one of them hooks, old Carson ud 'ave it cleaned and skinned in half a minute. Them knives -- look how this un's all worn in the blade here -- that's from the sharpenin', that is. Long and slender, that how we like 'em -- jes right for ticklin' in under the skin an' then -- slice -- job's done. I kin show yer later if yer like. Slice -- job's done!
Of course. 'e's gone now. Carson. Jest vanished one day.... ain't nobody seen hide nor hair of 'im fer five years now..... 'cept me of course - I seen 'is hide right enough.
'E were getting' careless yer see. Started getting' bored with killin' rabbits an' went after some other stuff. Small stuff first, yer know. There were these yappy little dogs down the road a mile or so. Couldn't stand 'em, 'e said, so 'e jest shut 'em up, permanent like, if yer know what I mean.
Other animals too, there were. 'E started roaming miles at night, right over Little Taunton way an' out t'other side of woods ter Gresham. Folk had pets go missin' all the time -- they'd think p'raps a fox or summat 'ad got 'em, see. But I knew better, cos I seen 'e'd been in the workshop 'ere; an' there'd be the skins of course. Quite a collection of skins 'e got. I 'spect that's what yer were lookin' at when I first cum in an' found yer, weren't it?
Then there wuz this young couple went missin'. Out courtin' in the woods they wuz. Yer prob'ly read about it in the papers -- big news it were fer a month or two -- never did find 'em of course.
Police came sniffin' around after that an' that's when Carson 'isself had ter go missin'. I had it out wiv 'im right after that nosy young copper 'ad left. Explained it to 'im all logical an' proper like. Course 'e were a bit reluctant at first, but 'e come round.... yeah, 'e 'ad ter come round in the end.... no choice yer see.
So that's the thing, after all. It ain't haunted houses an' ghosts an' vampires an' such what's really scary -- it's people. There's lots o' people around ud scare me more than any ghost. - people like ol' Carson wiv 'is fish eyes. Not that 'e'll be needin 'is eyes where 'e's gone. 'Is skin now, that were a good un -- like it were already tanned, see, 'im bein' out in the weather an' all.
Yer own skin, now, Miss- that's beautiful, that is, if yer don't mind me sayin' so. I see yer got one o' them fancy little tattoos on yer shoulder there - butterfly is it? We'll have ter look after that we will -- careful not ter spoil it yer see when it goes in the collection. Right next ter ol' Carson I'll hang it..... an' them other two young uns...
Now I'd thank yer not ter be squirmin' an' strugglin' so much now. Don't want ter be damagin' that lovely skin now, do we? Allus look after the skin, that's what ol' Carson used ter say.... taught me everything 'e knew.....
~~"~~"~~"~~"~~"~~:~~
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Spelling and grammar irregularities are intentional to convey the accent and dialect of the narrator.
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