| General Non-Fiction posted October 23, 2014 |
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Real world ask for help
Addiction
by bhogg
I won't get too personal, but I'll tell you that a family member of mine is fighting addiction. It would be easy to stand back and say, that would never happen in my family, but it has.
Being incredibly anal, I've attacked this the only way I know how. I've gone to counseling myself to see how I can help and I've also done an incredible amount of research. What an eye opener. What I've found is that I'm a big part of the problem. Every addict has a network of people, who have unknowingly enabled their behavior. I thought my intentions were good, all done out of love. Boy, was I wrong.
The person is one of my children, which makes it even harder. I always worried about this one, because there was a distinct pattern of low self-esteem, lack of discipline, poor money management, and immaturity. I've been so guilty of condemning the behavior without recognizing it for what it was. All are signs of addiction. This is particularly true for someone in his mid-thirties.
A year and a half ago, this child was in the process of losing his home. It was a home in a beautiful location and had what real estate people call good bones. It was not taken care of in the least and was foreclosed. Our entire family united and found another home in another state. The thought being a new start was what was needed. The family car was wrecked, so we all came together and provided a car as well. It actually was my car, low mileage and in great shape. The nicest car I've ever owned.
All of us had the best of intentions, but we were just enabling a behavior that has been there a long, long, time. We just didn't recognize it. Part of the reason is that we've found that addicts are skillful manipulators. We bought the whole, "Oh woe is me", stories, hook line and sinker. When one of your children looks you in the eye, with tears in their own eyes, it's damn hard not to believe them.
My wife and I made an extremely difficult choice today. It's not important to get into details, but it involves an arrest and possible jail sentence. A plea was made to us. It had nothing to do with help or change, it had to do with "beating the rap." In one of the hardest decisions we've made, we're not going to help.
We have reached out with love and honesty and hopefully in a way that will help him regain his dignity. We've let him know that if he is ready for change and to search for solutions, we are there for him. What we're not ready to do is go through the motions and put him right back where he was. We do realize that at this point, addiction is a disease, not a choice. We also realize that it is pointless to wave the magic change wand. Until he decides to change, there is nothing we can do.
Non-Fiction Writing Contest contest entry
I won't get too personal, but I'll tell you that a family member of mine is fighting addiction. It would be easy to stand back and say, that would never happen in my family, but it has.
Being incredibly anal, I've attacked this the only way I know how. I've gone to counseling myself to see how I can help and I've also done an incredible amount of research. What an eye opener. What I've found is that I'm a big part of the problem. Every addict has a network of people, who have unknowingly enabled their behavior. I thought my intentions were good, all done out of love. Boy, was I wrong.
The person is one of my children, which makes it even harder. I always worried about this one, because there was a distinct pattern of low self-esteem, lack of discipline, poor money management, and immaturity. I've been so guilty of condemning the behavior without recognizing it for what it was. All are signs of addiction. This is particularly true for someone in his mid-thirties.
A year and a half ago, this child was in the process of losing his home. It was a home in a beautiful location and had what real estate people call good bones. It was not taken care of in the least and was foreclosed. Our entire family united and found another home in another state. The thought being a new start was what was needed. The family car was wrecked, so we all came together and provided a car as well. It actually was my car, low mileage and in great shape. The nicest car I've ever owned.
All of us had the best of intentions, but we were just enabling a behavior that has been there a long, long, time. We just didn't recognize it. Part of the reason is that we've found that addicts are skillful manipulators. We bought the whole, "Oh woe is me", stories, hook line and sinker. When one of your children looks you in the eye, with tears in their own eyes, it's damn hard not to believe them.
My wife and I made an extremely difficult choice today. It's not important to get into details, but it involves an arrest and possible jail sentence. A plea was made to us. It had nothing to do with help or change, it had to do with "beating the rap." In one of the hardest decisions we've made, we're not going to help.
We have reached out with love and honesty and hopefully in a way that will help him regain his dignity. We've let him know that if he is ready for change and to search for solutions, we are there for him. What we're not ready to do is go through the motions and put him right back where he was. We do realize that at this point, addiction is a disease, not a choice. We also realize that it is pointless to wave the magic change wand. Until he decides to change, there is nothing we can do.
Being incredibly anal, I've attacked this the only way I know how. I've gone to counseling myself to see how I can help and I've also done an incredible amount of research. What an eye opener. What I've found is that I'm a big part of the problem. Every addict has a network of people, who have unknowingly enabled their behavior. I thought my intentions were good, all done out of love. Boy, was I wrong.
The person is one of my children, which makes it even harder. I always worried about this one, because there was a distinct pattern of low self-esteem, lack of discipline, poor money management, and immaturity. I've been so guilty of condemning the behavior without recognizing it for what it was. All are signs of addiction. This is particularly true for someone in his mid-thirties.
A year and a half ago, this child was in the process of losing his home. It was a home in a beautiful location and had what real estate people call good bones. It was not taken care of in the least and was foreclosed. Our entire family united and found another home in another state. The thought being a new start was what was needed. The family car was wrecked, so we all came together and provided a car as well. It actually was my car, low mileage and in great shape. The nicest car I've ever owned.
All of us had the best of intentions, but we were just enabling a behavior that has been there a long, long, time. We just didn't recognize it. Part of the reason is that we've found that addicts are skillful manipulators. We bought the whole, "Oh woe is me", stories, hook line and sinker. When one of your children looks you in the eye, with tears in their own eyes, it's damn hard not to believe them.
My wife and I made an extremely difficult choice today. It's not important to get into details, but it involves an arrest and possible jail sentence. A plea was made to us. It had nothing to do with help or change, it had to do with "beating the rap." In one of the hardest decisions we've made, we're not going to help.
We have reached out with love and honesty and hopefully in a way that will help him regain his dignity. We've let him know that if he is ready for change and to search for solutions, we are there for him. What we're not ready to do is go through the motions and put him right back where he was. We do realize that at this point, addiction is a disease, not a choice. We also realize that it is pointless to wave the magic change wand. Until he decides to change, there is nothing we can do.
 Recognized |
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Those of you familiar with my writing will see that this is totally different than normal. A simple reason. There are extremely gifted people on Fanstory and if you have advice or input, I'd love to hear it. Sorry for such a downer.
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