I walk these long hallways often, the people and the smells familiar. The sickness, long illnesses and confused loneliness lingers and fills the rooms as I walk past the many doorways. I could walk my way blindfolded for I know this place like the back of my hand although I wish I never had to be here at all.
The people I see everyday with their blank stares looking at nothing in particular, asking a nurse for help, or sometimes talking to people unseen.
It's sad that these are their ending years and for some, very empty lonely years. So many times I stop to say a kind hello, hoping to make someone's day
a little better because I do sincerely understand that we all need someone to care.
The clank and clatter of the dinner cart in the hallway is predictable as always...5:00pm sharp. The smell of the food and the sterile cleanliness mingled together in the air almost sickens my stomach. Alarm bells sound as someone tries to get up from a wheelchair or from the opening of a secure coded door rings loud in my ears.
But my walk is deliberate because her is where my mother will spend her last moments in time. Locked behind a secured unit for her safety as well as many others that suffer with this horrible disease of Alzheimer's.
I could cry every time I visit, but I'm the strong one now, I am her protector, her familiar smile, the one that knows what's best for her. The one that carries the guilt of the one that put her here.
But the place is lovely like home and the staff are caring and attentive in their skill.
I come and go as I please, visiting my mom as often as possible, bringing her ice cream, watching movies, holding hands and even taking "selfies"...I feel I've made the right choices so I do get some comfort in believing that.
I want her to be as comfortable as possible in her setting and she is. The time we spend together more precious than the finest jewels because love is the most important feeling of all, I cherish every moment. But I know that one day my walks will cease in these very halls that I've grown accustomed. I know that I will miss the familiarness of this place...but of course I'll just miss my mother's innocent smiling face...knowing I'd do it again and again if I had the chance...