Sometime before dawn she drifted off to sleep, where the Wiccans of the world pointed at her and laughed as she lay on a forest floor with a twisted ankle. She awoke scant hours later, too wound up to sleep in but too tired to be firing on all cylinders. Shades would be in bed by now. Knowing him he'd set his alarm for lunchtime, so that his sleep patterns would be at least a little in tune with hers for that evening. She just hoped she'd be awake enough to appreciate it.

She pottered around the kitchen preparing breakfast, then played with her muesli. She was just putting things off though, she knew. Never mind Sunday, Dorothy had always been an early riser. At half past eight she bit the bullet, pulled out her phone and opened up her contacts list.

"Hi, Dorothy? It's Ess, Vanessa. Remember me?"

"Ess, darling. Of course I remember you. You've been busy recently, I hear. What a surprise to hear from you. How long has it been?"

Ess heard the criticism there, even if it wasn't intended. Too busy to phone.

"I was wondering if I could come see you?"

"Of course. You know the kettle's always on. When were you thinking?"

Ess bit her lip. "This morning?"

There was a pause. Ess could almost hear the judgement on the other end of the phone, which was silly. Of course she wasn't judging her. Why should she?

"Wonderful. We can catch up. Are you still in London?"

"Yes. I can be there about eleven?"

"I'll see you then."

There, it was done. Ess grabbed her bag and jacket and headed for the door. No backing out now. She'd as good as admitted failure on the phone. Now all she had to do was face those eyes that tried to hide the disappointment.

Dorothy had officially retired from teaching and had a small house in Reading. A tube ride to Paddington and the express to Reading was simple enough. She could have made the journey any time since she arrived in London, but she never had. Dorothy, despite her ditzy persona and flower-power dress sense, had a core of iron. She demanded no less from her charges. Ess had thought herself a feminist before meeting Dorothy, but Dorothy's philosophy eschewed politics and organised feminism. Her beliefs had distilled into one rule: be reliant on no one. She hadn't so much taught herbal lore to Ess, she'd allowed Ess to teach herself. And now here she was, watching the countryside fly past her window on her desperate flight to her mentor for help.

Her phone rang. It was Oz.

"Watchya, gorgeous. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Oz."

"Only you threw a bit of a wobbly last night. That's not like you, running away from a fight."

"I -- I just didn't want to talk about it, that's all."

"Yeah, but you didn't have to do a runner. We could have spent the rest of the evening flirting. You know you love it."

"I was tired, that's all."

"Yeah. Of course, you know that I know you're lying, but as a friend I'm far too considerate to call you a liar to your face, or pursue it further. But you're a liar, Vanessa Williams. You'll feel better getting it out in the open."

"Maybe later."

"Okay. But we're still good, yeah? Fancy a pie and a pint later?"

"I can't. I'm meeting someone, and then Shades is coming around."

"Meeting someone? Nothing to do with Daisy, I hope."

"No, just a friend, back from university days."

"Okay. Because I meant what I said, you know. This job is toxic, Ess. The quicker we drop it, the better."

"Tunnel coming up. Got to go. Bye." She hung up on him. He meant well, she knew, but he didn't understand. He couldn't, and she couldn't explain it to him.

***

Dorothy's house had the sort of front garden that inspired angry letters to the local garden society. To the untrained eye it looked as though no one had touched it in years. Ess started to identify the herbs, but quickly gave up. There wasn't a herbalist in the country that could touch her old mentor.

A girl, fresh out of school by the looks of her, straightened and pushed hair away from her face. She had a fistful of leaves and flowers in her hand. She smiled at Ess.

"Welcome, Sister."

She may have retired from teaching, but Dorothy still had students, it seemed.

"Yeah, cheers," replied Ess. It wasn't a greeting you'd read in any coven handbook, but she hadn't spoken like a heroine in a sixteenth century novel in her life, and she was damned if she was going to now.

"Dorothy's in the kitchen." She led Ess around the house, throwing shy glances at her as they went. Yes, that's right, thought Ess. I'm a real, honest to goodness Wiccan sister. Eat your greens and one day you can grow up to be me.

The back door led directly into the kitchen. Ess stepped across the threshold and back ten years. The kitchen was a mess of pans, mortars, jars and bowls. The air was thick with savoury spice. Dorothy looked up from a saucepan and smiled.

"Hello Ess, dear. You've met Angela? She helps around the garden. I'm getting too old to bend down nowadays."

Ess didn't believe it for a minute. She bet Dorothy could place both elbows on the ground without bending her knees.

Dorothy beckoned the young girl over and examined her haul.

"This one." She held up a leaf. "You need to pinch it off at the stem, not just the leaf, otherwise infection can set in. This, you've got the top five leaves. Only go for three. The lower down the stem, the more bitter it tastes, and we don't want that. What's this one?"

The girl glanced up at Ess before answering, as if to make sure she had an audience to perform for. "Old Man's Wort. Centres the chi, focusses your energies and eases your bowels."

Dorothy grunted. "Okay. If you want, you can come back tomorrow evening, and I'll show you an analgesic safe for childbirth. May the Mother walk with you till you return."

"And with you." She all but curtsied, and with a final glance at Ess she ran for the door.

"And has the Mother walked with you?" she asked Ess, dumping the leaves into a teapot and pouring scalding water on top. "Because I'm not sure even She knew it would be quite so long before you returned."

"You could have told her she was right," said Ess.

Dorothy shrugged. "What's the good of telling someone they're right? Telling them they're wrong is the useful bit. Not that I could ever tell you, not in a way you'd listen." She looked up from the teapot and examined Ess. "Still, the Mother's been looking over you, from what I hear. Quite the adventurer. That was always in you, hiding behind your insecurities. That and your rebellious streak. Still, you're looking well. Sit down, girl, you're making the place look untidy."

Ess pulled out a chair and sat at the table.

"Still practicing the noble art, or is it all slaying dragons with you now?" Dorothy pulled down a couple of mismatched cups and placed them on the table.

"A little. Still keep my emergency kit with me." She patted her bag.

"I don't suppose you're in a coven or taken an apprentice?"

Ess shrugged. "I don't seem to have the time at the moment.

Dorothy grunted her scepticism of the excuse as she sat across the corner of the table and poured the tea into the cups.

"Well? Every minute takes me closer to my grave. Why are you here?"

Ess took a sip of the tea to brace herself. The taste took her back to her university days, seated with a couple of the other girls at Dorothy's feet, awe and terror mixed in equal measure.

"There's -- I think --" Mother and all her handmaidens, this was hard. As she place the cup on the table it rattled with the shaking of her hand. Dorothy reached out and placed her hand on her wrist. Then she rose, shuffled a few jars around on the shelf and found a small flask. She unstoppered it and poured a glug into Ess' cup. After a moment she shrugged and repeated the action with her cup.

"A soother?" asked Ess. Dorothy took a sip and winced.

"Sort of. Thirty percent proof soother. Now piss or get off the pot."

Ess closed her eyes. I'm a daughter of Gaia. I am one with the world. I am not some naïve student or a girly girl, I am Ess!

"There's something on me."

She wanted to vomit. More, she wanted to turn herself inside out and scrape herself clean. She shuddered and suppressed the emotion welling up inside. Dorothy's arms enveloped her. For a moment she pulled away and then she leant into the woman, shaking. Thirty seconds later Dorothy released her as suddenly as the hug had begun and returned to her seat as though nothing had happened.

"You always were a stubborn girl," she said. "Drink your tea."

Ess opened her eyes and reached for the cup with both hands. She inhaled the acrid fumes, then took a sip. The burning wasn't just from the temperature of the water.

"Only thirty percent proof?" Ess smiled at her own weak joke.

"Strong drink mocks the spirit and destroys the body. Besides, there's a time for getting pissed out of your head, and this isn't it. That's enough to be medicinal. Sit still, girl." Ess saw her mentor's eyes unfocus and felt awkward at the unfamiliarity of having someone else read her aura. Dorothy's gaze came back into this plane.

"You were precocious when it came to auras, I seem to recall. Very little I could teach you about that. Still keep that up?"

Ess nodded.

"Not really my cup of tea, aura reading." Dorothy sniffed. It seemed to Ess that, if a sniff could have a tone, it was one of disapproval. "Too much like tealeaf reading for the tourists, but it comes in handy sometimes. Nothing overly wrong with your aura, given the obvious stress. Something else there too. A partner, maybe? Not my business, of course. So, whatever's on you, it's not a permanent thing. But it's heavy."

Ess nodded again, not trusting herself to speak.

"Must be heavy as a ton of sin for you to seek help. I remember you'd rather spend a day of your own mistakes than five minutes of someone else's help. Stubborn. But physicians make the worst patients, so they say. Someone's lain something on you, and whatever it is they've sewn your mouth up too. Tricky, that. Can't cure you if I don't know the disease. And you can't heal yourself, either." She stared at Ess as she took another draft of her tea. Then she shrugged. "So what? You expect me to wave my hands and mutter a spell? Abracadabra and you're whole?"

Ess shook her head, embarrassment rising up towards her face.

"No, this is a tricky one. It's going to take time. I'll have to feel my way. I take it it wasn't a sister did this."

"No. I mean, what sister would?"

"Well, there are all sorts. Some would if they had a reason. Not sure they could, though. You were always strong. That's why I tolerated the stubborn in you. I don't think a sister could, not on you. So someone else then. One of your adventures, eh? Can you tell me who? What?"

Ess thought of the face of the king, his eyes filling her vision, the gravity of his expression, the absolute inevitability of his command. She opened her mouth. Shame filled her as she exposed her vulnerability and helplessness to the one person who demanded independence from her. She tried to say who had put this injunction on her, to utter even the slightest clue, but it just would not come. The shame turned to anger and she screamed a meaningless word of rage and frustration at the woman in front of her.

Dorothy raised an eyebrow. "That'll be a no then. Got to admire them. They've worked a number on you, and no mistake. It'll take more than a cup of tea and a chorus of 'sisters are doing it for themselves' round the campfire. No, I'll need to work on it. Give me a week or two."

Seven days, he'd said, and she had to return regardless. Seven days, and one gone already.

She must have betrayed some of it on her face, because Dorothy narrowed her eyes. "Patience wasn't your strong point either, but there's more than that. This thing you can't speak about, is it something soon?"

Yes! screamed Ess in her head, while her jaw remained firmly locked.

Dorothy nodded. "Best set to, then." She stood and walked to the sideboard, returning with a pair of scissors in her hand. She took Ess' hair in her other hand and snipped a length, dropping the cutting into an envelope. "Hand." Ess held out her hand and Dorothy snipped the fingernail from her little finger, dropping that in with the hair. "Got to work backwards, then. Find out what's wrong with you, so I can find out how. Did they give you anything to drink? Eat?"

"No."

"No personal items, no snippets of hair?"

"No."

"All this without any totems or potions? Really?" Dorothy paused and stared long and hard at Ess. "Just who are you up against, Sister?"