The year is 1967. The place is Los Angeles, California. It's a bustling city with three and half million inhabitants. L.A. is massive. Thousands of streets criss-cross each other throughout this urban sprawl. Like a web of deceit, crime is rampant and flows freely along these streets.

It takes a special type of crime fighter to keep all the criminals in check. That's where I come in. My name is Sgt. Joe Writer, I carry a pen. My partners are Period Man, Comma Dude and Exclamation Markie. It's our job to make sure that the streets of L.A. are free of the criminal element.



"I know it's hard to believe that there are only four of us to tackle all the crimes that occur throughout the city, the truth is, sometimes it is more than we can handle," I said to the applicant standing before me.

"Foul language and the improper use of grammar are high on the list of offences. Punctuation, though, is something that, at times, is completely out of control.

"As 'The Writer', I can change any scenario to suit my own specific needs. Period Man can stop anything in its tracks. When he comes forth, all stops, period."

"Yeah man, period." Period Man slapped the desk he was sitting at.

"Comma Dude can pause things, proportionate to the situation of course. He can also change the direction of what is going on." Comma Dude looked up to face the girl standing before him and changed his frown, into a smile.

"Exclamation Markie, that stunning, slim, dark beauty over there to your right, is tough. Don't let her good looks fool you. It has been many a time when she has had to slam the point home, BAM!" Everyone slammed their hands on their desks.

After this brief introduction Sgt. Writer and his three cohorts rose to their feet and shook hands with the new applicant. They moved to the Situation Room where they could all sit around the circular table.

"Now that you have been introduced to my crew," said Sgt. Writer, "let me reveal to you the type of crimes that may occur."

"Tell her about the delicate situation that almost overwhelmed us last week," butted in Comma Dude.

"I was just about to do that.

"Anyway, as I was about to say- I was writing the script of the city when Question Mark started acting up. He can be a pesky little bugger at times, really persistent. Just when I had Question Mark under control, Exclamation Markie chimed in."

"Hey! Writer! Let me take care of that nosy Question Mark," exclaimed Exclamation Markie. "I'll lay him out! Come on! Write me in!"

"No! It's not the right time for you." I wrote.

"Why won't you let me take care of him?" Exclamation Markie had let another question out of the bag. "Ooops."

"Exclamation Markie realized her mistake and clapped her hands over her mouth, but it was too late. The words were out and Question Mark started to once again roll with the questions.

"It was crazy. Why should I?" I wrote. "What have you done for me lately? Will you at least be nice and stop slamming the point home?"

"How do you expect me to stop exploding into existence? Man!" replied
Exclamation Markie. She was really steaming by this point.

"Writing furiously I tried to out write Question Mark but it was just an exercise in futility. He was fast and knew all the right questions to ask.

"Do you think you can be more ladylike?" I wrote. "Do you think you can do that?"

"Why should I?" Exclamation Markie answered me with a question of her own.

"I tried to, but I couldn't stop writing questions. The city around me was feeling the blast of confusion from all the questions being asked. Madness filled the minds of the citizens of L.A. They were questioning everything. 'Why is this? What is that? Who? What? Where? When? Why and how?' It was madness I tell you, madness! The questions streamed forth and drowned out any answer that was in the minds of these confused souls.

"This went on for hours and Question Mark was in his glory. He was controlling every sentence so that it would end in a question. Period Man was not too happy, but Comma Dude went along for the ride, pausing along the way to take in what was being asked.

"Finally I saw a little light in the distance. It was beckoning me. I moved towards the light and brought Exclamation Markie with me for protection. As we moved closer we could hear the faint murmuring of a word. It was struggling to make itself known. My ears strained, Exclamation Markie was bouncing up and down as if she were a pogo stick. She too could hear the word. If the right question was asked, there was a solution!

"It was so simple. Why hadn't I thought of it before? Damn, another Question Mark slipped out. I could feel his presence. Take cover, I said to Exclamation Markie. What was that solution? It was on the tip of my tongue, wasn't it? Exclamation Markie, why do you think this is happening?

"Because," whispered Exclamation Markie.

"WHY?" I yelled.

"Because," she whispered again.

"Question Mark being the curious soul that he is, revealed himself and moved in close to Exclamation Markie to hear what she was saying, that was when she let him have it."

"BECAUSE!!!"

"The word tore through Question Mark like a grizzly bear tearing open a dried stump to get at the honey inside. The results however were not so sweet, at least not for Question Mark.

"Parenthesis, it is apparent to all of us that we could use your services. On behalf of myself and my colleagues I'd like to welcome you aboard.

"What?"
 
"Oh no, will this madness ever end?"