Satire Fiction posted November 17, 2012


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White in a Green Man's World

by Spiritual Echo

Fake Science Article Contest Winner 
PRESS RELEASE

What began as an experiment in the dermatology department of Duke University has now made its way into main-stream America.

In response to Michael Jackson's generous endowment to the university, experiments were inituated to discover methods of treating his skin disorder, Vitiligo.

The disorder that manifests itself as a loss of pigmentation caused the deceased super-star a life-long battle with the disease. Often accused of bleaching his skin, Jackson suffered both racial and personal loss of identity. He was reported as telling the doctors that his skin colour made little difference, yet he understood that the average American never forgave him for morphing into a white man, assuming he turned his back on his cultural roots.

His legacy and financial support of the program unearthed a social trend in America that supersedes all forms of body art.

As reported in the New York Times this morning, researchers at Duke have announced that skin color is now an option.

Scientists have the means to transform a person's skin to the color of choice. The procedure does not restrict itself to shades of brown or white. In fact, the pink shades have been highly successful, but blue tones, ranging from navy to the slightest whisper of mauve, have been perfected.

Currently the drug will only sustain change for a short period of time, ranging between twenty-four and forty-eight hours, but doctors are encouraged by initial trials and continue their efforts to find a permanent solution.

METHOD

By extracting natural pigments from pigs,researchers began the arduous task of dissolving the African pigment from the volunteers who opted to be white. While moderately successful, turning indigo to beige, they were no further ahead in the research and were unable to assist Mr. Jackson during his lifetime.

They discovered that by mixing up the DNA from six continents it caused skin colour to take on a daffodil hue. This discovery led to wide-spread panic at Duke University where researchers and interns alike feared any association with Asia as the race of choice.

Through genetic engineering the doctors reconfigured the formulas and developed shades of blue. While pleasing to the eye, the new race was an affront to the Republican party who had financially supported the experiments at Duke with specific instructions to create a population of red people.

This focus proved to be a major setback for Duke. Although, scientifically they were deemed successful, the new race was immediately labelled as 'Pinkos.'

DISCUSSION

The original scientists who spearheaded the project have resigned, but through a leak at Duke University, the formulas have made it into main-stream America. Tattoo parlors have given up their penchant for body art and are advertising full racial profile exchange programs, offering credit options for those deemed in dire need.

Although the new palette of colours is not guaranteed for more than a maximum of seven days, there are already thousands of customers who have signed up for momentary fantasies. The five thousand dollar price tag for the procedure has not inhibited sales.

CONCLUSION

Without a historical past to interpret America's view on pink people or the newest fad, green, scientists shudder at the possible loss of social hatred. As the head of the project, Mr. Huson Smith,stated,"I can't take responsibility for social repercussions."

The President was unavailable for comment.








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