The Army was one long miss adventure from beginning to end. One of my happier moments in basic training was when I received my M-16 A1 assault rifle. This is every kids dream. Every game of guns I ever played as a kid. Every war game. Every pretended battle game I had since I could remember was now coming to fruition.

It started with my weapons card. It was issued like the week before. It was kind of like a library card , but it entitled me to one M-16. I just kept taking it out and looking at it. I memorized the number on the card, I looked at it so much. The day we were supposed to get our weapon they reminded us to bring our card. Like I could forget. Although a few soldiers actually did forget their cards.

The whole company of about one hundred and seventy soldiers were assembled in formation in front of the armory. We all stood at parade rest waiting to be called to go get our weapons. Finally it was my turn. I went up the six steps and across the cement porch to the window of the armory. A more than slightly used M-16 A1 fully automatic assault rifle was placed in my hot little hands.

We had to double time it back to the formation as everyone was waiting to get their hands on one. I ran across the porch with my weapon held in front of me.
I was floating on air as I ran toward the stairs leading down to get back in formation. Just as I got to the top of the stairs, I tripped and pretty much dove off the top of the stairs. I did a superman dive and cleared the entire flight of stairs. With my weapon held tightly in both hands I hit the pavement. I landed on my stomach which knocked the wind out of me. I scrapped my elbows and knees horribly, and my weapon was torn from my hands by the impact. It flew across the pavement. In my horror, I saw, it was broken in half and pieces were laying on the ground.

I did get a nice round of applause from the entire company. The drill instructor came over and asked me, "Are you okay". It was a real gut check. I couldn't breath and I was bleeding from everywhere, and my recently acquired prized possession, was now in pieces on the ground, and I was completely humiliated in front of the entire company.

"Yea I'm okay.", I croaked.

"Pick up that weapon and bring it over here", he said.

I did what I was told. It turns out I hadn't broken the thing at all. The charging handles had come off and they easily snapped back into place. The drill sargent put it together and handed it to me. Turns out if you drop your weapon they make you do push ups. Even though I was bruised, battered, and barely breathing. I managed to do about thirty push ups.

I established quite a reputation after that. I was labeled the fucked up PFC(private first class). The entire company knew who I was. For weeks to come they would be talking about the spectacular crash of the fucked up PFC.