That was another one of the hints that I had been given. I just couldn't get anyone to confirm anything. Nobody tells you anything when you have a mean Irish dad who is as strong as Mike Tyson and equally violent. It's like trying to get information from the mobs family. This brings me to another clue I found at the annual family barbecue. That was always a fun time. Every year we would have a big barbecue and the entire family would come. This one year was a good one. Everyone had gotten completely hammered. When you're a child you don't really know what drunk is, but you get caught up in the merry making and mirth. My Uncle Neil and my Aunt were there. They picked me up and told me they hadn't seen me since I was three. I just went along with it. It was easier just to agree with people when they said things like that rather than going through my adoption at age seven spiel and telling them they couldn't possibly have known me when I was three.

There was a part of me that remembered them. They used to come and visit my real mom when I was still in diapers. They would bounce me on their knee and give me gulps of beer. They used to tell me a joke that I often repeated.

"Here comes the garbage man stick your can out the window." It was strange hearing that joke again at the barbecue. It was as if something I thought was dead had sprung back to life, if only for a fleeting moment. Well, I wasn't in diapers anymore. My Aunt and Uncle Neil were still the life of the party. I said to my mother, "you know my aunt and uncle Neil said they haven't seen me since I was a three. I don't think that's possible."

My mother was pretty drunk too and she was very animated when she said," You know what? Anything is possible."

If Blues Clues was around I would have shouted a clue and written it down in my trusty notebook. More confusion set in. How could my father's relatives have known me when I was three?

Oh well, I wasn't going to let anything get me down at this party. I was off to the pool jumping through small inner tubes. I found I could dive through holes smaller than my body, and my weight and force would pop me through. I Showed this to Uncle Lafe who was a six foot five two hundred and seventy five pound man. I dared him to jump through one of the small inner tubes. He walked out to the end of the diving board and the hole was no more than ten inches in diameter. I slid it out in front of him. To my amazement he sprung of the board and into the tube and he went right through. That was a close one. I laughed and laughed.
Never one to settle I had to push the envelope a little. I had this little floating basketball hoop that was inflatable. The top ring where the basketball went in was about six inches. He dared me to jump through it. I was a little hesitant but how could I chicken out after he just broke the laws of physics jumping through the small doughnut.

I went out to the end of the board. I sprung off. Swish I went right through. I was prepared to let the game end there. Not uncle Lafe, no sir, he climbed back on that board insisted I put that basketball hoop in front of him. I tried to talk him out of it. He wouldn't have it. He sprung high off the board, came down like a jack hammer. Bam! Right into that little hole. Well he made it halfway through. Came out with that inflatable hoop wrapped firmly around his chest and stomach. We couldn't get it off. I was rolling with laughter. My mother had to run in the house and get the scissors and cut it off. It left a pretty good mark like a tourniquet, but he was okay.

Then a little while later my Uncle Olsen showed up. I don't know why but he was the only man alive that could make my dad act like a little kid. He came to the front door and called me over through the screen. Gave me a gun.

Said," Go get your dad. I want to play a practical joke on your mom."

I did what he said. Dad snuck over to the door, and I was listening as the plan was hatched. I was to go get mom and tell her Dad was arguing with Uncle Olsen. Which I did.

"Mom, Mom, come quick something wrong with Dad and Uncle Olsen."

She came quickly and the arguing between the two sounded intense and angry and very genuine. Uncle Olsen pulled out his 38 and started firing. Bang, Bang, Bang. Dad went down pulled out his gun, and started firing. My Mom is not the bravest women and she ran the other way. Mom thought I was the bravest as I ran over to help my fallen Father. She yelled for me to come back. Just then all the laughing started. They were blanks. My Uncle Olsen always knew how to make an entrance. Mom was a little angry at first, but the thrill of it seemed to wash over her and a few good hugs from Dad and Olsen and she was good.