I almost dressed myself today, a clever little stunt;
My underpants were inside-out, my shirt was back to front.
I almost helped to pull some weeds from our new garden bed;
It seems the plants that I pulled out were lettuces instead.

I almost lost my Mommy in the supermarket aisles.
I would have had to walk back home, one million-squillion miles.
I almost ate a fuzzy worm as my new sandwich filler;
My Daddy says he's really called a 'Bleedin' caterpillar!'

I almost drove my Daddy's car, it rolled into the wall;
He says we'll prob'ly pay it off by sometime in the Fall.
I almost got the painter fired who came to paint the fence;
He said he only tied me up as basic self-defence.

I almost taught the pussy-cat to be the dog's best friend;
The vet says that the broken leg will 'ventually mend.
I almost flied like Superman from off the carport roof;
The doctor at the clinic said, 'We'll fiksh your miffing toof.'

I almost caught my Mom and Dad playing games in bed;
I really mustn't tell you all the horrid words they said.
I almost cooked the dinner; all the vegetables I choppeded;
Tell me why is Mommy googling 'How to get your child adopted?'