Miss Isabel complained the woman seems to be up all day and all night, and all kinds of people are coming in and out, especially in the dead of night. She knew that something with the woman was very wrong and didn't like the tone she took with her.

She also asked me how to get the woman evicted and my advice was to start now, and immediately seek legal assistance. She complained to me over the price a lawyer would cost and I point blank told her, "I don't know what's going on yet, but you might end up stuck paying far more if you don't have a lawyer." Now I will be watching and protecting Miss Isabel.

I did find a bit of sweet relief! I visited my mom and was planning to walk to the Moose Lodge when I turned onto Joppa Road in Towson and found Miss Usha's new place. I couldn't help but walk in and it was like old times. In her new location, Miss Usha and the other Indian women were very busy, but I patiently waited and had tea with them.

They said they missed my food so I promised to bring some with me the next time; snacks as they insisted. I got my hair cut there, and since Pumpkin was there, she told me that she can still try the dishes that I make.

Since she ate seafood dishes, the next month I decided to make Maryland Crabmeat Curry, an old Eastern Shore plantation recipe found in John Shields cookbook, "Chesapeake Bay Cooking." I brought it to Usha's the next time I visited and had my hair cut, she told me that she couldn't eat it. So I had to pry a bit to find out the difference between this seafood and the others hrimp dishes.

Miss Usha had her drive me to the Moose Lodge which was on her way home. Right off the bat she mentioned her husband and the fact that he worked as a gas station manager in Carney; also brought up the children. To me it was a coy way to say she isn't interested in anything else but the food.
I sort of secretly had to laugh, because while the conversation was about food, it took the tone of trying to barter for a kiss on the first date. With a guarded admission, it turned out that she wasn't Hindu, but of the Islamic faith. She told me she didn't want me to know, because Muslim cooking has certain food requirements that would make more work for me.

"And Hindu doesn't?"

I promised I will look into things and if I feel I can cook Muslim, then I will. Once home, I immediately went online and researched, "Islamic food law." It popped up quite a lot of associated links, and I chose the one with the theme of, "Islamic cooking for non-muslins," what I jokingly referred to as, "The Idiots Guide on Islamic Cooking."

I knew enough about kosher cooking to know that it wasn't practical enough for me to do in my home, and found a great similarity between the two on raising livestock, butchering and inspecting the meats. But their only insistence to cook Halal in the home was that all pots be cleaned and rinsed out before use, and one purchases a cutting board to be strictly used for Halal meats.

I felt it was reasonable and not unlike what I did for my vegetarian cooking for the Hindus, but I wanted to be completely sure. That left only one option, knock on the door of the house where lived the Muslim girl I walked up on and embarrassed. Now that was going to take guts.

I was walking up Harford Road to the vets to pick something up and saw the Muslim girlls younger sister walking towards her home. I figured there is no time like the present and wondered if the other girl had mentioned anything to her about me. Oh hell, "Excuse me, I have a question I have to ask you?"

It was the look on her face peering out of her blue hijab which led me to believe her amusing thought was, Ok are you going to ask me out or hit on me.

I continued, "I have been cooking Indian food and trying to figure out how to make a Mutton Biryani recipe and need to cook Halal for other Indians to try it. I wonder if you can help me out with the Halal part."

I think her curiosity in this kept her interest and I explained what I learned about Halal cooking. She too questioned my having to cook for myself. I explained I am presently married, but the wife isn't happy and prefers to be out of the house doing her own thing.

"Well, I am not Indian, I am Palestinian but you should knock on the door and talk to my parents, they should be able help you out." I thought, Palestinian ... That explains a lot.

The next day, I leashed the dog to the piping at their driveway, walked up on the porch and knocked. It took a while but the door opened and it was the man; who was older and it was obvious I had interrupted him from prayer as his prayer hat was on.

"Excuse me sir, I need to learn to cook Halal so Muslim people can try my dishes." I pulled out the papers I printed out from the internet and added, "I pulled up Islamic Food Law on the internet need to know if this is right."

He couldn't have appeared more suspicious. "You are learning what? Why? Are you becoming Muslim?"

"No sir, I am learning Indian cooking and want to do the dishes that have meat, but Indians that eat meat are mainly Muslim. I only think its fair for them to cook it Halal."

I think I had to repeat myself and I showed him the material I learned from. "Well all I know, is that you need to buy the meat from the Halal butcher and Baltimore has two of them. He gave me the one that he used which was in Essex and too far away, but he also mentioned on 33rd Street in the city, which was Pakistani.

I was hoping he would let me talk to his wife about preparing Halal food as that machine gun shooting woman would steer me straight, but he point blank said, "Well, for cooking Halal food, this seems correct, but I don't know for sure and you are not permitted to talk to my wife.

A bit disappointed with the results, I then went to the House of Kabob, who not only did Halal cooking, but they were also on Harford Road right at the end of my street. It was fairly empty but the waitress took a greater interest, when I called Halal cooking much more accommodating then Kosher cooking.

She found curiosity in this and asked me to explain Kosher cooking so I used their restaurant as an example as their dishes would be removed, every cooking surface flamed, new pots brought in and all the cooking would be supervised by Rabbis.

The waitress became very irate, started puffing, and in one motion put her hand on her hip, stomped her foot and shot a finger in the air, "Yes, of course! That is because we're ... Muslim!"

"No, I saw this on the TV News and they were koshering the Pikesville Hilton's kitchen and they are Jewish owned and operated. "

I think the restaurateur came out in her and her mouth dropped open wide and she exclaimed, "They do this on their own, but how is this practical?"

"I think that is the whole point and kosher is as much a religious practice as a food one. That's why I would never be able to keep a Kosher kitchen. You also can't store the meat with the milk and need separate pots to cook everything."

I got a kick out of the exchange, and learned something about dealing with people and their perceptions. The waitress was also cute, and I jokingly wondered if she would be a good replacement when Rita leaves, but decided what I loved about her was her angry reaction, and to keep myself amused would have to evoke it several times a day.

I went back to the House of Kabob and caught the owner and his daughter, I explained my plans and they felt that they should be fine, and felt that purchasing the Halal meat was all that was really required.

That weekend, I took the 19 bus to 25th street and walked the rest of the 1.6 miles to get to Punjab Grocers and Halal Meats. They were helpful and the cost of the meat was economical, but I quickly found first I had to stop him from grinding everything, then from cutting it up, which costs more than just buying a cut of meat. I enjoyed the store because they offered more fresh Indian vegetables and had a wider assortment of goods then most.

I created my Mutton Biryani, and took it to Miss Usha's for Pumkin and brought Onion Bhajis for the other women. They are a chick pea flour coated onion dumplings that are deep fried. Also Dosas, which are rice pancakes topped with vegetables and savory herbs. The women loved them.

When I made my next visit, I brought with me Indian Bread Pudding, which was also well liked and Pumpkin told me that the Lamb Biryani was good, but not the recipe her family used. When I asked her how many different recipes there were she laughed. Miss Usha mentioned there was another Indian restaurant in the area and I should try them out.

I went the other way into Towson and found the Kathmandu Kitchen, an ornately decorated restaurant that actually gives you the feel of Nepal. I immediately tried their Lamb Biryani and it too was completely different in both looks and taste from all the others. Everything about it was great, the presentation, the smell and the taste, yet it wasn't the Biryani I was seeking.

I racked my mind on what mutton was considered, "old lamb," yet there wasn't any such thing available. Trying to figure this out from memories of years passed from dining at Myfal's took a period of a couple months and was tough. To me the meat was much darker and chewier; it also had a peculiar richness.

It was back to Kathmandu Kitchen, and this time I ordered a goat dish. To me the meat was a match and it was then off to Punjab Grocers to pick up my goat meat. In my kitchen, I cooked things a little differently than the recipes that I tried. I cooked the Basmati rice on the side and left it plain, but cooked everything else as the directions dictated, but but for leaving it with a bit more broth.

However, the goat was so tough, you couldn't chew it and my emergency response was to throw it in a crock pot and cook it to hell. When I finished, the meat was still chewy, but tender enough to eat; I loved both the flavor and the body; while not a match for Myfal's version it wasn't too far off.

I first tried to take the food to the House of Kabob, but the owners wouldn't try it, however Ken, the Matre' D did and enjoyed it. The owner told me that my bringing food in for them would put them at odds with the State food laws. I also took it to the Muslim's house and he refused to try it saying he wasn't Indian and really didn't care for their cooking. He then went inside and brought out one of his deserts they eat, basically a nougat and dried fruit confection.

I also took the dish up to Miss Usha's for Pumpkin to try it, but it would be my great disappointment that she declined. She stated that while her husband didn't object to her eating my food, he feared that their imam wouldn't understand and they were afraid of getting into trouble was the gist of her concern.

I joked that maybe my Halal food is God's test to judge Islamic faith, which didn't go over too well. It seemed there was a sort of split personality as Muslim people lived and excepted life one way, yet feared the condemnation from their religious leaders who seemed inclined to preach a doctrine which was different; I now felt sad for Pumpkin and many Muslims I talked with.



There was no doubt the hammer of doom was swinging over my marriage, but I accepted this wel. When it is time the marriage will end and Rita will be my wife no more. I was still resisting the idea of paying her what she wanted in order for her to leave the house and end the marriage.

After that, I figured my heart was dead and love would never find its place within my heart walls again, and I was completely reconciled with that notion. I judged my heart had a finite capacity for falling in love which had long since been exceeded. I also had no desire for love to enter my life again.

At work a new girl was working there and she was the step daughter of one of the bosses. I was told that she had applied for the FBI and would work with us in wrapping and shipping until she was accepted and left for the academy. Her name was Robin and she was twenty-four years old and fairly tall.

I did notice from time to time that she did this flirty thing of cocking her head and making a facial expression that was humorous to me; it reminded me of something a twelve year old girl would do, but otherwise I found her to be extremely shy.

It wasn't long after her start at the shop her step father and mother was going away on a vacation for a week. On a Monday, I was leaving work and said goodbye to Robin, then I caught her doing the flirty thing behind my back. Delighted, I found myself introducing myself to her and chatting with her to find out her story. It only added to things, to see just how shy she actually was.

Right away people noticed and Kevin, one of the owner's families grandsons immediately started yelling, "Hey, what are you doing? Employees aren't allowed to fraternize. Leave her alone!" Robin became extremely embarrassed and self-conscious, and I tried to continue to talk with her, but Kevin wouldn't shut up so I apologized to her and left.

I left pissed off, and normally when I left in that state the walk home would calm me down. Instead, I thought about the time much earlier when I met Marcy on my walks to work and though she said she was going with someone, would talk to me in what I perceived as considering changing her relationship for one with me.

She was working part time for a company I passed getting to and from work and I knew when she left which was at the time I would clock out to go home to eat lunch. One day, all the guys were outside and I hoped that she wouldn't see me, but as soon as I opened the door, she came running up to talk with me.

All of a sudden all the guys at the shop saw this started yelling, "Hey Mike what's this, you holding out on us... Getting a little pussy on the side? Are you two fucking yet!" Totally upset, Marcy ran away angry and I apologized later to her for the shops behavior.

She simply asked me, "Is what happened all right with you?"

While it wasn't, I was afraid that I would appear to her as being whimpy and simply said, "Yes." After that she refused to talk with me and ignored me, then stopped working with that business on Harford Road.

Now the same bullshit was happing again at work, not to mention also involving a coworker. I intended to pick a few things up at the Parkville Shopping Center and go home, but instead walked a few blocks to Dad's house, now my sister's and asked to use her phone. Cindy knew I was upset.

I called work, got Kevin on the line and polity as I could asked he not bother me if I am talking to Robin. I couldn't believe that he had a problem with this and started giving me shit.

I totally blew up at him, "Let me tell you something you God damned motherfucker! Robin is a good girl, but she's shy and I don't want assholes like you getting in my way. You motherfuckers already ruined one relationship I could have had happening for me and I'll be damned if I let you bastards ruin another!"

He immediately became combative, which stirred the coals of my angry fire up that much more and I lashed out, "Look, Robin's a fantastic woman and I like her, if you don't stop giving me your shit, I will beat the fuck out of you and any other asshole that wants to make my life miserable there!"

I was to the point I was going to be walking back to work to do just that, so I told him I hoped he understood my message and hung up the phone. Cindy was just shaking her head and advising me that it wasn't a good idea to let me use the phone.

The next day, all eyes seemed to be on me, but now with mouths opened; I knew shook a few shitters. Up in the unit of the four color press, I noticed Robin looking at me and giving me a million dollar smile, which made me like her that much more. Kevin was somewhat accommodating, but let it be known to me he wasn't happy with the call or my behavior.

That day, I clocked out and went over to talk with Robin and I found out that she was in the process of applying to the FBI, which she felt as positive since the interview process was continuing.

I'll be honest, with Robin, it was the first time the chemistry was there and I wanted love her. Yet to me her desire for the FBI was more important and I leveled with her about my situation at home, and with being stuck with a wife who wanted money to leave. The details would come out over the coming days. I wasn't inclined to cheat and knew that cheating would blow her job at the FBI.

Coming back to work that day, I had done a little flirty thing myself and put my time card with hers. The next morning, my time card and hers were now at opposite ends of the rack and she gave me a look and smiled. That smile of hers did wonders and really warmed my heart a great deal.

Upon leaving, I noticed that she was bending over picking up a box and her cleavage was a bit exposed. I figured as shy as she was, she'd jump up, but she didn't and I believed I was being evaluated for a response. I made her blush by commenting to her about her beauty and for whatever reason; I told the story about Jean and the boy which is told in the chapter, Knights and Angelic Beings.

It struck me that Robin had the same type of spirit that Jean had and being so rare, I talked a little about what Jean meant to me and added, "To me Jean is such a rare soul as you are the only other person who is similar to her." I continued with my rare stories and unlike the other women in my life, it was nice to see Robin appreciating them and getting out of them a laugh or two.



I had planned to go to a shrimp and crab feast with Dave and Ann, and decided to invite Robin as well. Mike was at the cutter, with Robin helping him box the job when I asked him if he and Dawn wanted to go, he declined citing that he had a Bull and Oyster roast that he would be attending,

That was actually the answer I was hoping for and immediately handed the flyer to Robin and asked her to join me. The look on Mike's face was priceless and it must have dawned on him that I had a little bull of my own along with the shrimp and crab roast proposal.

At the end of the morning shift, I said my usual goodbyes to Robin and walking out the door, it dawned on me that I did the stupidest thing imaginable; at the very instant, I looked down and found a fresh feather. I little further up the road and wondered if this was right because I was still married ... And found another feather.

Ironically at home, Rita told me that if I had an affair under the circumstances, she'd understand and I told her that none were planned. What I wasn't expecting was for her to be angry at me and insist I have one. "It isn't normal for you not to have an affair as we aren't having sex. Everybody does it, so you should too."

"Well, I have no plans to have an affair or sex for that matter." I couldn't believe this, and the timing, it just pissed Rita off that much more which provided me with much joy. "It's not like I am going to bars at night and driving my boyfriend around."

"Well I'm not having an affair either, and he isn't my boyfriend, just a friend."

"Well, if it's any consolation to you, there is only one person I would even entertain having an affair with, but you know my life and I just don't have that kind of luck."

"Who's that?"

"It wouldn't be about sex, but in truly giving the gift of love for the other. The person I would want to be with for the rest of my life till the end. The problem is we stand for something, which would get in the way of things, but I already gave my heart to her... At least for the time being."

I never expected that I would entertain thoughts like that anymore and for the couple hours sleep; dreamt I awoke to find myself back in the upstairs bedroom with Robin, who seemed to enjoy teasing me. The furniture was completely different, but very beautiful and with me lying down, she mounted me from above.

While that image was fixed and stark in my mind, I awoke from the sleep with the look on her face, etched into my mind. Well I now knew where my thoughts and sentiments lye, but to me it had a much greater spiritual meaning which had even more impact.

I once again found my time card at the exact opposite of hers, and in one of the spare moments, I looked at her and couldn't help but keep my eyes affixed on her for a minute. After a dream like that, I couldn't view her, the same way again. Yet I understood the reality and another facet of mine came on the phone and beat me over the head with an argument. Yes it was Rita and while I don't remember the argument, it was stupid. It only added to my frustration and with Robin watching, it broke me down.

At the end of the morning shift, I said my usual goodbyes and explained my situation a little further, but I didn't have much in the way of any further expectations with Robin because of the display earlier.

Upon arriving at work for the evening part of the shift, I did find her timecard above mine. I wondered if somehow it was a shop joke, but at the end of the shift I switched them. The next morning Robin stood in the doorway of the press room and had the most amused look on her face, just too seemingly say that I was caught.

I wondered about the shrimp and crab feast that I invited her to as well if she would decide to attend; I also wondered how it would go if she attended. All I wanted out of the deal was for her to enjoy a good meal and time, since there was entertainment maybe a dance or two. Other than that, my suspicion was we would be outside overlooking Towson and just talking to better understand the other's life.

I didn't see any way anything or other feelings could enter into the equation as we both had our limiting situations and seeming morality about things. I actually found this to be a limiting comfort, but all thoughts were a mute point because I asked and she told me that she had plans to go to Western Maryland for the weekend. It made sense because she got her degree from Frostburg College. I figured she still visited friends or even had a relationship.

I enjoyed the shrimp and crab feast, and since Dave and Ann knew of Robin, they asked me more questions about her. I was able to answer all of them to a tee, but actually got stumped on one of them. "How tall is she?"

My hand started to move up and down in relation to my eyes, and I now had a confused look on my face as I was completely stumped. Ann busted out laughing and humorously yelled, "Mike, you better be forewarned. Judging by your moving hand, you may have picked on a tall one. You know tall women have their tricks!"

I enjoyed the feast, did dance a bit, took my usual photographs, but what I enjoyed the most was sitting outside on the picnic table with beer and cigarette in hand and thinking about things. I did question my own motives in regards to Robin and simply decided what I like the most about her was the simple friendship that occurred.

It added so many pleasantries to my existence and muted any negative effect that Rita tried to provoke in me. In a sense, Robin became a symbolic shield which easily redirected any arrow of evil affecting me, and the fact that she seemed likely to be heading to the FBI only made it more humorous.

To me she had the looks and body that really rocked, but I liked much more the spirit that she was presenting to me. While I tried to indulge myself with fantasy's thought; my mind wouldn't entertain that notion, and the best I could gauge was the friendship we seemed to share a bit now; which was the most important aspect. I was resigned that any more serious of a relationship would be much further down the road ... If at all.

I thought about her job in the FBI, which might eventually put her back in Baltimore at the Federal Building, or possibly she could go much farther with going to the Maryland State Police and knowing how many young women are, many I knew eventually decided to locate once again to their hometown after a few years.

It was obvious to me that Robin added a lot of quality to my life, and I wondered if I had any contribution to make to hers. There was one area that I knew was an extreme conflict and it wasn't her height, but her age, she was twenty-four and I was 41.

I immediately thought about the movie, "Ecstasy," where Hedy Lamarr, who plays a young woman, newly married to a much older man, who is obsessed with order and not at all interested with romance. I didn't want to be, "that guy," and felt that I wouldn't as I still have a great love and activity for life; not yet physically restricted due to age.

I had the queerest of thought, if we get together I would actually be providing her with a more fatherly role, something not only she could appreciate, but I had the feeling it would be something to help her out for the future. All things considering if it was a need of hers, I would love to be there for her in that capacity. I also felt, any fatherly would diminish quickly as time went on and she fit herself into the relationship.

Last I asked myself, "Why is Robin so important to me?" Though small from a relationship standpoint, her tenderness and kind words were not only adding certain joy to me life, they were destroying the effects of the negative elements that I was living through, be it home life or work and also it made me happy to be alive!

In thinking of this, managing to use this through a variety of situations, and while getting the hard work done in evil conditions, I realized so many people can't find this element in their lives. While that particular thought and realization made me sad, I realized that I had a gift to give and decided though my amusing stories to write a biographical work.

Since Robin was keystone in this, I felt it only fair to include her in the introduction to this work as she was the inspiring force to this idea. With photography, I hated coming up with titles for works, but this one seemingly formed itself out of the air, "Just a Few Moments -Of Joy In one's life."

Once home, I immediately started typing and working on the book. First up was the introduction; where I stated my observations about joy and tragedy and also credited, "Robin, a person at work..." who provided me the courage and idea for the biographical work.

What was strange was late that night, I had a dream where I must of been at Robin's mother's house during a holiday celebration like Thanksgiving, had a drink and the sheer fatigue hit me. I remember being taken to a bedroom with a ceiling fan and floral bedspread and simply crashing out, in sheer comfort.

Typing like a mad man during the day, Sunday night I had another dream where I was like a fly on the wall looking at the back of myself sitting on a couch; very much elderly and Mr. Quinn-like. Robin walked up to me, much older herself and looking like a larger version of her mother. She smiled at me, put a blanket on me and simply smiled and said, "Thank you, Mike."

-I just knew that was the last day of my life on earth and if I had the simple pleasure of a woman caring for me like that, would have made it such an enjoyable life.



Yet, the next day at work, it was obvious her step-father's vacation was over and he was definitely angry at me. As the morning part of the shift ended, I clocked out and I walked by the door and said goodbye to Robin, but she whispered, "Goodbye, Mike." Alarmed at this, I asked her if anything is wrong and she just looked at the wall but whispered, "No, Mike."

Now during the next day, Robin seemed to ignore me completely and I clocked out, walked past Robin and said my goodbyes. The Boss-man immediately said from behind, "Go home, Mike!" My guess was, while on vacation, or just after he was informed by one of his brother bosses that he has a problem, "Mike and Robin like each other;" most likely also getting made fun of as well.

Home became simpler as I checked up on Jimmy and then immediately went upstairs and started typing like a madman. When finished for that part of the day, I would have two beers and get an hour in a half sleep, go to work, run home and type, then two beers and an hour in a half sleep.

The Boss-man's attitude left me with a dilemma as I wanted to share this work with Robin, because she was the inspirational force behind it. During the time she was due to come to work, I took the folder of the first section and did outside chores, and saw her riding by. I was amazed that her head totally took up the driver's side window.

She pulled in to the adjacent parking lot and I jumped the wall and greeted her. I found it amusing that she would only crack the windshield. I explained what I am working for, told her that I want her to read it and let me know what she thinks, as well that she should be braced for a surprise in the introduction.

"Robin, I mean what I say in there and don't want you to think it is some sort of a come on. No matters what happens, it will remain in the book anyway." She had the expression of both amusement and trepidation, but promised to read it. She opened the door, took the first installment of the work and threw it on passenger side of the seat.

The first part of the work, was the building of the school side of the relationship for Jean and myself, most of it from my flight bars of memories I typed up and lost due to the fact it was all stored on floppy disks where were no longer used with computers.

I was happy to find our time cards once again together, but the Boss-man was still on my butt. I couldn't figure out why her head was as large as her car window, but between Ann's comment and that fact, I had to try to figure things out.

But every time I walked up to her or past, she wilted to an inch to six inches below eye level. The Boss-man was late in coming to work and I carefully snuck up on her and looked up. I could only think, "Holy shit she is a tall one!" But I liked it and it didn't make her any less beautiful, just more huggable.

I couldn't resist, "Hi Robin!"

She jumped and squealed, "Hi Mike," as she shrunk before my eyes.

I couldn't help it, I shrunk as well and she grimaced and shrunk further; so I shrunk again. This time she had an angry expression on her face as she became even shorter, and still continued to talk with me. The atom bomb nature of me couldn't resist and I slid across the wrapping table and kept talking to her.

She jumped, totally freaked out and started to look around. Lying on her wrapping table with my head rested upon my hand, I said, "You know Robin, it dawned on me that you may be a bit taller than me, but I like it as it just make you more beautiful." With that I got up and walked out.

I was informed she read what I gave her and really liked the beginning of my work, but she also gave me the news that she had been accepted into the FBI. While this was sad for me, I was happy for her and expressed such.

That created another dilemma and I really wanted to finish it so that she could read it in its entirety. Now I was typing non-stop, getting no sleep in the afternoon and only an hour at night. Rita spied this and wanted to know what I am doing,

I was totally frustrated with Rita still living there on my dime and going out, and for her not keeping her promise of simply leaving with the car should she want to leave the relationship. With Robin in the picture it only added to my resentment of this, not to mention the added stress of the typing priority of getting the book out for Robin to look at.

I always checked in and said, "Hi," to Jimmy; but it was right upstairs and typing. The only other words spoken by me were, "Leave me alone," or, "Get out!" I was a madman with a cause and hoping to save face in this now shortened endeavor timeline!

The only amusement was watching the Boss-man look at the time cards. Then I would notice a time card separation, but within the day, we were back together in the rack. I took this sort of as a symbolic comfort of support, and a great humor supplement.

On the walks home, I had my doubts about Robin and the book; but with each negative thought, I seemed to find a feather. Adding the extra writing to my life was only adding to my frustrations and fatigue and I wondered if it would be better for me to stop the work and apologize to Robin for my failure. Yep, found another feather so I went home and started typing furiously again.

By Monday, I gave Robin another section and expressed my apprehension as this was the best I could have done, but also indicated I wasn't happy with at the point I had to end it at. This section was stopped at ninth grade and my drug use and I really was hoping to take in to my senior year, to show her just how much further I came and learned from that point in my life.

I also asked her if she is in a relationship, but she refused to answer the question one way or another so I expressed my dismay as not knowing made it difficult for me gauge how to treat the friendship and present my material.

It did dawn on me that she enjoyed things being this way and watching me squirm a bit. Last, I asked her to let me know when her last day will be at Advance, as I wanted to give her my best wishes of success and luck; also to thank her for being in my life, even if for such a brief period. She didn't say anything about that either.

I was very unhappy were I left my biography off at so as I left work, I tried to further caution Robin and explain where the story was going next, but the Boss-man ran over and started stomping his feet, and saying, "Babble, babble, babble, babble.." I tried to continue to explain, but his anger was showing though and he just went, "Babble, babble, babble," that much louder so I apologized to Robin for disturbing her.

While I had the worst feeling in the world how Robin would perceive those chapters in my life, I had to persevere in this writing endeavor, despite the fact I was pessimistic about the end results. In terms of the Boss-man, it was like an evil descended over him, as much as his hatred coved me.

After such a poor and disrespectful display by the Boss Man, I tried to talk to him in confidence and explain myself, but he would have none of that. He plainly stated, there is no reason to talk, because this shouldn't be happening because he feels it shouldn't be. Despite this, I stated my intentions were simply friendship. It only made matters worse and now it seemed to me, he was finding excuses to bully as well.

My coworkers picked up on this too and a couple advised me to back off. "Back off, how can I back off when I only say, 'Hi,' and 'Bye.' The only thing that would make him happy is if I treat Robin like shit and say I hate her. I care for her and I am not going to do that for his enjoyment.

Steve, Rita's brother-in-law knew my relationship with Rita was coming to an end and he only voiced two concerns; that I am not angry with him for setting me up with Rita in the first place or blame him for the horrible relationship. He noticed my feelings for Robin and only had the best wishes and hopes somehow something will develop and I will have a woman that cared for me.

Still I think things were mentioned through the coffee filter of his wife and Rita's sister Kathie, as Rita then asked me, "Who's this Robin at work?"

I explained to her that she is the Boss-man's step-daughter who is there to mind her time until she enters into the FBI as a special agent. I couldn't resist the barb, "Yea, they accepted her!"

Rita asked me if I was in love with her, and I had a field day, "No Rita, she's leaving but I do think the world of her." While I locked up my thumb drive and printouts, she saw the dedication in the Introduction and inquired about that as well. I saw no reason to be dishonest.

Rita then asked me if I wanted to make love to her and I said, "If it was all possible, I would because she deserves that from me and I now she would give as much love back. Hell, if she wanted me too, I would kick you out of the upstairs to Katie's room and move her in."

"For all I care, you could take photographs of us and get a divorce on adultery charges ... But you wouldn't do that because you're still holding out for the money. But relax, there isn't going to be an affair because she has principles." Rita made the fatal mistake of giving me an Armadillo's armor when it came to these confrontations; she hated the fact that I now found humor with stupid arguments.

I also told Rita that her calling an affair with me would be like the pot calling the kettle black and would jeopardize the divorce because I would make the case it was a matter of mutual agreement and she'd be stuck living with me or leaving on her own without her pound of my financial flesh.

She expressed her opinion that I should have written this book while we still had a relationship. I told her she would never give me the time to think, much less write anything. Rita really didn't deal with me too much in those final days of the relationship; and to be honest, I was happier when she was indulging in her new found life.

The only person that I talked to about Robin was my friend Dave, if anything I could count on his opinion and honesty; about the only important thing in my life. His father was a Baltimore City police officer and luckily transferred that cop's sense to Dave. He too knew my relationship with Rita was over.

With Dave I at least had a good head to bounce my thoughts off of and he felt that perhaps Robin didn't tell me about any relationship because she was unsure of one that she was in, or with the becoming part of the FBI wasn't at a personal liberty to discuss anything. If I put her too high on a pedestal, he reminded me the FBI is very particular who they hire and why; also that some of those qualities may be a negative for a relationship but beneficial for a special agent.

At work, with one spare moment without the Boss-man distraction, I joked about her carrying a gun and was informed. "No Mike, I am a special agent ... I don't carry a gun, it's more like an office job." But Dave was again there to remind me about the training at Quantico and that a special agent can become an agent at any time. He mentioned Silence of the Lambs.

Robin was gone from time to time, be it for a day, or a few days to attend something such as an orientation meeting; I knew her preparation was well underway. While the Boss-man had his way with me, I was more worried how his other three brothers were thinking about things but they didn't seem to think any less of me.

One night at work, I had the thought of Robin and felt she the kitchen talking to her mother and showing her part of the work, and her mother saying, "Well it's obvious that he isn't right." It didn't help my fears that I stopped the work at the wrong time and had given it to her to make the wrong lasting impression of me.

The next day at work, she handed me back the envelope of work and said, "It's good, Mike." Yet her voice and facial expression said the opposite as all I saw was concern. By the next day or so, I had completed the next section and added the conclusion and handed it to her. She only said, "I'll try to read it, Mike but things are happening fast."

I do remember an off handed comment from the Boss-man, but his laughing struck me as out of place when he lightheartedly mentioned, "Well, I guess whatever is going on is Super Secret." I think it was just his way to let me know that knew I was handing off my work to Robin, but what a curious statement. He seemed to get nicer to me, but it alerted me that Robin's end at work was at hand.

My life consisted either of work, typing, or running back or forth to work and I had just completed the next installment to my work. I figured we would be losing Robin before the book could be completed so I stopped it at a suitable point, but added in the concluding portion.

I still continued with my writing, but I was totally frazzled. I looked at what Robin returned and found it atrocious, riddled with spelling errors and run on sentences as long as paragraphs, not to mention dyslexic errors. I hated the phrase, "It's good, Mike," as it didn't tell me anything. What I actually wanted was a critique, one that indicated at least she could see the direction; after all she had a college degree.

I had the sense that time was at hand and though still typing my heart and life out, I could no longer stay up at night so I added another hour of sleep, plus a half an hour for some music and a couple of beers. My song selection wasn't good as just about every song reminded me of the fact that Robin will be leaving soon. The beers opened me up enough to produce emotions over the looming sense of losing Robin at work and in my life



Katie finally came home for a visit, and was actually eager to greet me. I found out more about Job Corp which seemed to improve her disposition greatly. I heard the words that made the hell of Katie had created at home worth it, "Dad, they say the same things you do."

I told her, "Good, maybe you will know and understand how important they are and realize that I really cared about you and wanted to steer you in the right direction."

I learned that she had started to get her food certification, but that they had her stop because she was doing gangbusters toward getting her diploma. She said that the computer tested her and found out what requirements that she needed to earn her diploma.

This struck me as bullshit, as it reminded me of my elementary school days with remedial programs. While I played games and answered questions, I not only didn't learn how to do things, I was taken out of classes and fell even further behind. About the dumbest in my elementary school life, was I had to take speech therapy because I had my teeth knocked out, even though it was only my first set.

Katie spotted my reaction and said, "No, Dad. I am really learning things, let's go upstairs so I can log on and show you." Surprised at this change in her, I went upstairs with her, logged on and she explained the whole system of learning.

The computer tests her, and determines what she needs to master for her high school diploma and sends her to that module. Katie was happy because it allowed her to learn at her own pace and review subjects again should she need that to help her. I found ourselves in the trigonometry section and pointed to an equation and asked Katie, "What the hell do they use that one for?"

"That's an easy one, Dad!" I was totally shocked that a girl who couldn't comprehend even the simplest of algebra would ever be able to do, much less explain a complex computational formula. I asked her how she suddenly became successful with math and she told me they had her do physics first and now she can see what the equations are used for.

I believed I started shaking Katie, and demanding to know the possessing entity, "Ok, tell me why you hijacked Katie's body, what have you done with the Katie I knew?" I told her that she earned my respect and I am proud of her.

Later at night, I was shocked that she visited a couple of her friends and came home even earlier then she stated, this lead to Katie asking me, "Where's mom?"

"Katie, you've been away for too long, I don't know where your mother is because she isn't telling me. Katie, she's now doing what you did and running away. She told me she ended the relationship and is just hanging around until she gets the money she wants." I could see the shock and realization in Katie's eyes.

Late at night, the fact that Robin will be leaving soon was hitting me very hard and with the music and beer, there also came tears. Katie one night walked up to me, but while she was concerned, she didn't have the words to enquire.

I felt that I owed everyone the truth, yet wanted to keep people out of my personal business. "Katie, you know the marriage with your mother will be ending, but my crying isn't over that. I will be losing a person at work that I care for very much." I told Katie everything is OK and I want to be alone, and also accused her of being taken over by aliens for coming home on time.

Rita also caught me in such a state, but had a different take on the observation, "I'm glad to see you like this, Mike. I hope you will be like this after I am gone when you think about what you lost."

As she walked away, I yelled, "Believe me, I will!" Not letting on that I was crying actually Robin and not Rita. Rita had emptied the sense of love and friendship such a long time ago, her leaving was only a formality of peace with me. She got enough of my tears trying to work out the relationship with her.

But Katie and Jimmy wouldn't be home every night, they just told me they were out with Mom; no specifics, but I sensed guilt from them over it all. I had my suspicions, and it was Rita who confirmed it as they spent the night over Mark's house because he wanted to take everybody fishing the next morning.

It did strike me Rita was preparing them for the new man in their lives, which at this point in time I didn't care about. Jimmy came to me first, but inquired in a reverse fashion to see what I actually knew about things. His reply was, "Dad, this isn't right, you got to do something about Mom."

I was amazed at such a poignant observation from him, "Ok, Jimmy. I agree with you, but what should I do?"

"Dad, you have to divorce Mom."

"Jimmy that's in the works and will happen, but your Mom wants everything I have and I can't allow that. But shortly, there will be a divorce."

At least this told me that Jimmy understood what was going on, it couldn't continue and he was reconciled in his mind a divorce will be occurring. He was very practical and straight forward in expressing that whatever happens, he will still consider me his Dad and hoped the divorce didn't interfere with our relationship.

Work was pretty much the same old thing and I was still hoping and praying that Robin would be able to read the last section I provided her with. I had something to do at the wrapping table and suddenly had the urge to look straight up and found Robin's face looking down at me with a smile ... And about eight inches of space in between. 

I thought, Holy shit, you are a tall one! But I wouldn't be doing that if I were you." I could barely resist my inclination of pulling her lips to mine. I wondered how she'd handle it and what the Boss-man's reaction would be. I was hoping her display wasn't some way to try to tell me things wouldn't work out because of the height difference. Height arguments don't hold water with me, and I hated to see tall women poo poo a good relationship because it wouldn't look right. To me Robin's height was fine, and since when did I care what anyone else thought.

The next day, I was getting ready to leave and she handed back my envelope and said, "Mike, I'm sorry but with having to prepare for the FBI I couldn't read it."

"Not even the last section so you could know what is going on?"

"No, Mike."

I was instantly angry and blew up, but though I externalized my anger, it was actually pointed in at me for attempting such an endeavor in the first place. I honestly felt the fool and wondered if my feelings for Robin were the real reason I attempted this in the first place. I felt betrayed, but by myself. I snatched the envelope and said, "That's just great! Now I feel like an asshole."

Robin gave me one of those looks that indicated to me, Well, if the shoe fits. Walking home, I didn't fault her because she did have to prepare to go into the FBI, and figured that I would see her the next day to patch things up. Instead I went to clock-in in the afternoon and found our time cards separated, and my heart sunk.

The next day, she wasn't there but I was just hoping it was for another meeting or something like that, because I wanted to apologize and wish her the best. She wasn't there the day after that either and I inquired whether or not she left for good and no one knew. By this time, I was in a state of fatigued shock and fearful I had seen saw the last of Robin.

It was now Friday and it was very late and dark when I left from work to go home. While Robin drove a white Dodge car, the Boss Man owned several including a dark blue Sport Utility Vehicle. During a walk home, a dark one drove by and looking at me was a face that filled the whole window. Because of the low light, there was no way to say it was Robin for sure, but it gave me the twinge of, Oh God, Robin's not coming back and that was her way to tell me.

Monday, I saw that there was no time card for Robin in the slot and pretty much figured that she left, the other workers didn't know, so I asked the Boss-man and he said that she left for the FBI. I didn't know just how powerful my feelings for Robin were and her leaving hit me as hard as Jean's death, but this time there wasn't even a dead body to say goodbye to.