Work was another grating situation, and my job was now a thankless one. What I had all night to do was being crammed into four hours and this led to numerous confrontations. While at night I had the entire evening to wash up all of the presses, and to prepare for the next day was now crammed into that four hour space and meant a lot more physical work without a break.

In the mornings, I had to accommodate helping Vic, cutting paper as well finding and mixing a long list of inks. On top of it, I wasn't just Vic's press assistant anymore more; I seemed to be treated like I was everybody's. I was now having two, three, even four pressmen wanting me to help them all at once. Needless to say I couldn't achieve this end and one of them always either had something to say, or whose behavior made my life hell. Then, Mike always wanted something or thought I should have done something different. My employment there would basically become thankless and personally unrewarding.

I even asked, how about a compliment once in a while, and Mike replied, "You're paid to work here, and do a good job, you don't deserve compliments in doing your job." I was shocked and disappointed and wandered why we were so celebrated on nightshift.

Though I came up with the brainstorm of working this split shift, I was told it was going to benefit me, aka getting a raise. But that didn't appear to be coming and in that course of time had numerous conversations with both outside managers and accountants. I gave them a full description and asked what I should be paid and the general consensus was four to six dollars an hour more.

This too shocked me and I asked what they based their decision on, and they said it was the fact that even though the skills are simple, I am able to do a wide variety more than the average worker. Also, I appeared to be the right hand man and always there when I am needed. Machinery repair was another facet.

The last point was, I was sacrificing my personal life in working there and I should also be compensated for that fact as well. My problem was, those managers themselves either didn't have a use for me, or wouldn't just start me out in a position like that or what I was currently being paid.

I remind Mike what he said, and he told me that he didn't mean it would get me a raise, but that it would free my evening hours up and he stated that my financial compensation was that I wasn't losing my night shift differential. He didn't care that I was now making less than before and after that, overtime considerations were a problem and I could be worked like a dog on one part of the shift and told to go home early on the other.

At least half of my weekend was ruined out of shear fatigue, or I got a migraine and was lucky with all the goings on at home to get any rest at all. Angry I replied, "Mike, I know what I heard and what you meant. I guess you figure that you don't need to do what you said because I am working here like you want and you know that I am stuck."

"I'll tell you what, that's fine, but if I find something better for me, I will take it and it won't be like with Vic because you won't buy me back with what I would want to be paid."

To Dennis it was easier, he laughed and said, "Printing isn't like it used to be, there's no money in the shop to pay you what you think you should be paid." While this was a blow to my morale, I still gave them best work that I could. It was because I had to look at myself first, and most likely my German roots and upbringing.



Rita had had enough with Katie, so they both were arguing like cats and dogs. While I was amused with Katie losing traction with control over Rita, Katie was pissed! One day this came to a head, and Katie broke down. Yet I still sensed a desire for her to regain control.

Katie yelled out, "Fuck you all, I'm committing suicide!" She ran into the bathroom, slammed and locked the door. She then touted, "I found a blade and I'm cutting my wrists. I'm bleeding!"

Personally I didn't believe it, as there really weren't any blades in the bathroom that could produce the cuts she needed and this was too much a spontaneous event. The other indication to me was the pleasure she was expressing in her voice, that to her was nothing more than a sick game.

The Theme from MASH was playing through my mind because I was stuck on the other side of that door with a mother who was totally freaking out and screaming her head off, cussing me out as well. Whether this was a real attempt or a twisted game, it was serious and I wanted to get that door open before she figured out a way to commit suicide for real.

The door had a bathroom lock on it, but it was from the thirties and had a key that didn't have a saftey pop, but a safety key that was long gone. It took me about thirty seconds to find items and McGuiver a key to open that door.

I opened it and attempted to barge in, but Katie pushed me out and relocked the door, this time her hand was on the turn key, and my attempt to open it again produced a loud snap. Katie exclaimed, "What the hell ... Dad you fucking son of a bitch, you locked me in."

Katie was now banging on the door, and crying, "Mom, Dad locked me in!"

I yelled back, "No Katie, you had your hand on the lock and it broke." Katie was banging, crying, cussing and freaking out, which was the same thing Rita was doing from my side of the door.

I went outside to the bathroom window and told Katie to open it. It drove me nuts, because Katie was not only loving every minute of this, she started to try to barter with me.

I had enough and plainly stated, "Katie, you have to open that window to let me in to kick the door out. You don't understand, you threatened to commit suicide and said you cut your wrists. You have twenty seconds to open that window or I am getting an ax and hacking my way though that door. If you think I am pissed now, just wait until I have to destroy that door and think, when I come through, I will have an ax in my hand!"

The window immediately opened and I did a tactical jump to reach the eight foot height of the window. Once inside, I kicked out the door. Katie and Rita having a huggy reunion, I let her have it. "I'm telling you this right now, they say people threaten suicide for help, well you threatened it for attention, and the next time you pull shit like this, I will have you committed and it won't be like the observation vacations you had before, but an extended commitment!"

"There you will get all the drugs in the world, just not the one's you want!" Rita insisted I replace the lock and the door, but I refused and she brought up privacy concerns for her and Katie. I said they both got what they asked for.



While Katie stopped threatening me, she did tell me there were plans for Jordan's drug dealer friend to take me out. One time Jordan was there and I simply made a statement over what was said and she told me to shut my mouth or she'd stick me. With that she showed me her penknife.

I laughed and said, "You know what, you only think you're going to stick me, but you're not because I won't let you. You will find yourself in a knife fight; you don't know the first thing about that, such as it is more boxing than anything else."

I walked to the butcher block and pulled out the fourteen inch chef's knife, "Now this is Katie's preferred weapon, ask her how well it worked for her. But I wouldn't have to go for a knife to use on you, I will use yours and most likely I wouldn't, 'stick' you, I will use the cuts opposite of what they use for plastic surgery so they wouldn't be able to fix your face. Look at it this way, you won't have to make yourself look as ugly as you try ... You will be ugly."

I made it known that was the last time Jordan will be in my house. The only time I had seen her there before was when Rita got a call and was told that Jordan and her friends were bringing Katie home because she drank so much they are afraid to keep her around. As mad as I was, I had to keep my cool to get them to the house as they were lost.

I was planning to fireman carry Katie inside, but the car was crammed with these tough girls who lifted Katie in mass and carried her on her shoulders. Katie was completely passed out, but was sleeping in a chair and to my astonishment was completely fine the next day.

That type of problem had a simple solution, "Katie, if you are ever brought home like that again, I am calling 911 and tell the paramedics that I didn't know what you took. It would be a joy for me and a horrible curse to you to have tubes rammed down your nose to pump your stomach out." I wanted to put that bug in her mind so she would never let herself get in that condition.

My biggest fear was coming in reference to her friend Christina, who was making it her life's enjoyment to threaten mine and even after relaying at least thirty of them, the police were totally uninterested and telling me that I have to be the man and set the example. Another common comment was, "There's no evidence that's she's threatening you so we have to wait until some comes up to investigate the threats."

Christina seemed to be enjoying this facet and the threats only became bolder and in my opinion, she was so pathological she was going to carry one out eventually. In fact I wondered if I should become proactive and get her before she gets me; came close too, as I also saw it as prime way to send the message not to threaten people.

The most insidious way I could have went about it was to put my night scope on a blow gun, along with a laser pointer with an infra red filter on it. I did have a sense of where they congregated and in the middle of the dark, one or two darts would penetrate her abdomen.

I actually felt that being laid up with peritonitis for a few weeks would be justice as it gave her plenty of agonizing time to ponder her life. A contaminated dart would fully penetrate that area and even create holes that may be initially missed when running her bowl.

Also walking to work in the morning, ironically though the calmest area, I was having these imaginations of either her trying to ambush or stab me or shots coming from a car. While having these thoughts was disturbing to me, I sort of took it as a sign to be prepared and I did realize that area presented the best chance for something to happen and them to get away with it.

In fact, one of Christina's taunts was, I know when and how you get to work and can kill you then. I decided to add several more routes to work and definitely kept an eye out for things like car windows down, and movement and any shapes that shouldn't be in the shadows. Luckily I had all those skills learned from doing nature photography as well as the books on clandestine operations and various self defenses, which was the only available reference to learn from.

--Then there was a new twist to things, "Well, Mike all I have to do to get you killed is fuck the right person ... And I'm meeting them too." I thought, Just like you knew the people to set Katie up for rape so you could get high! Still, only my belief.

Finally over Labor Day, Rita wanted me to come with her and Jimmy to Lori and Bob's house so I could spend it with Jimmy. I knew that would be about the last time we got together and wanted to spend time with Lori and Bob as well. It was an outdoor grill affair and there was plenty of beer and alcohol and quite enjoyable.

The drinking I did put me in a great mood, yet I had to watch it as I was playing and entertaining the kids with my versions of Circque de Soliel acts. This was the first time in a very long while that I enjoyed life and I was loving it!

Until I got home and checked the caller ID and Verizon voice mail and it had a message from Christina on it. First she gleefully mocked the fact that she got Katie to run away again and once again said she is working on fucking the person who will kill me. I happily called 911 to have an officer come over as that was the very proof they required.

This time, it was not only a uniformed officer, but a plainclothes as well and I told the officer that I had proof and invited them both in to investigate it. The officer said he is the only one coming into the house.

Once in the kitchen I immediately grabbed the phone and explained the threat and he replied, "Sorry, I can't do an investigation because the phone isn't considered a credible witness."

"What?"

"The phone is legally considered a third party and an unreliable source so in our eyes, the death threat doesn't exist and can't be proven."

"Oh come on! I have Caller ID and this is Verizon Voice mail, both are time and date stamped by them."

"I'm telling you I am not going to do anything about this."

"Fine, I'll call your supervisor and have him come out and do your job for you."

"You're drunk!"

"What?"

"You know what sir, when I walked in here, I smelled beer on your breath. If you say another word to me, I will arrest you for a drunk and disorderly and we'll see who the supervisor stands behind."

"I'm drunk, I told you I just came from a Labor Day celebration, but I watched what I drank because I was running around playing with the kids. Can a drunk and disorderly person do this?"

I leaned all the way back, and stretched my arms completely out and while spinning, touched my nose with one finger, then the other in alternating fashion. He said, "Well, maybe you can pass the tests, but what you did tells me you have the behavior of a drunken person."

Once outside, Rita enquired and the officer said, "I can find no credible evidence of a death threat and your husband is luckily I didn't arrest him."

Rita's observation was that I wasn't drunk, but the officer noted that she had alcohol on her breath also and while just as pissed as me, didn't make a mockery out of his statements. The guy in the street cloths just listened to the blustering officer. It turned out that he was a ride along and friend to show off to. Rita said that I should have taken a shower and waited, then called them.

"Rita, don't you get it, the police don't want to do their job. If I called later, they would find something else to threaten me with arrest. They don't care, in fact they would be happier to run across my body."



A new day, with new problems and frustration, Katie ran away again and this time Rita was pissed because she had to leave the bar and deal with things. This time, she almost got hold of Katie when Rita's choice of a mature boyfriend drove her off. Rita came home for me to deal with him, and I didn't hesitate to display my humor at Rita's approval of him.

I told Rita point blank, if I deal with it, I don't want any arguing or crap about how or what the results are. I called Katie's 2(3) year old boyfriend up, and said, "Where's Katie?"

"Katie ran away from me too."

"Bullshit! Rita saw you driving away with Katie. Bring her back!"

"She's making me do it! I'm still trying to keep the relationship going."

"I find it funny as hell that a (22 or 23) year old man can be led around like he has a ring in his nose. Don't you even have the common sense about right and wrong?"

"I was afraid of her having someone else have her run away."

"Then you should have let her go and help Rita and me to find her. You know what, you're a fucking liar to me, and I tell you this, you still want to be a professional firefighter? You got one hour to bring her home, because I found out you took her across state lines. That's not a local offense that no one will do anything about; I will go to the FBI and report you on federal kidnapping. Hey, she had a runaway report and you know the feds will deal with things."

"You got one hour and if you need more help in deciding, I will come after you and you will discover that a boxing license won't save your fucking life for you." Job done, I was off to go to bed and was surprised to find Katie walking though the front door a half hour later.

She looked at me and said, "Jesus dad!" Then she told Rita that whatever I said scared the hell out of her boyfriend and which scared Katie as he was doing a 100 miles an hour around the beltway to get her home. She wasn't happy as that also ended the relationship.

But I think that was on a Sunday night and by Tuesday, Rita came to work to get me as Katie was once again on Maple Leaf court. Another reason that Rita was upset was I believe that she was threatened and they were saying how fucked up they were going to get Katie.

I grabbed my night vision scope and we headed out, this was my first time there so I asked Rita to drive down the street slowly so I could get a layout and idea of where we should be parked at. I found the perfect area and told Rita to pull into the apartment lot on the opposite side of the street behind the light.

All of a sudden, Rita sped up and drove past it, "Rita what the hell are you doing?"

"Where you wanted to go was too far away, and we would be in the light. You don't know what the hell you are doing, I do!"

"Rita I have a night vision scope with a telephoto lens and we would be behind the light. Because of being behind it, they wouldn't be able to see us." She pulled a U-turn and parked right behind a black person in a blue Mercedes and we were on the side of the apartment building with no clear view of their front door. Great!

The black man inside the Mercedes was talking on his cell phone and it was obvious, to the people inside the house. He was there like Mr. Cool and since his face was in view because of his rear view mirror, Rita didn't like the fact he was making fun of us or what was said about her. I didn't like it either and pointed my night scope in his direction.

Suddenly his rear view mirror went black and then lighted up to that cartoonish stereotypical image of bugged eyes and chattering teeth, now he was screaming into his phone. Suddenly he closed his phone and turned around and I got the distinct impression his hand was now on a gun. In quick thinking I spun my scope around to his view so he saw the green glow of night vision.

He completely panicked and tore out of there so fast, he almost hit us backing up to pull away! I told Rita to get back out front, but again she didn't listen and parked directly across the street, in the light and in plain view of another neighbor who was sitting in his window, on his phone and talking to the people inside; I pretty much considered him a spotter for them. I was interrupted by Rita saying a naked woman is walking about. I said, "No way Rita," but when I put the night scope on her she was not only naked, but dragging a queen sized mattress in front of the courtyard, where she threw it out in the middle.

"Well, I guess her man isn't going to be coming home tonight," and here it was I thought the cop TV shows and movies made this stuff up. The guy from Maple Leaf court drove up in a car, and when he got out, he waved at us and started laughing. He must have just gotten back from dropping Katie and Christina off to their next destination. I told Rita, because she can't listen to me, I will never again go on one of these adventures.



A few days later, it would be a frantic Rita telling me I have to navigate her to a specific location in Carney because the police are holding Katie and her friends to be picked up. I got her there and saw the police cars with their lights, four police officers and about six or seven kids sitting on the curb.

When I enquired, it turned out that my chubby little blond bitch was the officer in charge. I asked her, "What happened?"

"You ask them."

"Ok Guys, what happened, why are you being held?"

"We had a bottle."

"Bullshit! When I was young and the police caught me with a bottle, I answered the officer's questions honestly and respectfully; promised to be responsible and he not only let me keep my bottle, he told me to enjoy myself." There were now four police officers with open mouths of astonishment.

"Now tell me what happened."

My chubby little blond bitch spoke up, "Well Mr. Kohman they were headed for the woods and that property owner over there said he didn't want them back there, so they threatened to set his house on fire."

I looked at the group and said, "Well that's about the dumbest thing you could have did."

Jordan looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well you aren't going to be a problem for much longer; I'm going to kill you."

I took a step towards her and yelled, "Say it again and I will consider you immediately capable and drop you right where you stand!"

Jordon's fourteen year old sister stood up and yelled at me, "Fuck you, fuck you, you can't do anything, she's a juvenile!"

What happened next shocked the shit out of me. My chubby little blond bitch said, "I am tired of this and you are going to sit down and shut your mouth right now!" As if on cue, all four of the police officers turned their backs to the kids and my chubby little blond bitch added:

"Mr. Kohlman's right, as far as we know you yelled that you were going to kill him and all we know is he must of thought you had a weapon. I'm tired of playing around with you, that's not the way life should be."

I went right down the line, "Who are you?" Partway down, this skinny emaciated teenager told me his name and I said, "Jesus Christ! You're the bad ass drug dealer ... My forearm is twice as big as you neck. Might I suggest before you go threatening me again that you take steroids and work out for a few years. The way you look, you drug dealing career is going to be short lived anyway."

The police took Katie to one of the cars and started processing her and Rita was horrified as she was told that they will be charging Katie with everything they can. My chubby little blond bitch told me she got a kick out of me handling things and that I said and did things that they couldn't. It made me feel good and hopefully I got the message across to them.

In the car on the way home, I let it be known that since Katie has had so much fun making my life hell for me, if she pisses me off, I will make her life a living hell at home and she will decide to run away permanently. In fact, making Katie's life at hell was easy as all I had to do was talk to her.

It was only a couple of days before she lost it and stated shaking her breasts at me yelling, "Do you want some of this you mother fucker. Huh, want some of this? Huh, motherfucker."

I so badly wanted to hillbilly it and say, "Sure, pull those puppies out!" I knew with a stomp of my foot and a lunge, she would run into her room and out the window in such a state of horror, but most likely there would be hell to pay when they bring her back.

Instead I just said, "Well Katie, maybe you're all that and maybe you're not, but that's the one thing you don't need from me. My best revenge is when you have to admit that you respect me."

Jimmy was so quiet he never seemed to be around so I always had to go looking for him. For the most part, I always found him on the couch, stoically playing video games. I took Dave's advice and let him play them without comment or interference.



He was at his friend's house when I got a call from Rita, "Mike, I'm at the Emerald and Katie ran away again. I am tired of having my evenings ruined so I called the police and they are on their way to the house so you can deal with this.

Showing up this time was an officer I hadn't dealt with for a while, "Officer That Guy." He pretty much had the report thing down pat, and I updated him on the situation and the fact that I was still receiving death threats right and left; especially from Christina.

At that very instant the phone rang and it was Christina and I looked at the officer and said, "Well speak of the devil, here she is."

The officer took the phone from my hand and said, "Look Christina, this is 'Officer That Guy.' Do you know where Katie is?"

Her response went along the lines of, "Fuck you, fuck you, that isn't any of your business. You tell that motherfucker that I am finding the right person to have sex with who will kill him."

The officer's facial expression was priceless. "Christina! I am a police officer and I can arrest you over this!"

"Fuck you, fuck you, I'm a juvenile and you can't do a God damn thing to me and if you try, I will make you life a living hell and even tell people you tried to rape me!"

He turned off the phone and handed back to me saying, "Damn, you do have a hell of a problem."

"You're going to do what you said and arrest her." 

"No she's right, I can't." I thought, You stupid motherfucker, here it is you threw you weight around and you didn't do anything, what a message to send them. You cops aren't going to be happy until they put me in a coffin.

He continued, "Mr. Kohlman, I just can't believe this. It's like you the nicest person in the world and pure evil has descended on you for that. I think you found yourself in a middle of a Jihad that everybody declared on you. That's right, a Jihad."

Then he started laughing and said, "So, does the house of Jihad eat at the House of Kabob down the street." His attempt at levity didn't sit well with my humor bone, so I showed him to the door before I tried to slap him silly.

As soon as the door closed was when I made the decision to take out the next person that would threaten my life or house. Period! I would go after them to make a point.

Where Katie ran away to was an unknown, but I knew the people that Rita was getting on, a couple of days later I got a call from the drug dealer on Maple Leaf Court. As soon as I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, "You get your bitch wife off of my case or I'll burn you out!"

That put a few seconds of sheer terror in my life, but it pissed me off that much more. "Oh yea, I wish you the best of luck and hope you take me with it, because I tell you what, if you fail it will only take thirty pounds of ammonium nitrate to level yours and being on the end presents advantages for me."

He started laughing and said, "Well the detonators that are hard to come by." I freaked thinking, Shit, he knows what I am talking about! This was a very uncomfortable feeling for me.

"Well GenStar (quarry) is up the street, but he's how you make one!" I proceeded to give the instructions including the chemicals, method of construction as well, an easy way to initiate the reaction. During this he started to fuck, fuck, fuck like a chicken clucks which struck me as very interesting.

It seems that I took out his brazenness, but he now had to save face so he said, "Well, you pissed of some very bad people."

I started laughing and said, "I know, that will be the baldheaded nigger in the blue Mercedes license plate ... I know about him and have a feeling he has pulled the trigger before. You tell that motherfucker that my night scope comes complete with an infrared laser and Dirty Harris, Model 29, forty four."

"If that mother fucker pisses me off, he'll be walking down the street with his buddies one night and at the thud, his friends are going to be asking each other, 'Who dropped the watermelon?"

One resentment I had with Katie and her situation was the fact that everyone she knew felt they had the upper hand over me, and also that the authorities willing permitted them to have it. I couldn't resist, making the drug dealer feel as naked as me.

"You know, Katie has ran away so much, she hasn't realized that I have a new part time job that I love; I trace skips on the weekends and I tell you what ... Me and my new friends will have no problem of kicking in your door and holding people we believe are harboring fugitives, needless to say the police will now be forced to deal with what we discover.

I actually think he stopped breathing, and acknowledged he got the message by screaming, "Motherfuck!" and ended the call by throwing his phone up against the wall.

The very next day, Katie came home and looked at me and smiled, "I'm glad, Elizabeth's Dad is going to put you in the system and shoot you for an outstanding warrant and put one of his illegal guns on you so he doesn't get in trouble."

While the giggling Katie was walking away to her room, I smiled back and said, "I wish him the best of luck!"

I looked up at the kitchen ceiling and whispered, "I now know God your hand is personally in this! Let's kick ass!"

I found it the funniest thing in the world that I would be going to the courthouse tomorrow to hand the trust clerk, my mother's Annual Fiduciary Report. Knowing I was just given what I needed to destroy Elizabeth's Dad's career, I had the angle and devil on their respective side of my shoulders, making their cases.

As normal I grabbed a cab and took it to the courthouse, and as I prefer to go in through the Bosely Avenue entrance as the guards there seem to have a better disposition. Instead of making the right turn, it was only a matter of me continuing on straight ... Straight into the Sherriff's office, when I met the sheriff in charge that day.

You should have seen the look on his face when I said, "I have a Baltimore County Sherriff planning to put me in the system and then shoot me on an outstanding warrant, and then put one of his illegal guns on me so he isn't charged. I do know for a fact that there have been three attempts at getting my Social Security Number." I continued on with the full story behind this guy and noting the look on the man's face, I was loving life.

"Mr. Kohlman, if you want to file a formal complaint, chances are we can find out who Elizabeth's father is. Just putting a warrant out on someone isn't that easy."

"Do you really want me to do that?"

"Well, it would be a headache, but I would understand."

"Personally, I don't want to ruin a man's career for being stupid by trying to impress adolescent girls. For now, just do it my way and to be honest I don't want a record of this should I end up doing something. I think this is the best way to get the message across, without really punishing anybody or making my life more hell for me."

From there, it was up to the office of the Trust and Adoptions clerk, who was an older lady who took over the job when the man retired. The man who acted as clerk was a nice person who basically helped me out and looked for anything that would be a problem on the document.

For whatever reason, the lady trust clerk not only took a liking to me, she did everything she could to make my court appointed life as easy as it could be, including getting me a court order waving the annual fee; which actually caused problems for me as I had an upper limit to Mom's SSI, which was required and though only $30.00 a month, it tended to add up. I had so little to spend it on as I was also accountable to SSI as well..

The trust and adoptions clerk felt I was essentially the guardian over nothing, and it was a burden for me to pay, when I won't take any monies out for myself. One time she discovered a four dollar discrepancy and I panicked about that, which made her laugh as she said, "Don't worry about it, we only get mad when we have to ask, 'What happened to the $60,000 of your trust's money that didn't make it in the report.'" When I found out what the discrepancy was, I added it to the report.

The clerk knew of the fun I was having with the step-daughter and wanted an update, and was horrified with what I revealed about the sheriff, but I told her all the humor behind it. At one point, she stopped her review and took me to meet the new administrative judge that replaced Judge Fader.

We chatted, shook hands and he patted me on the back for being so thoughtful with the guardianship of my mother. This time the paperwork was spot on and I couldn't resist. "Hey, if you want to have fun with the sheriff's department; call down there and say, 'You know, I just got done with Mr. Kohlman and he told me the craziest story I had ever heard about you guys. He also met the new administrative judge and I saw the judge shake his hand and pat him on his back.'" While I don't know if she did it, she loved the idea.

Since I was planning to walk the five miles to work, I decided to go to the bathroom first and when I was washing my hands, two sheriffs walked in and stopped dead. The one exclaimed, "Jesus that is the scariest look I ever got!"

"Are either of you Elizabeth's dad?"

The both said no, but the other asked, "What's that all about?"

I busted out laughing and said, "I'm sure you'll be finding out tomorrow."

As soon as they walked in to the bathroom, I figured out it is most likely possible to grab both of their guns, run them past the door security and to the sheriff's office without actually getting myself shot. I would have loved the look on that guys face when I plunked two guns on his desk and point to the one that was Elizabeth's dads.

In those two instances, I must have shook a few shitters because Katie ran away to the drug dealer's house, who took her to anywhere else saying, "You're mom, might be a crazy nut, but you're dad is no one to fuck with." I found out he had a degree in chemistry, worked for a food company, and more or less only fancied himself as a drug dealer actually buying a personal supply with a little more to entertain his guests.

As luck would have it, he took Katie to Elizabeth's dad's house who put her in the car and dropped her off somewhere with specific orders never to bother him or his family ever again. Katie caught me in the hallway and said, "God Dad, what the hell are you doing, everybody's scared of you."



One person still wasn't and when I picked up her phone call a few days later, Christina laughed and said, "Well, I've done it. They're coming for you." About an hour later my dog got my attention and it turned out there was an older white car filled with boys in it, looking at the house.

They then suddenly found me in my driveway with my Bowie in one hand and a tomahawk in the other. The only thought going through my head was my father's dying words, "God damn it, when I die I am giving you an arsenal. If you give up those guns for any reason, you just might find yourself in a war with nothing to shoot back with."

Believe it or not, those words provided me with humor as I looked at the boys, with my brandished tomahawk and Bowie. I didn't have anything to say to those boys, but plenty to mutter to God, "God I had enough of this and let those boys get out of the car and come to me! I want to end this now!"

I could literally see this happen and no matter the weapons they had, I planned to cut through them like you sawin the movie, "The Patriot." I wanted blood and I wanted it to be theirs, but I just looked at them and them, me. Finally they drove off, but I did have a feeling they would be coming back and still thought the house was in jeopardy.

I went out back, grabbed a portable chair and sat out front of the house. About a half hour later, a police car came up the street in the wrong direction and it slowed, and then stopped. The officer yelled out, "I just have to ask you, what are you doing sitting out of your house like that?"

"Have you been to this house before?"

"Oh yea, plenty of times."

"Then you know we're constantly under threat."

"You're taking things awfully seriously?"

"I just faced a car load of boys about a half-hour ago."

"Did you call 911?"

"No, I didn't see any sense in that."

"Tell you what, I'm in the area tonight and I will drive by your house a few times." I thought, Hopefully, the right direction. "By the way, what's that at your feet?"

"A tomahawk."

He jumped and yelled, "A what!"

"A tomahawk, sir."

After a hesitation he said, "A tomahawk, huh ... Do you know that if they are armed, chances are they have a gun?"

"I doubt if they have to point a gun at me, they couldn't do so in an effective manner."

He moaned, "Oh God, I don't want that call," and drove off. While I never saw a police car again that night, that white car with the boys drove by and I was just sitting there smiling at them, praying that God will let them get out of the car. But they too, drove off.

It wasn't long after that an officer there to take another report asked me, "Do you know that what you are planning to do could put you in jail?"

"Jail officer? You're talking jail to me? For the last year in a half, my life has been terrorized and I hardly get any sleep. What I think about jail is three hots, a cot that I can actually sleep in, no bills, free cable and health care. I can live with their rules and as for bubba and his hands on my shoulders, I figure that one forward snap role will get the message across not to try that with me again. I hope things won't come down to that, but jail would be a vacation for me."



Of course there would be no rest for the weary, or at my point, utter sleeplessness for a couple of weeks. I came home from work and noticed in the back yard, a black spray painted Moped. I pretty much figured that Katie was home and in checking the house out, found her and two other boys in her room.

I felt that I was respectful, but when the hour had come ith no more tolerance left, I asked them to leave, which they did. There was something about this that wasn't adding up in my mind so I couldn't sleep. About 1:30 in the morning, I went to the TV to watch the FOX news ticker and muted the sound.

I heard Katie's window being jimmied and immediately ran to the door and saw those two boys breaking into her room. I swung the door open and leapt out at them, just about grabbing the one at the window; I wound up to punch him in the face but had a horrible realization.

The last time I had that much adrenaline in my system was when I put my hand through the Sony stereo system and broke every circuit board in it. I knew if I punched him, I would have killed him so I let go and they walked away.

I screamed through the neighborhood, at the top of my lungs, "I tell you what, you better walk away and if I see you on my property again, I'm going to bust you up." They turned around and gave me that look.

"I know that look, you just told me you're juveniles and I can't do anything or I will go to jail. Well, jail would be a nice vacation for me, so try it to see if I am lying. Come here again and I will lay you out ... Oh, by the way I would suggest you trade in the stolen Moped for a Harley. That may be about the only thing I can't pick up and shove up your ass!"

I immediately went to my room, grabbed the tomahawk and opened Katie's door. I made a mental note of Morris, our orange tabby cat, scooted off her bed. I thought, At least he knows I am serious.

With tomahawk in hand, I yelled at Katie, "I'm telling you this right now; those boys aren't welcome back here because I will fuck them up. In fact, none of your friends are welcome here unless you mother is here. Good luck with that! If you think I am joking, try me; you're hell raising days with me are over!"

With no sleep I went to work and the prior night wasn't adding up in my mind, and just as unsettling was the fact Rita wanted to talk to me when I got home. It turned out that it wasn't Morris that rolled out of bed and onto the floor, but Christina.

Now everything made sense, and it was further explained that one of the boys had gotten Christina pregnant and they were trying to figure out what to do next. I was asked if it is OK to have Christina there for a day or two more. For lack of a better solution, I agreed to it, but after the next shift at work I came home and decided to sit in the dining room and re-edge that tomahawk.

For an hour in a half straight, the entire household got to hear the resonant metallic sound of hard cold steel on stone. I couldn't sleep because of the imposition and the fact the girl who threatened me the most was sleeping in the next room with Katie, the one who threatened me the second most.

I went to work in the morning, and called home. I point blank laid it out, "Rita, you know how much we hated the people who helped Katie out running away and gave her comfort; we are now those people. If her parents reported her as a runaway, then we are breaking the law, and Parkville precinct will have a field day with us."

"I think it is best to send Christina back home, because I am going to check the house and if she is there, I'm not going to say a word, just call the police and serve a trespass notice. She isn't welcome at my house and I resent her being there after all the trouble she caused."

"Look, I know Christina's pregnant but that's actually a long time coming. It is best to tell her parents because they are the best help for her right now." In fact I had pretty much figured that her parents would insist that Christina have an abortion, but Christina bore out the pregnancy, gave birth and the child was taken away from Christina and raised by them. I don't think Christina was very happy over this, but for at least a while, she was no more responsible.

Shortly after that event, the relations between Rita and Katie tanked and with everyone afraid to argue with me, Rita and Katie fought amongst themselves like cats and dogs. I sort of viewed it as the, "matriarchal upheaval." It was simple; Rita had enough of Katie and her behavior and severely resented Katie interfering with her new life and wanted her out of the house.

If Katie was there, Rita told her to get out. Katie said that she can't get emancipated and Rita said that she didn't care, but was willing to help. Rita is a Job Corp graduate and after several attempts, got Katie in the Job Corp Program. It was obvious to me, I got Katie's little girls eyes back and she was fearful over this change.

Personally I supported it and point blank told Katie, "Look, this is what you wanted, to be on your own and in my opinion that's the way you have to go. When you're on your own, you tend to make decisions that are best for you, because you're the only one to pay the price for you bad decisions."



For the next three days after Katie left for Job Corp, I enjoyed every second of peace that existed. Rita was busy out of the house doing her thing, Jimmy was inside the house doing his and never bothering everybody; and the police weren't knocking on my door. I was also very happy to no longer be the disgrace of the block.

Miss Isabel was a lady across the street that my Grandmother knew and since her daughter moved out of the house was renting the upstairs apartment. None of those renters were any problem and there was a gap of time her last border moved out. He was a self-declared gay person, but struck me more as a loner since I never saw him bring anyone home.

It was a couple of months this woman tenant had moved in, but I never met her. I leashed up Oliver, my beagle and started my walk. She was out front of my house so I looked forward to introducing myself.

I said, "Hello."

And she replied, "Is that YOUR-R beagle?"

"Yes."

"I hate that bark and he barks all hours of the night and the day! I'm going to kill that fucking thing!"

"Geeze, I was just going to say, 'Welcome to the neighborhood.' No he doesn't, I only put in out about six times a day for ten minutes to forty five. But if you are going to put things that way, if I find my dog dead; the only thing you will be wishing was that I just outright killed YOU."

As I walked Oliver, the dog everyone else seems to love, I could only think, Well you had three days of peace. I was concerned about the problem with the new neighbor and knew I had to talk to Miss Isabel to inform her of the problem.

Making it back home, the woman renting the upstairs was gone, and Miss Isabel was out front. I told her what happened and her reply was, "Oh God, Mike! If your dog is a problem to her, please put Oliver out front and keep him there twenty-four, seven. She's scaring the hell out of me."