Listen, children, if you dare,
For there's a secret I must share.
Come closer now and hold my hand;
Grown-ups wouldn't understand.

Don't tell your Mom, don't tell your Dad,
They may get cross, they may get mad.
Don't even tell your baby-sitters,
This house is full of crazy critters.

When Mother swept the floor last week
Did you detect the smallest squeak?
Well that's because within her broom
Abides a baby Babaroom.

And in the dust behind the doors
Do dwell a dozen Dozeyvores.
More shimmering Shufties than you'd think
Infest the soap-suds in the sink.

Beneath the carpets and the rugs
Dance jiving little Jabberbugs.
Behind the curtains, if you please,
Lurk lots of lacy Lonjarees!

And see your father's favourite chair?
Cheeky Chuckaroos chatter there.
Those pictures on the wall all hide
Speruckles (though they can't be spied)

If you flop down upon the couch
You're sure to hear the faintest 'Ouch!'
No crying, please, no screams, no shouts;
It's just the swarms of Snuffle-Snouts.

In that dark space beneath your bed
Slithers a silvery Slipperhead,
And tinier than the smallest midge,
A purple Pudgy's in your fridge.

You think that's all? You think I'm done?
There's lots more critters having fun.
In every cranny, every nook,
Upon each shelf, inside each book,

In the bathroom, on the stair,
Inside that cupboard over there.
Though you may think it can't be true,
You're living in a Critter Zoo.

Now please don't fly into a rage,
Could you just step into this cage?
Sweet Kiddie-Boppers, that's perfection,
The final Critters in my collection.