It was strange going through grandmother's house with her no longer there; while we had the rights, it still felt like trespassing. What was great was Cindy and I were totally upfront with each other and the family on my mother's side was cooperative.

We went and closed out the safe deposit boxes and read the will. Everything was left to my sister and I; which also had its element of feeling like we were trespassing as really, Mom should have been the benefactor had she been healthy and not in a nursing facility.

Grandma gave Cousin Emily an account that was to cover the funeral and Uncle Vic had another which he signed over to Cindy and me. It was great to have not only a loving, but supportive and generous family, so we could seek them out for advice.

Cindy and I decided it would be best to sell the house and she had another friend that was a great advisor in disposing the contents of the house. We ordered a huge dumpster to throw out much of the contents, especially that couch Grandma sat in. The lady also clued us in on how to deal with the appraiser/auctioneer, and when to keep an object that he would love to sell that we would do better selling ourselves. His voice would rise in an excited fashion, "Sell it!"

Right off the bat, he hit the dining room and all of its hand carved furniture glory that was to be Cindy's. He too told us what to dump and in the end, we filled his truck up. I was amazed, what I perceived as value got less money, and what brought in the big bucks was always a surprise.

Under her refrigerator, she kept a large collection of silver coins, and old paper money until her house was broken into. That coin collection became a safety deposit box affair. In the end, everything was a 50/50 affair and the house was now listed to for sale, unfortunately in a downturn of the housing market.

My request to take Rita out on a date was warmly received and she told me to come over to Steve's house to get to know her better, which I did. It soon became a practice to go to Steve's house on a Friday night and enjoy a bit of drinking and movie watching. Then I would either walk home or crash there. Saturday night, Rita and I would go out and then Sunday's was usually church and family activities.

It took a few times before that first kiss, but I didn't worry as I felt it is best to let that aspect take care of itself in due time. She didn't want sex to be an issue for a while and that to, I was comfortable with.

Steve's main concern was he now considered me a friend and knowing how Rita could be, didn't want me to blame or be angry at him if things didn't work out. Rita also had two children, Katie and Jimmy. While Rita wanted me to play to their favor, I decided that it would be best to let them decide for themselves, which would be a great indicator on whether or not to proceed with the relationship.

With their father barely in the picture, they both quickly started to refer to me as Dad. I enjoyed the added element of their fondness. They were well behaved and enjoyed our family style outings and when at Steve's opted to play with Steve's daughter, Stephanie.

Dad was a bit shocked to find me dating again, especially a woman with two children, but he was gracious enough to invite us out to his pool, The Padonia Park Swim Club. He took an instant liking to Jimmy as well. Dad's wife Nancy was still very much there as well.

But then Dad came to my house and point blank said, "Tell me about this woman you're dating." He sensed problems and in fact guessed very accurately about her past life, in relation to how the children came about, her sophistication versus reality; and many of the problems in her life based on the way she had or was living. Now I was shocked, but had a very frank discussion.

I have no idea how he could guess what she did earlier in her life to make ends meet and that she got into trouble. When I told him the specific instance, he scoffed as he considered it the biggest public boondoggle the state of Maryland ever did. Still he added it as another example of something I should use to reconsider about dating her. We ended with me saying, "Still, what opportunities have I had in this life of mine? I intend to make the most of it and see where it leads."

He added, "Well, I hope she damn well does the same and is there for you in the end." I expressed that I felt that she has been there for me now.

Yet he was still there and very generous with his invites and offers for Rita, the kids and I. He was a supporting member of the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra and bought season tickets for their Pops concerts. In fact, he always seemed to buy two sets. It was great Rita and I could dress formal and enjoy occasional concerts. He had the family turn out for the Fourth of July at Oregon Ridge Park to attend the fireworks and Baltimore Symphony concert.

Grandma's house moved slowly and we had a couple offers that promised good negotiations, but fizzled out. Finally, our minimum price was met and we agreed to start contract proceedings and I called Cindy to tell her that the agents believe they have sold our house. I got hit in the head when she replied, "Well we can't sell the house because I am living here now. I decided to move out from Wayne's house and file for a no fault divorce."

The real-estate agents weren't happy in the least, that we refused the offer and decided to take the house off of the market. While we weren't obligated, we decided to reimburse the agents for their expenses, and they were grateful. I did meet with Cindy to discuss things and she said that she needed to stay at Grandma's and after the divorce, she will settle out and I will receive my share.

This separation wasn't easy and Wayne was coming around and bothering her. I was dropping something off and saw him hanging around. I let it be known that I am still part owner of the house and he isn't welcome here without my permission. Next time, I point blank said, "What in the hell do I have to do? Shoot you? I will protect my sister and this property." Wayne stopping around was more of a harassing nature in my opinion then an outright physical threat. I understood that he was trying to patch things up, but this wasn't a good way to go about it.

After a time, Cindy mentioned that she wanted to redo the upstairs so that a renter could move in and if I can help her pay for it; but I had to say, "Cindy, I know it would help with your expenses, but I am not going to put money into that. Fixing the upstairs is something that you can do after you divorce and we settle.

While I accepted this diversion, I really didn't appreciate it. In fact I was helping Rita out a bit. She had a job working with her sister selling alarm systems. Something I questioned considering, them working together and trying to one up the other always resulted in conflict and arguing.

Rita's sister Cathy, who was married to my coworker and friend Steve, was promoted to Van Manager, then Manager of sales, and with their rivalry it created both attitudes and problems. Then the employer changed the tables and made Rita the Van Manager and the conflicts quickly escalated and Cathy quit.

I really questioned the way the owner did business, but Rita assured me that she has the, "in," with the company. However it wasn't very long that the employer changed the way he did business and fired her or she decided to quit. She had an older Ford Taurus and I ended up helping with the maintenance.

Steve and I figured out what we needed to do and bought the parts. However, when we approached her car, she acted as if we had her baby and was going to play toss with it, a total panic. She insisted on getting her ex-boyfriend Jim to fix it since he didn't pay child support. Jim had a few jobs, but could never hold them. It was going to be interesting to meet the man who said he would beat me to death if I bothered his kids.

It took a few weekends, but Jim got it done and he had his own way to achieve his goals. He was OK to me, but I really saw the, disconnect between him and the children. He was also shocked when they referred to me as Dad.

He told Rita that he wanted to do a father/son thing and take him out scrapping with him, which is going into industrial areas to find metal and other materials that aren't nailed down and then taking them to a recycler. I insisted, "No way, it's way too dangerous for Jimmy and most likely illegal as well."

He didn't score points with me when he told me that he can't wait until Jimmy goes through puberty, so he can treat him to his first prostitute. I wouldn't permit that one to come about either. With the repairs finished, her car was up and running, but I quickly found out with Jim, I would be paying twice for parts and once for labor. With the next series of repairs, it was Steve and I or a mechanic straight off.

Another aspect I didn't like was her living arrangements, at one point Rita had a big falling out with Cathy and Steve and left the house that they rented. This put her out on the streets and when they found out they asked her back but she refused.

Ultimately she ended up living in an apartment of a person she previously dated. While I wasn't comfortable with things, everyone told me nothing was going on and the kids said that when they were there he stayed in his bed room. That was pretty much the arrangement during the week, than she and the children would sleep at Cathy and Steve's during the weekend.

What agitated Rita was just about everyone that knew her said, "Look Mike's a good guy and loves you. Don't blow it." The guy in the apartment really did live two lives, the one when he was alone and another when Rita and the children were in the apartment. That was when he stopped what he was doing and basically stayed in his bed room; one time, this almost caused a kitchen fire as the toaster was left unattended. I called over and Rita wasn't there, "Hey I just want you to know, I told Rita not to blow it and man, I wish you the best of luck, you'll need it."

There wasn't much talk about having Rita move in with me because quite simply, it was Dad's house and he wouldn't allow it. That didn't prevent him from stopping by and saying, "I notice you're up to your old tricks again. I am seeing Rita's car at the house at night more and more. You're not moving her in, are you?"

"No dad, I know it's your house."

"Well what if I told you I don't want her sleeping there at night?"

"It would make things inconvenient for me; it's not only her but her children as well. When they're here, she sleeps in my room, I sleep in yours and the children sleep in the living room."

"Well I don't believe that. You got my bedroom so junked up with you camera equipment there is no place for you to sleep."

"Take a look, there is just enough space to bed down like a deer."

"Well, you can't tell me that you aren't having sex here."

"I prefer to call it making love, and yes it happens, but it is very occasional because of the kids. Do you know they have ESP when it comes to that stuff?"

I did manage to get a brief laugh, "Well you know how I feel about that one too. Remember sex out of wedlock is why she has the kids. I don't understand why you couldn't have found anyone without kids, granted hers are good."

"Dad, think real, OK. This is Baltimore and I was probably the oldest person to be a virgin anyway. I wished that woman existed, but it would be a harsh reality ... Loneliness for the rest of my life."

In fact, when the kids were around, we had to think long and hard on ways to spend that, "making love time," alone. As soon as we weren't there, both Katie and Jimmy were searching. We snuck off to a bathroom for a bit of Cirque de Ole'! When a knock came at the door, it was Katie.

"Mom, where's Mike?"

"He went to the store or something."

"He was upstairs a minute ago and we didn't see him leave."

"Yes he did, he wouldn't be in the bathroom with me. Please let me pee in peace."

A few minutes later, there was knocking on the door again, this time it was Jimmy. "Dad."

Rita mouthed to me to answer him and I refused, but Rita insisted, so I did, "Yes, Jimmy?"

"Where's mom?"

I started to laugh, "Jimmy, I'm in here, how would I know."

"Katie said she just talked with her ..." Jimmy started laughing, "In the bathroom."

Next thing you know Katie was knocking at the door, "Mom?"
Then Jimmy, "Dad." I had to hand it to them for their ingenuity and the natural childhood karma on such matters, known by parents everywhere as the, "Want to be lovers curse."

I also enjoyed having Rita's clan over, including Cathy and Steve as I like entertaining and cooking. But there was a price to pay, that was how I tested out the tastes of new recipes. I got very good with cooking for larger groups and could look at a recipe and figure out how to alter it to my tastes. But it is amazing how quickly situations can change...

I went to deliver something to Cindy, knocked on the door and found Cindy wasn't there, but Rita was. I was shocked and Cindy talked to Rita privately to find someone to rent to. I finally got hold of Cindy and talked to her. She said that she decided she needed a renter and since she felt that Rita and I will be married, she was the best choice. She also mentioned that the upstairs still needs to be done and she doesn't have the money.

Cindy was charging Rita $425.00 a month, and despite my better judgment, I covered the remodeling of the upstairs with my inheritance from my Grandmother. It wasn't much, so the rehab was a bargain basement affair, with functionality over beauty. I also ended up the arbiter of their minor complaints between the two. Cindy wasn't there much, mainly to sleep; but when she was she needed quiet from the children. Rita wasn't happy when her kids found the condoms in the downstairs bathroom.

It was about a month long process to rehab the upstairs and move Rita in, using friends and paying coworkers to retrieve her furnishings from storage. Shortly after Rita and the kids moved in, I walked in and found Wayne looking at me. I instantly became angry and it was Cindy who said, "Mike, it's OK, we're talking again. We are going to work things out."

I was not only in absolute shock over this, but utter horror as well; I had a very bad feeling over this move on Cindy's part. Cindy would still visit the house to collect the rent, but what put me aback was she and Wayne started joint bank accounts and was working on refinancing together, which under the circumstances was playing Russian roulette, and in my opinion with 5 bullets in the six-gun.

Cindy kept me informed, and I found it all grating. Wayne had a very good job doing road construction, but would find himself occasionally out of work so he quit and became a contractor himself.  Now he was out of work a substantial amount of the time, but touted the windfalls of cash he does get. To me the more he talked, the more he sounded like Rita's ex, Jim. Between those windfalls, it fell upon Cindy to work as hard as she can to keep them afloat

Wayne was coming over and entering the house whenever he pleased. I was constantly getting calls from Rita about what Wayne was saying. He referred to her as a, "Temporary Renter," because after he fixes things up, they'll find someone who can pay more rent. I caught Wayne barging in one time and he didn't even say, "Hi." He and his friend started measuring.

Needless to say, I said something to him and this and was informed, "Mike, I don't think you understand, since Cindy got back together with me, it's now my house too."

"Not until Cindy and I settle. If you do anything to this house or in regards to Rita before that settlement is signed, there will be hell to pay." I stayed there until he left and went home, during his travels I chewed Cindy out."

She was sort of recalcitrant over it and I was handed another surprise. Well, Wayne and I are considering moving out and getting another house. I had a feeling that it would be best to settle Cindy out and we agreed on the same timeframe that I promised her when she was living at Grandma's. I thought it would be equitable for both.

This really made me think about the relationship with Rita and marriage. I loved the dating relationship, but wasn't really confident about a marriage with her. It was things like, "Well I love you, but I am not in love with you." She also found the notion of being best friends somewhat humorous, but agreed that it was the best chance. I also didn't like her ponderings on the issue, she wasn't sure, "I don't know if marriage with you would work out, but if it doesn't all I want is my car. I'll just take the kids and go."

Another major point of the concern was her financial stability. After losing the job with the alarm company, she was working more with the Fraternal Order of Police with those telemarketing fundraisers, which was right down the street from Grandma's. She at times could make good money, but it came in dreeps and drabs.

To keep the peace with Wayne and hopefully out of the equation, I was giving Rita the rent money to pay Cindy. Wayne still mentioned that he was losing money because the downstairs wasn't rented and I point blank told him, "Well that's my half and I'm not renting it out."

There was another reason that I was planning to settle. Dad's marriage with Nancy took a bad turn. She fairly suddenly wanted Dad out of the house, which he didn't understand. He was always irritated that she didn't clean her house or cooked dinner, but now she wanted nothing to do with him, and, "him," out of the house. He told me he said to her that he is staying there under protest. One thing is for sure, I didn't want to be living with Dad anymore, I just knew our relationship would be getting worse.

I took all that was going on in and really wondered if I was being guided from above to get married. Rita was the second lady that I dated and the second to call me the answer to her prayers, though that changed from time to time. I felt at its best, we only stood a fifty/fifty chance of success in a lifelong marriage.

No one was standing in line to date me and relationships in my life were so hard to come by. Those women who waited to make love were from a long passed era, my Mom and Dad seemed to be the last. I always wanted a family, was getting older, and above all; Rita was my only and best chance to secure that marriage.

All aspects were just on the other side of the balance of my mind that tipped the scales towards marriage, so I purchased the ring and proposed. Rita accepted, but was mad as I didn't invite her along to get the ring as she wanted a Marquise cut, but one large stone. I purchased a ring with a medium Marquise and two smaller one's one two bands that would be soldiered after the wedding. She referred to it as her booger. That hurt me tremendously as I really put my heart into choosing it.

I also decided at that point to sell all of my photography equipment. It was more a practical decision. I haven't used it since my Grandmother's demise and now with dating Rita, I was still in scouts and going on weekend trips, but no longer doing the summer or family camping trips as I was enjoying going on vacation with Rita and the kids.

The troop was there as we had dedicated older boys who were working towards Eagle, but we were losing the middle band of kids. Once again, some adults took over and went back to troop method, instead of patrol method. Bob was still in as well.

I knew that used equipment would sell for less, quite possibly at 25% of its original, but was very happy that B&H offered me 50% on unused accessories and close to two-thirds on the camera and flash gear. I did call around and the second New York supplier that I used was less than a quarter of the value and others said they have to sell off the used equipment first. Baltimore photographic supplies refused to deal with me at all to punish me for using the, "Grey Market," over them.

But B&H called me back, "Mr. Kohlman, we remember you. You're the nature photographer that asks us all of the technical questions. We know what you guys do to your camera equipment, so I have to tell you the price we quoted is strictly tentative. Please send it, if you don't like the price, we will ship it back free of charge."

I did just that, I boxed all of the equipment up, loaded it all on my little red wagon, headed for the shipping place at Parkville Shopping Center. There was almost a repeat of Tim and I dumping a wagonload of newspapers in the middle of Taylor Avenue. A car turned a corner so fast that I had to swerve the wagon to avoid being hit and I had jumped in and pushed the load back in time to prevent the wagon from toppling over. This time, a dump in the middle of Taylor Avenue would have cost me, thousands of dollars. I shipped and insured it for $350.00.

Rita was upset that I sold the gear, but I saw no choice because I knew with a family, I wouldn't have the time to go out doing nature photography. In addition, I wanted to start the marriage on an even keel. B&H called me back and said the camera equipment was perfect and the original quote stands. They couldn't believe how well I took care of the equipment. Sometimes, cleaning it took as long as the trip itself, did break a couple of protective filters though. This allowed me to pay put more money towards my credit card as I wanted to start out financially on an even keel.

Regret selling the camera or buying it in the first place? Never! I truly enjoyed the photographic/nature adventure as it was something that I just had to try and it gave me so many wonderful experiences. While I was apprehensive about the success of the marriage, I was enjoying us dating and looking forward to being married partners.