Andrew Christmas followed the car onto the driveway and stopped outside the house.

"We're going to steal a house now?" asked Laura, leaning forward and appraising the front of the house critically.

"Oh, I don't steal anything, you know that. I merely borrow without authorisation. Come on, my sweetness, let's have a look at our new love nest."

"I'm not being pregnant this time, though," she grumbled as she exited.

The young woman in the smart business suit left the car in front and stood at the porch, clipboard in hand and professional smile on her face.

"This is it, Mr Warrington. As you can see, it has a large front garden with a hedge. You'd hardly know there was a road the other side. Isn't this a lovely front porch? It catches the afternoon sun, perfect for sitting out with a gin and tonic of a summer evening."

"I can see," said Christmas, AKA Warrington for this afternoon. "As I said, Ms Pilkington, privacy is very important to us. What are the neighbours like?"

"You won't know they're there," she replied. "The houses on this street are all bungalows; you've got hedges both sides. Seriously, you could sunbathe nude and no one would know."

"Hear that honey?" Christmas grinned at Laura.

"Shut up," she responded, all most automatically.

"Can we see inside?" asked Christmas.

"Of course." Ms Pilkington fumbled with the bunch of keys in her hand and jiggled one in the lock. "What is it you do, Mr Warrington?"

"I'm a writer."

"No! Really? How exciting. What do you write about?"

"Mainly white goods instruction manuals. I wrote nearly the entire Toshiba XK475 refrigerator user guide."

"Oh, how interesting." Her voice suggested she had a unique definition of the word 'interesting'. She pushed the door open and invited the others in.

"Yes. I have a vehicle owner's manual to finish, very tight deadlines. Can't tell you which vehicle, of course, all hush-hush, but it's big." Christmas stepped inside and looked around. "That's why it's important we find the right place."

The front door opened directly into the main living room. Dust sheets covered the furniture. One window looked out over the driveway they had just parked in. On the opposite wall a window overlooked an overgrown garden. Christmas looked out over the back of the property.

"How long has it been like this? Empty, I mean."

"The owner's been for an extended stay over on the east coast. Work, I think. Probably about three months, I guess. Don't worry, we'll get a cleaner in before you move in."

"And it's available for how long?"

"At least for four weeks. Shall I pull these covers off, let you see the furniture?"

"No, that's fine. What's out there, beyond the garden?"

Ms Pilkington stood beside Christmas and looked out.

"I'm not sure. Just fields, I think. A wood, maybe. No neighbours, if that's what you're worried about. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house."

"No, please don't bother." Christmas shrugged at Laura. "Sorry, sweetness."

"Is there a problem?" Ms Pilkington looked anxiously between the pair.

"Sorry," said Christmas. "Oh, nothing terrible, it's just, well, it's the ambience."

"The ambience?"

"Yes, the ambience. It just doesn't do it for me, I'm afraid. It's a shy creature, my muse, and I simply can't be creative in the wrong atmosphere. Not your fault, entirely mine, but this just doesn't have the ambience."

The woman from the rental agency looked around the room perplexed. "The ambience? But you haven't see it properly yet. Wait till it's been cleaned up."

"No, it's not that, it's just ... well, how can I describe it? You know how it is."

Ms Pilkington clearly had no idea how it was, but she shrugged anyway. "Of course. We have a property over in Meadowlands, not quite as secluded, but very nice."

Christmas looked at his watch. "We could give it a try, I suppose, but not this afternoon, I'm afraid. I have to get back for my nap. You know how I get if I don't have my nap," he told Laura.

"Cranky," agreed Laura.

"What about tomorrow?" asked Ms Pilkington.

Christmas grimaced. "I'll tell you what, how about I call you, when I know when I'm going to be free?"

"Sure, whatever." Laura could see the dollar signs falling from Ms Pilkington's eyes. She obviously had now moved them from prospective revenue to waste of time.

"Thank you so much for your trouble, though," said Christmas, as they were shepherded towards the door. "It's such a shame about the ambience."

They returned to their car.

"Ambience?" asked Laura, strapping into the passenger seat.

"Very important to us writers," said Christmas.

"We writers. And what was wrong with the place? I'm not going back to somewhere like that no-frills dump we stayed in last night."

"Nor shall we, sweetness." Christmas looked over his shoulder as he backed the car out of the drive.

"So what was wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. It's isolated, it's within an hour's drive of the Guild, good access, even at the back in case of an emergency. It even had a desk console, did you see that? No, it's pretty much perfect."

He drove off down the road.

"So why not rent it?" Laura asked.

"Because to rent it would mean using a card, leaving details that could be checked, raising our head above the parapet."

He took the first turning on the left and pulled over against the kerb.

"So what are we going to do?" she persisted. Christmas turned and grinned at her. "What, we're going to break in?"

Christmas looked shocked. "No! We're merely going to ... unofficially inhabit."

"That's stupid! What if the owner comes back? What if the rental company bring someone else round?"

"The owner will be away for at least four weeks. And look at the place. Dust sheets, overgrown garden. No one's been there for at least a month. She must have thought her holidays had all come at once when we expressed an interest. I bet we were the first people to view it since it went on their books. The neighbours don't overlook it. If we're careful, no one will know. Even if someone does notice, well, we're renting it. You worry too much, you know that?"

"Oh great. Now I'm a squatter."

"There you go. You're beginning to look on the bright side already." Christmas pulled away again and executed a three point turn. "We need a base of operations, somewhere no one will bother us. That place is as good as we're going to find. Besides, they were asking far too much for it. They're the criminals, if you ask me."

"And if I ask the police?"

"Well, okay, if you look at it in strictly narrow terms like that, but you've got to admit, it's an adventure, being married to the author of refrigerator manuals like me, isn't it?"

"Hey, you missed the drive."

"Let's explore the pretty way, shall we?"