"What's wrong with the car we have?"

Laura and Christmas stood to the side of the diner, where no windows overlooked the car park.

"It's stolen."

"Well? So will this one be in a minute."

"The police know about that one. They'll not know about this one for a little while yet."

"Jesus, now I'm a car thief. Wonderful. You make my life complete, you know that?"

"Just keep an eye out for the owner."

Christmas worked underneath the front of a ten-year-old heap in the car park.

"It just doesn't seem fair. I mean, a decent car would be owned by someone who could maybe afford to lose it. This is owned by someone who can't afford anything better."

"Decent cars have decent security. Decent cars have tracking systems. Decent cars have owners who can shout loud enough for police chiefs to hear."

"God, what if it's somebody who desperately needs it?"

Christmas picked himself off the ground and gave the driver's door an experimental tug.

"What if she's going to ferry orphans to their new homes after her eighteen hour shift? All this after her radiotherapy too."

Laura scowled at him. "Oh, ha ha. Yes, very funny, but it still doesn't make it any better."

"Look, I won't damage it and I'll leave it with a full tank afterwards, okay?"

He shoulder-barged the door and wrenched at the handle on the recoil. It flew open.

"Yes, I can see you're being so careful with it," said Laura, walking around towards the passenger door.

"What? It worked." Christmas jumped in and repeated his trick with the driving mirror.

"So what? We're going to run from car park to car park, leaving a trail of stranded invalids in our wake?"

"No. This is the last time. Probably, anyway," he amended. "You're right, do it too many times and we leave a trail. They'll see a pattern. No, we'll trade this in, stick with one vehicle for the next couple of days. By that time we should have what we want." He peeled the sticker off the mirror and placed it over the thumbprint reader.

"Trade it in? How? We've got no documents."

"Oh, you sweet innocent girl," grinned Christmas as the car coughed into life. "You just need to find the right dealer. I can flim-flam anyone if they're greedy enough."

"They'll check to see if it's stolen."

"With a bit of luck, it'll be a few more hours before anyone notices it's gone. Three o'clock at least."

"Why do you say that?"

Christmas slipped the car into gear and pulled onto the road.

"I chatted Betty up while you powdered your nose. She's under the impression she's in for a little afternoon delight before her husband gets home."

"Who's Betty? Oh, wait. The waitress? Oh, gross. You propositioned her?"

"I can't help being irresistible to women, you should know that."

"But why?"

"Well, she told me her shift doesn't end till three, so I'd have to cool my ardour."

"And?"

"And this is her car. There, doesn't that make you feel better? We've stolen the car of an adulteress, and not an orphan-ferrying invalid."

"Strangely, no, it doesn't. It's made me feel a little sick, if anything. What if she'd been about to finish her shift? How far would you have gone?"

"Well, that would depend on you. She was up for a threesome."

"What?"

Christmas laughed at Laura's outraged scream.

"Oh, relax. It was just my body she was after. Anyway, what's it to you? Surely you're not jealous."

"No, but if I'm putting my life on the line, I want to know how low the idiot I'm doing it for will stoop."

"Oh, lower than you can possibly imagine."

Christmas turned off onto a side road.

"Where are we going?" asked Laura.

"I'm looking for the right town. Besides, best to stay off the main road."

"What town?"

Christmas shrugged. "I don't know, but I'll know it when I see it."

"What are we looking for?"

"Somewhere small enough it's off the beaten track, but large enough to have a car dealership open on a Sunday."

"You're buying a car? That's not like you."

Christmas see-sawed his hand. "Not buy, exactly."



Christmas strode out of the portacabin office of the used car lot with the owner. They paused as Christmas pumped the salesman's hand, then they made their way to the car in which Laura sat impatiently.

"Good news, sweetness. Mr Jenson here has made us a sweet deal." Christmas opened the door and held out his hand for Laura. Ignoring it, Laura stepped out of the car.

"A sweet deal, huh?"

"He sure has. A pickup. Now we can start making some real money."

Mr Jenson looked embarrassed. "Well, it was the least I could do, after Mr Smith explained it all. Nearly had me in tears, he did. You're both lucky people. I wish you every success. Especially you, darling. My, but you're looking good."

"Isn't she?" enthused Christmas, placing a proprietary arm around her shoulders. "She positively glows. Come on, honey, come see the truck Mr Jenson has given us."

"Call me John, please. No one but the taxman calls me Mr Jenson. Come on." Call-Me-John led the way through the lot to an ancient pickup in two-tone white and rust.

"You've bought this?" asked Laura.

"Oh, I know it needs a lick of paint, but Mr Jenson says it's the best little runner on the lot, isn't that right, Mr Jenson?"

"It sure is. Runs like a dream." He held up the keys. "And it's all yours."

"Cool!" Christmas made a grab for the keys. "My first pickup. How great is that? You watch, this will be the first of a whole fleet of trucks, all with our name on: Smith and Son."

"Right." Laura looked at the old pickup dubiously. What scam had he pulled this time?

"Well, hop in, sweetness. Let's take a spin. We'll swing by home and pick up the documents for Mr Jenson." Christmas opened the passenger door and bowed.

"Careful, darling," said Call-Me-John. He took her elbow before she could protest and guided her into the seat. "Be sure to buckle up. Safety first, eh?"

Christmas bounded into the driver's seat, turned the motor over and pulled away.

"Wave to Mr Jenson, the thieving little bastard," he said through a rictus grin.

Laura waved.

"Keys? No thumb reader? How old is this heap?"

"No thumb reader means no fingerprint registration. And Honest John back there must have thought his prayers were answered when I showed an interest in it, so he was happy to bend the rules a tad, especially when I told him about you."

"What about me?"

"Well, would you believe it, but he fancied a threesome too. What is it about this county?"

"Shut up! What did you really tell him?"

Christmas looked innocent. "What? I just exaggerated a little." He broke into a grin. "Oh, all right. I told him I was starting up my own business, what with being out of work for a while and you being pregnant."

"What?"

"Well, you do glow, you know. And he took us for a couple of schmucks and foisted this aberration on us. With luck, he'll not even report it stolen when we don't return. He robbed us blind, exchanging this for that car. With luck, it won't show up on anyone's radar for a couple of days, maybe even longer. In the mean time, we have a legitimate vehicle and our trail's gone cold."

"And he believed I'd let you lay a finger on me, let alone let you get me pregnant?"

"Hey, stranger things have happened. Even Frankenstein's monster had a bride. Now, don't excite yourself, it's not good for the baby."

Giggling, he headed the pickup out of town.