Self Improvement Poetry posted May 9, 2008


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
For all victims of sexual abuse

I Will No Longer Wear Your Coat

by Rdfrdmom2


It is not and never was your fault!!!

I will no longer wear your coat of shame

Especially since it was never really mine to wear –

When you adorned me with it, I was

            Young

                        Trusting

                                    Virginal

In every sense of the word

Until you stole that from me

Replacing my veil of innocence

With a cloak of deceit and self-disgust

That became more deeply embedded

Each time you used me for your own pleasure

Adding layers of varnish to the lies

With which you painted my body and soul;

Convincing me I was the one who was worthless;

The one deserving to be on the receiving end of the stones

When it was you who turned my world upside down

After pretending to be my friend and protector

When life at home became too confusing to understand.

 

I am blessed to be wearing a new coat these days

Well, maybe not  new but one I had misplaced –

This one has always contained the gifts of God’s

            Grace

                        Mercy

                                    Love

And compassion beyond all measure;

It somehow got buried under all the varnish of lies

All too often getting shellacked just as it was re-emerging

To reassure me God had never once abandoned me

During troubled times

But had remained by my side through it all

Providing emotional and physical strength

At those times I believed I could not go on

Equipping me for the time when He would call me

To share with others how He had once again

Turned what “you had meant for evil against me”¹

Into something to be used both for His good and His glory

That is the coat I will be wearing from now through eternity.

 

                        jbh

                      11-27-05

 

¹adapted from Genesis 50:20



Recognized


After an act of sexual abuse, perpetrators use one of the most powerful weapons ever known to man: guilt. These victimizers have an unusual propensity for playing the guilt game and unload a truckful of guilt on their innocent victims. It is an extremely cruel game of deceit, especially when the victim is a child under the age of 12. The following lines are used to keep the child quiet:

"If you share our secret, it will break my heart. They won't let me see you again and that would just kill me."

"If you share our little secret, your Mom wouldn't understand and she would leave us."

"If you share our little secret, your mom will divorce me, our family will be ruined, and it will be all your fault."

"If you share our secret, I'll tell them you came on to me, you wanted it, you started it. No one is going to believe you."

"If you share our little secret, I won't love you any more. No one will love you any more."

"If you share our little secret, I'll kill everyone in your family."

"If you share our little secret, your father will kill me. Then he will go to jail and your mom won't have any way to support your family. Then everybody will hate you."

"If you share our little secret, everyone will know you are a dirty whore/tramp."

"If you share our little secret, they will send you away and you'll never see your family again."

These comments are taken from June Hunt's book, "Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook" and from my personal experiences during my 14 years of childhood sexual abuse. I did not come forward publicly until I was 54 years old.

Do you still wonder why sex crimes are the most under-reported crimes in the United States and likely, the world?

Thank you for reading. Children need to be seen, heard, and believed. Further, it is time for victims of sex crimes to stop being revictimized once they report the crimes, no matter their age.
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