| Humor Non-Fiction posted October 6, 2021 |
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Human Behaviour and ...
Communications Degree for Dogs
by Wendy G
Communication skills?
I have a degree in that!
It's from the Canine Studies University - I majored in Human Behaviour Management and Human Relationships.
I was a star student. You can check my academic record by googling Sunny G! (Otherwise known as Mama's cute black and white rescue dog!)
My lessons below apply predominantly to dogs – cats will do their own thing, and they have their own unique strategies to encourage human compliance.
These lessons in the fine art of canine communication are what I have taught my Mama.
Lesson 1: Food
The eyes of dogs are very expressive, particularly around meal times. Fix your eyes on your loved one with a look which combines adoration and admiration. You are absolutely sure that she is an excellent chef – but all food needs to be taste –tested before human consumption. Show, with your longing eyes, that you are available and willing to do this duty. Remain looking at her like this until she feels guilty and gives you some tasty morsels, or until you simply wear her down.
Lesson 2: Food
If you are tired of the same food, pretend you are not feeling well. Use your eyes now to look sad, lower your tail and walk away from the bowl. Lie down in a droopy fashion. The human has probably forgotten that you snatched a piece of sausage you found at the picnic ground when you were walking. She will worry that in your illness, you may starve. I can almost guarantee that you will be offered something special. I did that and got an egg whisked up – now I have an egg with my dinner most nights. This may need to be repeated every few weeks until she remembers to offer you a full and varied menu.
Lesson 3: Food
You are capable of removing the peas from your dish. Line them up elsewhere – she will soon get the hint. Even the small humans don't go much for peas.
Lesson 4: Walking – preparations
Once you see the special person putting on the "walking shoes" you need to indicate your pleasure and anticipation of a joyful time together. Scrabble at her hands while she is trying to tie the shoe-laces. Put your nose on top of the shoe so she cannot see what she is doing. She will understand that you are communicating your delight at the prospect of a walk together. When it is time to put on your harness, play the game of "Catch me if you can". This will prolong your special time.
Lesson 5a: Walking speed
If you feel that she is going too slowly and you want to run – then run! Pretend there is a dog up ahead that you want to play with. Pull hard on your lead. You may be surprised that she can run, even if she is just running so she won't be pulled off her feet. She is pretending to onlookers that she is fit and enjoys running – and that it was her own idea!
Lesson 5 b: Walking speed
If she is going too fast for you, then stop every few seconds. Use your nose, and be engrossed in sniffing something every few metres. Don't look at her at all, and also pretend that you can't hear her muttering at you to hurry up. This will drive her crazy – but she will slow down. Use your ears though. If she is threatening to go for a walk without you, then walk perfectly for a little while, and then resume your strategy. Repeat as needed. Humans need a lot of repetition to learn their lessons.
Lesson 6: Walking
If she is going somewhere that you don't want to go, then stop. Push your back legs into the ground, and stubbornly keep looking in the direction you wish to go. Make her turn around, and go where you want. She can't drag you along the ground – and definitely would not do this in public!
Lesson 7: Licking
This is a communication method that some humans love, and others don't. If she uses words like "Kiss" then it is fine to continue to show your love this way. Be sensitive to her needs with this one. You don't want her rushing to wash her hands or face every few minutes. And you certainly don't want to hear her apologize to people because you are a "licky dog". It's a special sign of affection. Keep your licks for very special treats and for very special humans.
Lesson 8: Cuddles and Sitting on Human Knees
Be polite. Place one or both paws tenderly on her legs, while looking at her with those same loving eyes as in Lesson 1. If you are not too big, they will usually respond. That way you may have access to her Zoom sessions (and others will admire and love you), and also to her computer for when you want to write your own stories.
Lesson 9: Barking
It is best to only bark to warn your human that some-one has approached the front door. Once that formal communication is done, you don't need to be a watch-dog any more. Make friends with all and sundry. If it is a burglar he will be busy patting you to keep you quiet, and will forget what he came for.
Lesson 10a: Saying good morning
If you need to go outside, your best communication method is to wake up your human by quietly approaching the bed, then stand up on your hind legs and tap your front feet persistently on the bed right next to her head until she wakes. Why should you have to use your doggy door all by yourself? Your human is a big part of your life, and you enjoy the early morning company.
Lesson 10b: Saying good-night
Walk up to your special human, and place your body on her feet. Then roll over for a tummy rub. Insist that your person gives you the quality time you deserve – and the quantity.
Finally, remember that you have a lot to gain by communicating well with your loved one.
And don’t' forget to smile! A cute smile will earn you instant forgiveness for whatever you may need it for.
You are also communicating the need of the power of forgiveness, and the need to keep a sense of humour!
Communication skills?
I have a degree in that!
It's from the Canine Studies University - I majored in Human Behaviour Management and Human Relationships.
I was a star student. You can check my academic record by googling Sunny G! (Otherwise known as Mama's cute black and white rescue dog!)
My lessons below apply predominantly to dogs – cats will do their own thing, and they have their own unique strategies to encourage human compliance.
These lessons in the fine art of canine communication are what I have taught my Mama.
Lesson 1: Food
The eyes of dogs are very expressive, particularly around meal times. Fix your eyes on your loved one with a look which combines adoration and admiration. You are absolutely sure that she is an excellent chef – but all food needs to be taste –tested before human consumption. Show, with your longing eyes, that you are available and willing to do this duty. Remain looking at her like this until she feels guilty and gives you some tasty morsels, or until you simply wear her down.
Lesson 2: Food
If you are tired of the same food, pretend you are not feeling well. Use your eyes now to look sad, lower your tail and walk away from the bowl. Lie down in a droopy fashion. The human has probably forgotten that you snatched a piece of sausage you found at the picnic ground when you were walking. She will worry that in your illness, you may starve. I can almost guarantee that you will be offered something special. I did that and got an egg whisked up – now I have an egg with my dinner most nights. This may need to be repeated every few weeks until she remembers to offer you a full and varied menu.
Lesson 3: Food
You are capable of removing the peas from your dish. Line them up elsewhere – she will soon get the hint. Even the small humans don't go much for peas.
Lesson 4: Walking – preparations
Once you see the special person putting on the "walking shoes" you need to indicate your pleasure and anticipation of a joyful time together. Scrabble at her hands while she is trying to tie the shoe-laces. Put your nose on top of the shoe so she cannot see what she is doing. She will understand that you are communicating your delight at the prospect of a walk together. When it is time to put on your harness, play the game of "Catch me if you can". This will prolong your special time.
Lesson 5a: Walking speed
If you feel that she is going too slowly and you want to run – then run! Pretend there is a dog up ahead that you want to play with. Pull hard on your lead. You may be surprised that she can run, even if she is just running so she won't be pulled off her feet. She is pretending to onlookers that she is fit and enjoys running – and that it was her own idea!
Lesson 5 b: Walking speed
If she is going too fast for you, then stop every few seconds. Use your nose, and be engrossed in sniffing something every few metres. Don't look at her at all, and also pretend that you can't hear her muttering at you to hurry up. This will drive her crazy – but she will slow down. Use your ears though. If she is threatening to go for a walk without you, then walk perfectly for a little while, and then resume your strategy. Repeat as needed. Humans need a lot of repetition to learn their lessons.
Lesson 6: Walking
If she is going somewhere that you don't want to go, then stop. Push your back legs into the ground, and stubbornly keep looking in the direction you wish to go. Make her turn around, and go where you want. She can't drag you along the ground – and definitely would not do this in public!
Lesson 7: Licking
This is a communication method that some humans love, and others don't. If she uses words like "Kiss" then it is fine to continue to show your love this way. Be sensitive to her needs with this one. You don't want her rushing to wash her hands or face every few minutes. And you certainly don't want to hear her apologize to people because you are a "licky dog". It's a special sign of affection. Keep your licks for very special treats and for very special humans.
Lesson 8: Cuddles and Sitting on Human Knees
Be polite. Place one or both paws tenderly on her legs, while looking at her with those same loving eyes as in Lesson 1. If you are not too big, they will usually respond. That way you may have access to her Zoom sessions (and others will admire and love you), and also to her computer for when you want to write your own stories.
Lesson 9: Barking
It is best to only bark to warn your human that some-one has approached the front door. Once that formal communication is done, you don't need to be a watch-dog any more. Make friends with all and sundry. If it is a burglar he will be busy patting you to keep you quiet, and will forget what he came for.
Lesson 10a: Saying good morning
If you need to go outside, your best communication method is to wake up your human by quietly approaching the bed, then stand up on your hind legs and tap your front feet persistently on the bed right next to her head until she wakes. Why should you have to use your doggy door all by yourself? Your human is a big part of your life, and you enjoy the early morning company.
Lesson 10b: Saying good-night
Walk up to your special human, and place your body on her feet. Then roll over for a tummy rub. Insist that your person gives you the quality time you deserve – and the quantity.
Finally, remember that you have a lot to gain by communicating well with your loved one.
And don’t' forget to smile! A cute smile will earn you instant forgiveness for whatever you may need it for.
You are also communicating the need of the power of forgiveness, and the need to keep a sense of humour!
I have a degree in that!
It's from the Canine Studies University - I majored in Human Behaviour Management and Human Relationships.
I was a star student. You can check my academic record by googling Sunny G! (Otherwise known as Mama's cute black and white rescue dog!)
My lessons below apply predominantly to dogs – cats will do their own thing, and they have their own unique strategies to encourage human compliance.
These lessons in the fine art of canine communication are what I have taught my Mama.
Lesson 1: Food
The eyes of dogs are very expressive, particularly around meal times. Fix your eyes on your loved one with a look which combines adoration and admiration. You are absolutely sure that she is an excellent chef – but all food needs to be taste –tested before human consumption. Show, with your longing eyes, that you are available and willing to do this duty. Remain looking at her like this until she feels guilty and gives you some tasty morsels, or until you simply wear her down.
Lesson 2: Food
If you are tired of the same food, pretend you are not feeling well. Use your eyes now to look sad, lower your tail and walk away from the bowl. Lie down in a droopy fashion. The human has probably forgotten that you snatched a piece of sausage you found at the picnic ground when you were walking. She will worry that in your illness, you may starve. I can almost guarantee that you will be offered something special. I did that and got an egg whisked up – now I have an egg with my dinner most nights. This may need to be repeated every few weeks until she remembers to offer you a full and varied menu.
Lesson 3: Food
You are capable of removing the peas from your dish. Line them up elsewhere – she will soon get the hint. Even the small humans don't go much for peas.
Lesson 4: Walking – preparations
Once you see the special person putting on the "walking shoes" you need to indicate your pleasure and anticipation of a joyful time together. Scrabble at her hands while she is trying to tie the shoe-laces. Put your nose on top of the shoe so she cannot see what she is doing. She will understand that you are communicating your delight at the prospect of a walk together. When it is time to put on your harness, play the game of "Catch me if you can". This will prolong your special time.
Lesson 5a: Walking speed
If you feel that she is going too slowly and you want to run – then run! Pretend there is a dog up ahead that you want to play with. Pull hard on your lead. You may be surprised that she can run, even if she is just running so she won't be pulled off her feet. She is pretending to onlookers that she is fit and enjoys running – and that it was her own idea!
Lesson 5 b: Walking speed
If she is going too fast for you, then stop every few seconds. Use your nose, and be engrossed in sniffing something every few metres. Don't look at her at all, and also pretend that you can't hear her muttering at you to hurry up. This will drive her crazy – but she will slow down. Use your ears though. If she is threatening to go for a walk without you, then walk perfectly for a little while, and then resume your strategy. Repeat as needed. Humans need a lot of repetition to learn their lessons.
Lesson 6: Walking
If she is going somewhere that you don't want to go, then stop. Push your back legs into the ground, and stubbornly keep looking in the direction you wish to go. Make her turn around, and go where you want. She can't drag you along the ground – and definitely would not do this in public!
Lesson 7: Licking
This is a communication method that some humans love, and others don't. If she uses words like "Kiss" then it is fine to continue to show your love this way. Be sensitive to her needs with this one. You don't want her rushing to wash her hands or face every few minutes. And you certainly don't want to hear her apologize to people because you are a "licky dog". It's a special sign of affection. Keep your licks for very special treats and for very special humans.
Lesson 8: Cuddles and Sitting on Human Knees
Be polite. Place one or both paws tenderly on her legs, while looking at her with those same loving eyes as in Lesson 1. If you are not too big, they will usually respond. That way you may have access to her Zoom sessions (and others will admire and love you), and also to her computer for when you want to write your own stories.
Lesson 9: Barking
It is best to only bark to warn your human that some-one has approached the front door. Once that formal communication is done, you don't need to be a watch-dog any more. Make friends with all and sundry. If it is a burglar he will be busy patting you to keep you quiet, and will forget what he came for.
Lesson 10a: Saying good morning
If you need to go outside, your best communication method is to wake up your human by quietly approaching the bed, then stand up on your hind legs and tap your front feet persistently on the bed right next to her head until she wakes. Why should you have to use your doggy door all by yourself? Your human is a big part of your life, and you enjoy the early morning company.
Lesson 10b: Saying good-night
Walk up to your special human, and place your body on her feet. Then roll over for a tummy rub. Insist that your person gives you the quality time you deserve – and the quantity.
Finally, remember that you have a lot to gain by communicating well with your loved one.
And don’t' forget to smile! A cute smile will earn you instant forgiveness for whatever you may need it for.
You are also communicating the need of the power of forgiveness, and the need to keep a sense of humour!
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Not sure whether to classify this as Fiction or Non-Fiction!
Club entry for the "Communication" event in "Animal Crackers". Locate a writing club.
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