Long, long ago, there was a pervasive ad on NZ TV for a new non-alcoholic drink called Claytons - :"The drink you have when you're not having a drink,"

I don't believe the product itself ever really caught on, but the wording in the ad certainly survived and thrived and is regularly applied to anything that is a fake, a hoax - forever to be labelled as a Claytons.

Which brings me to the two recent peace deals which are among the more absurd pieces of nonsense perpetrated by the Trump administration - and believe me, that's really saying something.

First we had the Middle East peace deal. Set against years of favoritism towards Israel and 'negotiated' by Trump's jewish son in law, the deal basically gives Israel everything it wants including carte blanche to annex more territory. The Palestinians basically get nothing in return - not surprising since they steadfastly refused to take part in such a farce.

Then there is the peace plan for Afghanistan. This is even more mirth-provoking (at least it would be if it weren't for the potentially deadly consequences). Once again, one of the parties is totally left out of the deal. It's like the real estate agent negotiated with a buyer for the sale of your house without even consulting you to see if you wanted to sell.

So the US negotiated with what is basically a terrorist group, the Taliban, and has come to an arrangement with them with no input from the legitimate government of Afghanistan. The Taliban, unsurprisingly, have gleefully accepted, with a view to getting American forces out so they can once again impose rule by force over the largely defenceless population.

Needless to say, these two Claytons deals serve another purpose for Trump. The huge gift to Israel ensures that he gets a reward from Jewish voters in November. The Afghanistan surrender possibly allows him to claim that he is fulfilling his promise to bring US troops home.

I understand Trump doesn't drink. Well maybe he has a Claytons. Just imagine what he could accomplish if he touched the hard stuff!