Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm not sure you'll get this letter. I sure hope you do. This place is HELL and it gets worse every day. The days drag on so slowly and each one is an eternity. The guards are real monsters and have no mercy for anyone. I spend my days in a small dark damp cell listening to other inmates scream, moan, and plead. My thoughts are constantly of home and what I could have done to stay out of this place.

I don't blame anyone but myself. If I had only listened to reason, and got some help like you tried to get me to do. I was stupid to think I could come off the hard drugs by myself and "everything would be okay." You tried to pull me back into reality but it seems I only fell deeper into my own isolation with each of your attempts. Drinking beer helped me unwind each day but it, too, led me down a drunken path.

Maybe, the night it happened would have been different if I had not been so drunk and hurt. Finding out your wife of seventeen years is cheating on you is a hard thing to swallow drunk or sober. "How could she throw away our three kids and our life so easily?" Mom, you know I loved that woman. Sure, we had our bad times and my temper had gotten away from me on a few occasions. She always forgave me and took me back. This time, I knew, it was over as far as she was concerned.

Christmas is supposed to be a happy time. I felt only pain and loneliness that night. Yes, I know you and Dad had both tried to get me to come home for Christmas. Instead, I sat at home drinking all day and wallowing in pity for myself. Then I got the idea. I told myself I would go out to the house one more time and, this time, she would listen to my reasoning. When I got there she would not open the door. I spoke softly and sweet but she got nastier and told me to leave. I wanted to see my children, I wanted to talk her into taking me back. I got mad. I went out to my truck and got my shotgun. I never intended to hurt her or the kids. Please believe me. I shot at the back door. She called the cops. I left.

Dad, I drove down the road about two miles to a place she and I used to park when we were dating. I was drunk and crying. "Why had I done something so stupid?" I knew the cops would pick me up and I would be headed back to prison. That was not going to happen. Two times in prison for drugs...I was not going back! So, Dad, I took that shotgun that was lying over in the seat next to me and put it under my chin. The moon was shining so full and bright. I had not noticed this before. It was so quiet, I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. I felt hopeless. I felt I could not live the rest of my life feeling this much pain and hopelessness.

So, I squeezed the trigger. A loud bomb exploded in my ears. I instantly realized what I had done and regretted the decision to end my life. It was too late. The angels appeared to carry me away. Dad and Mom, I love you. I regret causing you so much pain. I didn't think anyone loved me...now, I know it was a lie from the master of liars. Please watch over my children. Tell them I love them and am so sorry I will not be there to raise them. Teach them that suicide is not the answer. I will always love you. I am so sorry.
Your son,