Your neighbour's thrown some piece of crap over the adjoining fence. Don't just lob it back - add some interest - maybe a rusty old bolt that's bound to take chunks out of his mower blades next time he does the lawns.

That other, unruly mob out the back have a baby that seems to start screaming every time you feel like a nap. A little Ride of the Valkyries at full volume about 2am ought to fix their potatoes. Hell, you might as well head on down to the hi-fi store and pick yourself up a set of those ginormous speakers - never know when you might need them.

Sales-guy looking down his nose because you don't know a woofer from a yapper or you're too long in the tooth to understand blue-tooth? That's OK - let him get all the kit up to the counter and bagged up and rung up and then come up with, "You know what? I've changed my mind."

Your boss lays into you for being late, even though you had a darn good excuse - late night with Wagner. Slip into slo-mo mode for the rest of the week and rat him out to every colleague you can buttonhole around the water-cooler.

You're toiling over a hot stove when your dearly-beloved arrives home late, again. This one's a no-brainer - he gets the tough steak and the burnt potatoes and the 'sorry, I have a headache' every night for the next week.

Some swine on this writing site you belong to been a bit unkind about your latest baby? You know what to do - look up his last three pieces and tear them to shreds. That's what those one-star ratings are for, right?

There. Now the world's a better place!