My brother has been gone from this earth almost five years. It still doesn't seem real to me. Oh, I went to his funeral. I know exactly where his body is laid to rest. But why hasn't his death sank into my mind? Maybe, because I'm not that strong. You see...I loved him so much. I still cannot wrap myself around the fact he had lung and brain cancer. He was given nine months. He lived eight.

I try to always think of him being at home still enjoying his yard, planting flowers and watching the birds while stroking his cat in his lap from his favorite seat on his front porch.

I still remember his last visit to my home. He and his wife were on their way to see the Grand Canyon for the first time. They were so excited with so many plans. He loved to travel, too. He loved his job working for the lock system in Louisiana. At the age of fifty-seven he still felt it would be a few more years, then he would retire and see "some things". We laughed and joked about me tagging along with them.

How little we knew that there wouldn't be any more years for him. No more trips, no more watching the sunset or sunrise, no more planting his beloved flowers. No more anything here on earth. Don't think for one moment that my brother is not somewhere enjoying himself. He was just that kind of man. He enjoyed his life and the people around him enjoyed him. In fact, his wife reported the night he died (at home) he had been in a coma-like state for a day. She said she was asleep and heard loud laughing coming from the living room where his bed was located. She went to investigate. He was laughing with abandonment holding up his arms as if to be lifted up as a little child. Then he died.

It seems that death always does it's job. It sure gives perspective to life. The message/lesson I get from all of this pain is: don't waste a moment of this life. It is a precious gift, and we never know when our time will be up. I sure hope when I go...I can leave this world laughing.

Today I'm just missing my brother.

A poem I wrote in May (the month he died)

Lord this day started out the usual way.
My eyes opened slowly to a pre-dawn room
Then I realized it was another day.

Another chance to make things right
Opportunities all around
Just walking in your light.

All thru the day
My emotions soared
Just moments some would say.

Just another ordinary day
How blessed I feel
This last day of May.

Now the end of this day has come
And Lord, I just want to say
Thank you, for another day, another day.