if you're feeling down and dirty
And your brain is in a fog,
If your missus grows quite shirty
And she fetches you a slog,
If your girlfriend acts all flirty
But she won't give you a snog
Get a dog, get a dog, get a dog

If you're downcast, dull and gloomy
And your drain decides to clog,
If you're flu-y, sick and rheumy
And your bedroom smells like smog,
If you feel you can't get zoomy
Like you're trudging through a bog,
get a dog, get a dog, get a dog.

If you've eaten too much dinner
And you're feeling like a hog.
If you just can't pick a winner,
All your horses only jog,
And your boss makes you a sinner
With the stuff you have to flog,
Get a dog, get a dog, get a BLOODY GREAT BIG DOG