I'm a poet for hire
To great wealth I aspire,
Though my rhymes may be dire,
My output's for sale.
Sweet sonnets romantic,
Great epics gigantic
Or odes sycophantic
To tell a tall tale

Cruel tyrants despotic
And sirens erotic
In locales exotic
All spring to life, when
Tales allegorical,
Verse metaphorical,
Sagas historical
Flow from my pen.

Tall, acrobatic,
Yet quaintly erratic,
But still charismatic,
My hero attends
To vile villains vicious
Who, slyly capricious,
Snare damsels delicious
For their wicked ends.

When simmering tensions
In future dimensions
Cause caustic dissensions
And stellar dispute,
My tone grows didactic
As intergalactic
Quarrels climactic
Bear bitter-sweet fruit.

In lines adjectival,
Staunch hero and rival
Both strive for survival
In cliff-hanging scenes.
My plot-lines tangential
Explore the potential
Of life existential
(Whatever that means!)

Now coy maidens quivering,
Shaking and shivering,
Kiss brave knights delivering
Them from their chains.
In sex scenes fantastic,
Blonde bombshells gymnastic
Tempt young priests monastic
And bonk out their brains.

Psychopaths messing
In matters distressing;
Police are all guessing
Just who will be next.
Lolitas pubescent
Seek pleasure incessant;
Not yet adolescent,
But way over-sexed.

Protagonists mystical,
Coldly logistical
Or egotistical,
For stardom they vie
With brigands piratical,
Professors grammatical
And zealots fanatical
Eager to die.

Vamps vitriolic
And bumpkins bucolic
Or shamans symbolic
Appear on my pad.
Or, here is the miracle,
I can wax lyrical,
Sweet or satirical,
Funny or sad.

Kiddies' quotes comical,
Jokes anatomical,
Epigrams economical -
No extra charge.
Haiku embryonic,
Adventures Byronic
Or musings Miltonic
Writ little or large.

Your boss needs appeasing,
Your missus needs pleasing,
Your conscience needs easing,
I'll give it a shot.
Your love life's in tatters,
No zing when it matters,
I'll serve it on platters,
Marked spicy and hot.

Poems prophetic,
Athletic, pathetic;
My mind is frenetic,
My pen is on fire.
Don't give me your gratitude;
That's just a platitude.
Reader pays is my attitude -
I'm a poet for hire.