I think my best Valentine's day was way back in sixth grade where we made those macaroni Valentine's day cards for our parents, and had a whole stack of cards to drop off in our opposites' bags taped to the rails of the walls.

That year I had a special girl in my life who afforded me the honor of walking her home from school. However, I had to suffer this from the other side of the street and not beside her, carrying her books for her. She simply felt that with my thoughts, that was too dangerous and I fear she also believed it would get her pregnant with child. For her, I told her, "I didn't put a card in you bag because I didn't think it would be right."

She bit her lip and said, "I understand." That Valentine's day harshness was necessary as I needed that slight of hand to slip the card into her books, which I think she found from her facial expression of both amusement and stern warning.

In middle school, the most common statement made to me for Valentine's day was, "Don't even think of giving me a card." It was a concerted effort, as was asking if I was going to the dance and then telling me no one else would go now.

With marriage, I knew not to forget Valentine's day because I knew it was expected! However, no matter how hard I tried to please, my gifts and cards never met the expectations or her demands. There was no way they possibly could and it reminded more of paying my taxes.

After the divorce, it was love that turned me into a poetic writer and I made many friends who turned things into quite an adventure. With one member here who seemed very lonely and depressed, I bought a carnation, photographed it and then Emailed the image to her. My good intentions caused in her both a hissy fit and a panic attack and I was harshly dressed down with terse words and comments. The next year, I splurged for a bouquet of flowers for a neighbor and while it earned me a nice smile for a few seconds, I think it only bolstered her belief of what I was out for.

All to often, I don't like the feeling that women simply find this gifts as buying them off, so I have basically not worried about things. However, should love and positive feelings once again dwell in this loving soul, once again I will think of them on Valentine's day. If for any reason, the cheap thrill and amusement of it all.

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