As I soaked in my new sauna, I encountered native faunA,

Bubbles swirled around my bum, but my brain remained quite numB.

Chilled as if by anaesthetic, my reactions were pathetiC;

Ducking, diving, round and round, I felt a thrill of fear profounD.

Even as my panic grew, I uttered swear-words boldly bluE.

Fearing this may end in grief, I somehow forged new self-belieF.

Groping deep I grasped the plug; freed the water, glug, glug, gluG.

Hopefully I held my breath, waiting for the critter's deatH.

In the suds he did not die; we battled on then, he and I,

Jousting for a life at large, intent as pilgrims on the HaJ.

Knights who hail from ages back have seldom weathered such attacK,

Like a matador and bull or yowling toms when moon is fulL,

Mightily I braved the storm against this foe of monstrous forM.

Never has there warfare been, more fierce, more deadly or more keeN.

Over, under, round and through, we struggled midst the soapy goO.

"Perhaps," I thought, "karate chop, could be the way to make him stoP."

Quite the opposite was true, I missed and struck the BBQ!

Rage erupted and a tear; my shouts awoke the neighbours neaR.

Spectators cheered for my success, despite my state of rude undresS.

Taking bets upon the fight, no saviour stood to soothe my plighT.

Upon my deck the crowd soon grew; one lady even brought fondU.

Where will this end, I wish I knew; I've writ myself into a steW!

X-Rated stuff may break the hex; perhaps a puzzle to perpleX?

Yet, "All must be revealed!" you cry. "We want to know the reason whY!"

Zip! Zap! Zup! I slew the liz-ard causing all this tizZ.