I hate Mike?
Mike?
That's me!




Canoing can be a funny thing, you simply float along and you may not notice the water is slowly going faster, or if you do it is actually a pleasant feeling until he see and hear the whitewater froth up ahead. If you're lucky you have a guide who blows his whistle and puts his paddle in the air. Something you can see about half a mile back.

Most canoeists go in pairs and I prefer the stern. Most beginning bowmen are told to start paddling on command. While this is appreciated, the stern-man can be stuck with a bowman that paddles like hell and exhausts himself, which either gets you flipped or put up on a rock. Then you have a bowman that paddles like hell and puts you on the rock because he didn't listen at the next command.

The last doesn't listen at all and won't paddle when you tell him to, preferring instead to get soaked by the stern-man splashing water on him. When I was the bowman, it didn't matter at all because I was a three foot five, fifty pound flyweight in the canoe of the heaviest person there, the scoutmaster. With the front of the canoe eight inches above the water, I was either getting yelled at for not being able to paddle, or for almost falling out of a canoe paddling.

In relation to canoing, Norman from scouts and I were the best team, we were almost A-sexual in that either could be bowman or stern. We also knew that with either a push or pull of the paddle toward the canoe, the bowman could do a lot to keep the canoe off of the rocks. Of course, brains or common sense had nothing to do with it because our cheap thrill was paddling up the rapids.

In going in a canoe alone, you sit in the middle and in shooting the rapids, knowing when to switch to the other side of the canoe, or what stroke to use is crucial to avoid catastrophe. Of course this is a matter of practice and trial and error, with common sense somehow finding its place. The funny thing, it isn't your arms that usually get sore, it's your legs from having to be pressed against the gunwales.

When you have done all right, you look spectacular in other's eyes. But nature usually has something different in store for you. There are those times when you can't avoid screwing up, flip out of the canoe and have to figure out a way to navigate yourself down the rapids without getting broke up or caught on something; and in that bastion of safety, the canoe seems to become a monster that loves gunning for you.

Now most rivers have guide books that map out the course of the river and denote obstacles, but even in the course of a day, mother nature can throw a flood that completely changes the river's features rendering that map basically useless. One only has so much desire to shoot the rapids, which build in intensively as you float down river.

Earlier in my marriage, I felt that I should have purchased a kayak instead. Now I felt that I did a stupid and let the canoe drift away, and to see myself down stream and home I now had to build a narrow raft out of logs. I feared only one word, "Deliverance."

"Damn right you're lost!"



One of the harder things for me to watch was seeing Katie's frustration in dealing with and failing ninth grade. It wasn't that I idly sat by and wanted this to happen, but whenever I tried to help her, she would become angry and scream for me to get away. Likewise, Rita told me to stay away from her as I didn't have any skills to teach. Then how could I instruct on life and death courses such as the High Adventure program in scouts?

She had to attend summer school and I was amazed that she completed that part of the program, but she still needed to retake Algebra I, during the next year. In August, I was asked to attend to go with Rita to a meeting to see if she qualifies for IEP (special education) under, "The No Child Left Behind Act," which passed in 2001.

When George Bush proposed it, I was wrapped up in the ideologically based, philosophical ideals that were presented; but talk radio presented the facts that it was more about the money. Pretty soon even with the proponents for the act, that was what it all became about. To me, the way it was structured, it was nothing more than a payoff to teachers and the local school systems and a boondoggle for the taxpayer.

I remember Bush, Ted Kennedy and the other proponents together at the signing and how great it was for the local school system to get the money to enact it. Then Kennedy immediately started spouting comments and criticisms toward Bush, such as righting the wrongs of Republicans as well personal disrespectful quips directly at Bush. I was irate for two reasons, first for Kennedy's disrespect and political opportunism; and the fact that Bush stood there like a doofus who just took it.

My response would have been, "Wait a minute, Ted, you're a real fucking asshole and think the American people are stupid. I sponsored the bill and you pigs in the senate took out the meat and bones of helping the students directly and left only the financial marrow for the school systems."

"Why's everybody shocked at me and not Ted. That was exactly what he intended to do to me. It's a shame this Texas boy can't settle this outside like men. That's why Ted has to quip like a coward."

Personally on the way to Katie's meeting, I was hoping that I was wrong about the No Child Left Behind Act. The meeting basically started with the IEP professional stating that Katie has failed Algebra and can be classified as IEP Algebra I, but since she has to take Algebra II concurrently, and hasn't failed that yet, she has to take them as regular classes. I was shocked at this.

"Excuse, I am not convinced that she should be taking Algebra at all, because really she did a wonderful job of getting out of the IEP program. She is behind the average student's knowledge; how about a year of math where she better learns how to calculate more basic math problems first and gains the necessary skills; perhaps a business math class?"

The teacher gasped, "Mr. Kohlman, that is not how we do things here. We're a science and technology school and that's what she has to conform to."

"I understand that as part of the magnet program, but what about the general school population who won't need such specific skills?"

"Mr. Kohlman, we don't do things that way here. Besides, this meeting is strictly about The No Child Left Behind Act so we can qualify to get those funds."

"What about a couple electives, so she can do something to enjoy being at school, and do something that she knows."

"Katie is behind in the program, so there is no time on electives for her. We are giving her what she needs to complete in order to graduate and get her diploma." I wondered, why in the hell was I here in the first place.

Rita thanked me for making a scene, but I was looking at Katie's best interest and being her advocate. My fears were, taking both Algebras took up four periods a day and thought it was ridiculous for Katie to be taking a more advanced Algebra, when she not only failed to complete Algebra I, she hasn't mastered basic math calculations. The rest of the day was filled with required courses, which she also had trouble with and I knew without no way to blow off steam or have a little fun, her being stuck in that environment would lead to trouble.

It also reaffirmed that talk radio was 100% on the mark and The No Child Left Behind Act was everything about the money, and nothing about the student. The IEP counselor was nothing more than a county pencil pusher, to figure out how a student can land them more money. I didn't see much care toward Katie, her situation or school experience.



I was also concerned for Jimmy; all of those little times with him I valued were gone. If I tried to get him to do something with me, he blew me off, opting instead for his video games. I knew I lost my son to the Sony Play Station.

Before middle school there was talk of him going to a magnet school that specialized in engineering, but his sixth grade year killed that possibility and he was at Parkville Middle School. His problem was he was failing; he kept his studies up to squeak by... Barely!

He was suffering migraine headaches so bad; he had to take off a lot of time from school. It seemed he got better for the second half of the day and I attributed this to the fact he was permitted to stay up all night playing video games. With my shift work, I would get home three or four in the morning and find Jimmy playing video games, getting an hour or two of sleep then being called out for school with a migraine headache, this led to numerous arguments between Rita and myself.

I asked him to go to sleep, and he would agree but just sit there and play the game, so I would go down to the electrical box and flip the fuse to cut off the power. He would go to sleep, but not before waking mom up and saying that I was being mean to him. That led to argument with Rita.

I thought that scouts would be positive to Jimmy and shelled out two hundred dollars for dues so he could join, not to mention besides me having the camping gear for three people, she wanted me to buy all new gear for Jimmy.

He was at Troop 26, in Parkville which is chartered by Saint Ursula Church. He joined because that was where his friend Billy was, and Rita insisted he be a "Catholic," troop. Yet, for the most part, Jimmy was skipping troop meetings and camping trips and I couldn't sell Rita in insisting that he go. Mid week he was home sick with Migraines and hadn't been to school and for the weekend camping trips, Jimmy preferred to have his friends over for sleepovers.

Jimmy said that scouts were boring because Billy got in trouble and was suspended from participating in scouts for a couple of months. Billy's dad, Dave called it like he saw it; they wanted Billy out of the troop.

There were sharp contrasts between troop 26, and the one I was in as both scout and adult leader, Troop 112 which was located across the street from 26. First, it was exceedingly expensive to get into 26 while with 112; it basically cost the price of one month's dues and year membership in scouts. While with 26, Jimmy got a hand-me-down uniform and scout book, 112 lessened the requirements and even pitched in with gear so that all boys could become scouts.

Our troop also made a great effort to work around behavior problems, so that a boy with problems would still get as much as possible out of scouting as they could. To me, Billy was no different than many of 112 scouts and we never applied such punitive measures. From what I gathered from the adult leaders, Dave's assessment of the problem was spot on. They didn't want to be bothered by such problematic boys.

To Jimmy, he felt that he was viewed as just another new kid and that things didn't really click as each of the boys in the troop had their own sub-clicks within. In relationship to me, though I viewed him as having become lazy and undisciplined, there was still that love and respect that I detected from him, just in a different priority then when it once had been. What made the difference in that proportion was what I missed the most; those walks back and forth to school.



Katie was still a different story and still very much an adversary, but something was brewing to mute that effect. Rita came to me and said, Katie has been saying you are doing this and saying that, "But you weren't home at the time?"

I congratulated Rita on that observation and once again, attempted to explain I believed that Katie said those things to start arguments out of insecurity, and using it as a way to see that she still could control Rita's feelings. I kept my mouth shut and didn't state it was because she learned to do that though Rita's behavior.

As a result, Rita was fighting less and less with me, which made Katie even angrier toward me, so she would say things that made less and less sense. It got to the point that Rita yelled out, "Katie, shut the fuck up, you're a liar!" The expression from Katie was one of shock toward Rita and sheer hatred toward me.

Though I considered this change to be a moral victory for me, it was also hollow in every other respect. The grace period my father's inheritance provided was over, not to mention that I felt most arguments amount to, "I'm not happy and you're not going to be either!"

I was tempted to bring my salary up to what it should be by paying off the profit sharing loan, but that possibility wore out, when the TV stopped working and I had to pick up a new one, something to be also a loan and was added to the utility bill, then the washing machine which I paid cash for.

I told Rita, she was on her own with her credit card, but being out of work; I was helping her to keep the balance current ... Until I figured out I was giving her the minimum payment and she maxed it out after the bank provided her with several credit advances. I then refused as I wasn't making enough money to pay the mortgage and utilities. I point blank refused and told Rita, if she could just cover her expenses it would be a blessing, so she started working at selling cars at one dealership or the other.

As soon as my profit sharing loan was up, I had to let the mortgage go into default and get another one. On top of that, I was selling my things to make the payments. I had prided myself on my gun collection. My first purchase a 9mm, Smith and Wesson; then Dirty Harry's .44; a Taurus Raging Bull .454 with two and a half times the stopping power of the .44 and a 12 gauge tactical pump shoot gun with side cars for a variety of ammo., including non lethal rounds.

Dad's estate added to it his prized Smith and Wesson Police special and a special Maryland Pistol and Rifle Association's limited edition Berretta .40 Caliber semi-auto pistol. Cindy kept the .22 rifle. One or two at a time, I sold my pistols but the .44. A couple of months later the shotgun and the Kentucky long rifle. Next came after many tears and against his dying wishes; Dad's pistols. Last was that Smith and Wesson, Model 29, .44 magnum. With my last firearm gone, I had the worst feeling in the world that trouble was brewing...

Not a week later, there was a series of fights and having enough, I was about to walk out on the latest one of them, when Rita yelled at me, "Yea, that's right, go out and get drunk asshole."

I had no intentions of drinking, but to head to Double Rock Park and I replied, "Not today, because today I am drunk on the Lord!"

"Whatever!"

I didn't want to run into another person at the park so I parked myself on a log on a spot of wooded property just before you get to the park through the back way. I basically completely broke down, and with my head throbbing and eyes aching, pleaded with God, "I don't want a failed marriage... Please give me the qualities that I need to turn things around and get a peaceful and functioning family. Give me what I need, a miracle or give the ability to work the miracle!"

That very second, the woods deformed as if a transparent person twice the normal size formed in front of me, but not like the visual distortions from a migraine; I would be hit with my second, "Burning Bush," experience. The first was with my mother as she was transported from the emergency room to the ICU.

This time, every cell in my body burned with that low, powerful voice, "I am walking away from this relationship." The figure seeming glided through the woods, but appeared to stop and turn about a hundred feet away, yet the volume was the same, "... And you do it too when you are ready!"

I put my hands over my face and muttered, "Oh, fuck!" I knew the relationship was doomed and there was only, "When you are ready," for me.



There was a new and disturbing change in Katie's school activities and this snowballed in very short order. She made a friend named Christina who was also on the cheer leading squad and while grades didn't seem to get her kicked out of class, skipping the cheer leading practices did. It was her new friend first, then Katie.

With Katie's friends, I didn't have a problem with any one of them, but I thought to continue sleepovers at her age was a bit much, but if I had a problem with what was going on, I only needed to mention something about it. It was always Katie that gave me attitude and a bit of lip.

But I met Christina and just had that feeling that she was trouble. I also expressed my feelings to Rita, but Rita told me that perhaps Katie would be a good influence on her. That was neither my beliefs, nor experiences in such matters and could only say, "Rita, about ninety percent of the time, it goes the other way..."

Pretty soon she was hooking her algebra classes with Christina. That brought about detentions, but escalated very fast to suspensions, which made me suspicious about the school's motives. It wasn't long before Rita got called in school to have a conference about Katie getting suspended.

To me, though I walked those halls; the school was vastly different. First we walked by the Junior ROTC and their drilling practice in the lobby by the auditorium. Down the hall was the old library, which was now turned into a conference/study area the door swung open and the basketball team filed out in a double line to go to the guidance counselor's office across the hall.

I was amazed at the fact that anything racially that occurred in my day was strictly bull shit. The first member of the basketball team grabbed me and said, "Whitey!" and pushed me to the next member across in the other line, he grabbed me too, "Fucking cracker!" He then pushed me to the next guy in the other line.

I only let this being pushed around happen a couple more times, before I put my leg out and swept out the legs of the player trying to reach for me. I was amazed just how hard a seven foot person could fall. I just stood there and not another member would touch me. The basketball coached walked up to me looking like he wanted to say something.

Before he could get a word off, I told him, "Don't tell me you didn't see things, because I saw you watching. If you want to make a big deal out of it, mine will become bigger."

Then it was in the office for the meeting, and from the administrator, I heard much more then I had been told. Besides the hooking, there was an attitude problems and Katie was also making threats. I mentioned that they should rework her schedule, but was told they couldn't do it. Seeing this change in Katie got the best of me and I broke down.

Katie told Rita that my reaction made her feel like crap, but from my vantage point; it only made her madder at me. She did her suspension, but as soon as she was back, she was hooking again with Christina and went up for expulsion. I was at the hearing, and it seemed that it was already decided and once again, the officials were completely uninterested in changing her schedule to see if that would help. It struck me; they were only there to push the paperwork and really didn't care about Katie as a student.

But with Katie and Christina hand in hand, I pointed out the disparity in Christina's treatment and it was mentioned that a lot depended on the teachers to enforce things. I got the impression that instead of working with a student through their problems and customizing a curriculum that would maximize the student's educational experience; they would rather wash a kid out of the system so they appeared to have better statistics and a more advanced student body.



That was great, now Katie had all the time in the world to lie around the house and do nothing, or to get into more trouble. Rita promised that she would eventually go back to another school or get her GED, but this was trouble for sure.

I basically came home, started to drink a beer or two, when all of a sudden, Rita hit the panic button, "Oh, my God!" Katie says she's not coming home... Mike, she's running away."

Then the next time Katie called, "Katie says she's not coming home because you hit her... She's with Christina... I got to call the police."

I attempted to talk to Katie, but her language and attitude with me aggressive and angry, plus Katie stated, "I just want to have fun." It struck me that drugs were involved so I went to her room and started looking for evidence of drugs.

It was a neat search at first, but Rita kept coming in and telling me what Katie is telling her, which was prompting arguments from Rita. "She said you abuse her when I'm not there."

"Rita, how can I abuse her when I am never home?"

"Oh, my God, Mike," She's saying you hit her and that is why she ran away. This continued with every phone call and I asked Rita not to tell me anything more, but she persisted and angered, I emptied the tops of her dressers and the contents of the drawers into the middle of the room, she when Katie got back; she would have to clean it all up.

The Rita came in crying and yelled at me, "Katie's not coming home because she thinks you're going to rape her, you son-of-bitch!" With that I karate chopped the Casio keyboard and sent that across the room and side-kicked the large color TV set from its table.

Finally a black police officer showed up and he was from the White Marsh Precinct. Rita explained things and then added, "Well Mike destroyed her room." He walked in to check it out and he had the look of total fear on his face and said, "I know the force you used to generate this."

Rita, told him it was the first time for Katie running away and that she didn't believe any of the claims, and for me to show my temper in such a manner. The officer asked, "OK, the goal is to get Katie back home. Mike, if that requires you to leave, will you do that so we can get her to come back."

I agreed and a few hours later, he picked Katie up and brought her home. Along with him was a female police officer from the Parkville Precinct; she was a very attractive woman with bleach blond hair and mirrored aviator sun glass, my only thought was, At night?

The officer informed us that Katie is outside in the car, and then showed the female officer Katie's room. They then brought Katie in and we all sat in the living room; the female officer remained inside and the male stayed out on the porch. It was pretty much like you seen on the show, "Cops." I wanted to know specifically why she ran away, said the things that she did and why she thought I was going to rape her.

Katie was nothing but attitude, aggressiveness and non participating except for, "I hate you," and, "I don't care."

After about five minutes the male black officer stepped in and demanded, "OK, what's going on here?"

"Well she was here; perhaps it should be best if she explains it." The female officer with no eyes turned her head away." I then proceeded to explain what I talked about, Katie's reactions and also what I want to know. I then asked the female police officer, "Could you at least verify that I am telling the truth."

It was a total shock that she like a ditz being hit on turned her head away again. The black officer then approached me and with aggression stated, "OK, I'm telling you right now to leave the house... You said you would!"

"OK, officer I am leaving the house because I promised to; but let me make one thing clear... I own this house and my name is the only one on the deed, the next time if anyone has to leave, it will be all three of them; Rita, Katie and Jimmy."

Just in case, I had a few things packed and basically wandered the streets of Parkville for a while until I called my sister. To be honest, I didn't want to intrude on her, as she met a man that she knew for a while, befriended and married him.

I talked with my sister and told her what happened and if I could stay over there until I wasn't so hot about things. Rita called early the next morning, "When are you coming back home?"

"When I am not hot about what happened."

It would be three days before I returned home, and that lead to another argument and I threatened to leave again. As soon as I said I was staying there, Katie ran away again with Christina and another call to the police.

Very late that night, we received a call from a lady and I picked it up, "Oh I didn't want to talk with you, but Katie's mother. I just want you to know my husband's planning to beat the hell out of you for what you did to Katie."

"What did I do to Katie."

"You beat the hell out of her."

"So she's all bruised up."

"No the bruises haven't appeared yet, but Katie told us how badly you beat her."

I couldn't believe that an adult would believe anything that Katie said, without visual evidence. I told the woman, "Look, I can break boards so if I was beating Katie like you said, not only would she be bruised up, she'd probably have a few broken bones and couldn't run away."

I continued, "Why don't you do what you're supposed to and also save your husband's life. Report the abuse that I did to the police."

"Oh you can bet that I will... Why would you want me to report the abuse to the police?"

"Well, not only is it the right thing to do, Katie has been reported to the police as a runaway and I am telling them you are going to report me for abuse." Upon hanging up, I immediately called the police and gave them the information, and Katie caught wind and ran from their house. She and Christine were picked up sometime later at White Marsh Mall and brought back home by another female police officer.

Once again everyone was in the living room and this time the female police officer said, "Look Katie, I know you are scared of your step father, but these are the things that he can't do..." I couldn't believe it, basically this officer and more to visit just took away any authority I had, and basically handed it to Katie.

Katie's running away would be an on-going saga, much as the police being a constant visitor to my home. They would come to take the report, and bring her back. While the female officers were removing my authority, a few of the male one's would give me the, "It's time to step up to the plate, be a man and take charge of your household," speech. The whole ordeal with the police was irritating as hell, as was the same with the buildup of threats from the people who Katie worked herself into the houses and Christina.

There was one male officer in particular who wanted me to aggressively take control of the situation, but with every idea, he told me I couldn't do this, or I couldn't do that. But the next time he came, it would be the same step up to the plate speech. I finally replied, "I'll be honest officer, I find your speech to be funny as hell because it is all of you who took away any authority that I had. On top of it, at this point in time, the only way I can keep Katie remaining at home is to build a jail cell in the basement and keep her locked up."

"Well, I see your points and having your own jail cell for Katie would get you one of your own." It was something that we laughed over, but there was an admission the system wouldn't be of much help either.



Many people that Katie ran away to who took her in, once realizing the problems, offered their house up as a sort of safe house for Katie, or a place should could hang to chill out. The devil in me wanted to say, "Sure!" but instead I cautioned against them doing that.

Yet they insisted and it would either be one or two more times were something seemed to disappear, or turned it into a base of operations before she ran away from there. Not a nice way to learn a harsh lesson about being a good Samaritan, but sort of a point of humor on the realities of applying a liberal philosophy.

Because of Jimmy being into troop 26, the fact that the staff or Saint Josephs church changed and its parish membership started to come apart a bit; we transferred to Saint Ursula Church which was right up the street on Harford Road. I at least figured we could get there on time.

To me the decision was one of common sense, as Saint Joseph's leadership had changed and it appeared that Father Moeller was overwhelmed with the building program and the congregation appeared to become a bit more distant. I also figured that with Saint Ursula being right up the street, so we would make it to the church on time.

I figured wrong and soon it was less of an excuse to be late in God's eyes. Despite the closeness, we still made just in time to catch the Eucharist and then immediately leave, and I noticed this happened in this church a lot more; it was a crowd that I was not to be happy being in, now in view of neighbors.

Rita as with Saint Josephs, asked for help for the family, but she didn't like it as they required personal information. Despite it all, the food remained on my pantry shelf and the financial aid that was given was much less then Saint Josephs, so the entire aid affair didn't sit well with me at all.

Needless to say, we made it on the needy family list and an adopted family for Christmas gifts. I was absolutely livid as we had enough in the budget for about four gifts apiece, which prompted Rita's passionate appeal for help as her kids deserved what she got; 22 gifts apiece.

We were assigned a family who was told to only spend about $60.00 for the entire family. It pissed the living hell out of me to have found out she talked them into purchasing a Sony Play Station II for Jimmy, the one thing that he didn't need in his life. It was for, "psychological reasons," so he would remain on par with his friends.

That family spent so much for ours; I took one of my framed photographs off of the wall, wrapped it up and gave it to them; I felt truly shamed. At Christmas I was told that Rita, Katie and Jimmy were invited for Christmas dinner at their house, but Rita didn't want me to come for fear of Katie running away. She hung around long enough to imbibe the Christmas holidays and started running away, the next day.



I was working when Rita called me upset and complaining about the way the police officer treated her just before New Years. He became known in my book as, "Officer That Guy." His behavior was such that most people would have lodged a complaint with Internal Affairs, but I preferred to handle things the way I saw my father first would first try to do.

New Years Eve, I was headed in that direction anyway to attend a get together with Rita and her friends so I stopped by the Parkville Precinct, which was now located in trailers as the fire/police station were being demolished and rebuilt.

I simply talked to the shift commander, explained what was going on in reference to the police officer, my family problems and then I was almost late for New Years Eve because he was also the range officer for the academy and we both enjoyed telling the other our range stories and adventures.

I understood the officer's reaction, yet it was far of base and not well planted; if anything they should have been directed toward Katie. He was suffering the frustration that his taking the time to write a report, didn't amount to a hill of beans and if he writes too many, they may interfere with him getting a promotion.

I was also sure that Rita's mouth entered into his response. The commander got back to me and told me that he talked to the officer, who admitted in responding incorrectly. The commander stated, "When I called him in and asked him why he was there, he picked the situation that got him in trouble right off the bat."

Needless to say, with the next call, Officer That Guy was the one to field it and he was not happy to come to the house, especially since I was there that time. While he apologized to Rita about the last time, he said to me, "I still don't see the sense of you reporting these run-aways. It just makes needless work for me and she will stop running away in a couple of years anyway."

"So if she runs away and we don't report it, and she commits vandalism or some other crime, we won't be held financially accountable for it."

"No you would, but that is a court thing."

"Exactly! That is the main reason we call to report her as a run away. Since you guys don't want to enforce the laws... And I know the reasons why... Her actions shouldn't fall on my shoulders. Besides at this time, her behavior away from home is something that very well might get her killed so there is urgency to report the running away. To be honest, I could stop this running away very quickly, but you all tell me I can't do anything either. "

I gave him an idea many other officers were doing, since she was a chronic run away, they already had a report made up with the information on it. All they did was stop by the house on the call, date and sign the report. The officers that did that were much more cordial and less of a problem to deal with. We were talking about three or four visits a week.

[This chapter continues on next chapter]