For me it was a combination of work, making money, Scouts, and nature photography as the centre of me and my place in society. Outside of a couple fantasies, there really wasn't enough time to think about finding a woman or dating. There were also the favors asked of me from my father.

Some weren't so easy to fulfill. He really did want to improve the situation of juvenile crime and public safety for the city of Baltimore, and took it upon himself to single-handedly improve that. With his suggestions being summarily dismissed, I asked what other states were doing in those regards.

A light went off in his head and he made the decision to write each of the States and ask them what they had done in regards to juvenile justice, helping troubled youth and protecting society from such. He was quite intimidated at the prospect of typing out all of the letters, and sending them out.

Though he lambasted me for getting into computers as much as photography, he was amazed how much a computer could help. I typed the base letter and developed the data base to assign the address to each one. I told him that I was ready to go, and he totally freaked out because he had corrections to make, and unbelievingly surprised when I made the changes and started printing letters in five minutes.

He had also heard many of the states had a boot camp system for first time offenders, and felt that I could best create the example for our state. I came up with a complete sixty-three page outline of a boot camp system that had elements of being able to swiftly establish new ones to handle a surge in juvenile detention population. The state of Maryland was totally unwilling to either accept this or talk to me. Dad and I both decided not to include it with our report.

The amount of material that came in from the other states was staggering. We sorted it, classified it and then organized it for our report. With my section not included, I was more like an organizational secretary for Dad. I was personally touched and honored by every other state besides Maryland, personally not only did they take pride in how their state had succeeded in regards to juvenile justice and public protection, they really encouraged us to continue with our personal efforts.

It seemed mant people wanted to read the report, but no one but a few who weren't in any type of corrections loop commented on it. The media didn't even touch the report, nor comment on the failings of the Juvenile Justice Agency in Maryland. A long awaited reply, eventually landed us a letter thanking us for the report, but also mentioned they are working on their own study, one very similar to our effort, with the $250,000 grant going to someone else.

It seemed, I was spending half a weekend doing chores and favors for my father, with one here and there spiraling out of control such as it did with politics. We supported Bill Shepard in his attempt for governor, as we felt that he deserved it, but his almost winning the previous election sparked two women from Baltimore County to join the governor's race on the republican side.

At first, I believe the Shepard campaign was simply interested in the people who they thought would help them out the most, but would come to us as every other supporter got tired and left his campaign. I learned a lot about life and people in that endeavor. We held a fundraiser and seeking attending numbers, about twenty people stiffed us, mostly friends. My father and I shelled out the money for the tickets and gave them to a person who could get the people.

He walked around the room with the Shepards and made sure they knew all of the people that he brought, without telling them we gave him the tickets. Next thing you know, Dad and I were snubbed by the campaign as they had a real supporter now. Then they realized the man was BS, but the campaign's attitude continued throughout the election, for example the job of Baltimore County coordinator went to someone who could help them better. Yet the coordinator called us and said Dad was it.

In the end, Dad and I called the campaign and told them to leave us alone because we had our own plan and considered ourselves autonomous. Instead of driving individual signs around for houses all over Baltimore County, we decided to place our effort by putting the remaining signs at each poling location. Because of "Ellen and Hellen," he lost the election, but we kept those losses in Baltimore County, in keeping with the rest of the state. Something that Ellen Sauerbrey noted to us when we switched over to her campaign.

In fact, Ellen Sauerbrey almost won and it was so close, they believed the results should be verified and recounted. Something the Democrats and the media called the, "Sour Grapes Campaign," as the Democrats painted her as a racist for challenging the results. That's why the Democrats in Maryland are called a machine and the Republicans a club. No, that's not the reference to Big Foot, just an eight hundred pound gorilla that taught me a lot.

The only place in my life where I really came upon women was at work; even so, I never had enough feelings about anyone till I started gaining an affection and appreciation for one of our customers.

She was a producer and editor for a local AM radio show. The man she produced for was known as Baltimore's first hippie, and an artist whose Sunday evening show, consisted of topics like UFO's and Big Foot. The show also had a smattering of old radio programs and information shorts from the radio era. His wife also had a morning radio talk show for a short period. She did so with a conservative bent, but then would somehow tie it to a top secret conspiracy totally going off on a tangent.

Known as local celebrities, and, "radio for the next century," as I nicknamed them, they also published a newsletter for their show and a holistic health center we did the printing for. Through the years, I became quite found of the producer/editor and desire started. There were a few main problems with introducing myself to her; she was an infrequent visitor to the shop, and a very hard worker herself, as was I.

I decided to write a letter, so that if she was interested, she could say so the next time she came to my work. I did look at her fingers, but didn't think the ring she wore was a wedding band. I sent the show a nice letter introducing myself, stating my interest in her, but with my sense of humor and since Big Foot was a subject matter of the host, I included the story how I was mistaken for Big Foot.

Not receiving a response back, I felt that she wasn't interested, but the next time she was at the shop, I waved and she went into an absolute panic attack. I knew that wasn't good. A couple of days later, I got a letter from the company and was shocked the moment I started reading it.

It started off with, "You have asked out a married woman and should be ashamed of yourself!" It not only admonished me for that, it actually evaluated the letter line by line, as well the type of person that I was, including, "I find it of extremely bad judgment and taste that you would identify yourself as a robber and rapist for a letter asking someone out." That was only my thoughts in a particular part of the story, and definitely taken out of context.

It concluded with, "For a while, we have been experiencing problems with our jobs at the shop and wondered if someone was behind them. We now suspect you and if we find a problem with any of our jobs, we will immediately report you to your boss with this letter." My hands started shaking and I totally broke down. My mental state was replaced with anger and I ripped both letters up and threw them away.

Still burnt into my mind, was the letter and I realized that the woman talk show host had written it, putting in her special flourishes. I was no longer angry at the producer, but at the company for not only perceiving my intentions that way, but also for using it for a potential black mail scheme.

It was bad enough that I asked a married woman out, but it was now compounded with the threats towards me. She was the first woman I asked out since Jean's death, and I obviously picked a great one for the first try. It totally destroyed any confidence in asking another woman out, or even thinking of fitting me into the dating society in any way. This letter added to the feeling I was a total, societal fuck-up, as well as a disaster with women.

It seemed no matter how nice I was, or how good my intentions were, the simple act of introducing myself to a woman or asking them out, lead to the harshest of chides, panic attacks, or punishments. Yes, I fucked-up and asked a married woman out, but if I simply got back a letter stating that, it would have at least allowed me enough space to save face and apologize.

I had no intentions of letting this be used for either black mail or a sexual harassment case, so I had planned to quit my job immediately and without explanation; but on the way to work I thought of a better way. With a keystone about to drop on my head, I decided to inform my bosses. I basically walked in and said, "I created a big problem for you," and totally broke down.

They wanted to see the letters, but I told them to get it from the show as I ripped them all up. Still, I was able to give a thorough and accurate breakdown. I didn't think they would mention things, but I saw all of them at the shop a couple of days later.

Not knowing that the bosses called them all in to chew ass, the guy came down and gave what I thought was an explanation, not an apology, which was generally directed in my direction. "Being as famous as we are, we have a lot of fan generated problems and even have gotten death threats. These days it's very hard being a celebrity and you really have to put yourself out."

"Do you know why I have to have my name embroidered down my jeans? It's because I had so many sets of clothes ripped off of me that I want to give the police something to trace when it happens the next time."

I did what I could to hold back my laughter, and when a coworker asked me if I believed it, I replied," No, I think that is something he does for attention, any attention." While he was notable, he was no Elvis and I wondered if John Belushi had his clothes ripped off of him as well. Still, the experience totally shut me down for asking strangers out.

Dad's relationship with Nancy was going fine; in fact they stopped the chaperone and one now wondered if they should have continued it. They enjoyed going to dinner together, the symphony and church related activities. Dad also had Nancy and her family over for the oven-stuffer family dinners.

My favorite family member from Nancy's side was Aunt Thama, a high spirited elderly lady who loved her wine. Though she suffered with grief as she lost her husband Chic due to cancer, she still found solace and humor with the family. I really appreciated having her around as she reminded me of my Aunt Marie who had long since departed.

At times her two brothers and their families joined in, or invited us over. Irving was the oldest and actually converted over to Judaism much as my sister did, when she married. John was a born again Christian who was also a church elder and he had three daughters; one who was the oldest and was married with children. Another was the artsy type and Jenifer, who graduated in my sister's class and enjoyed doing foreign missionary work.

Nancy was a scrub nurse and ever since we knew as children, cared for her mother, Hazel who was never in good health and rather feeble. Everyone was ok with Nancy's relationship with Dad, but her mother and it was obvious that she felt threatened by his presence. Not in a physical sense, but one regarding a competition for time with Nancy.

Just mention of the word, "Lou," would put a bitter scowl on Hazel's face. If Nancy was gone for even a short while, Hazel would call for her, to the point of annoyance. If we asked her if she needed anything, all she would say is, "I want to know where Nancy is!"

One time, at our house this went on for about an hour, and ended when Aunt Thama stood up, swung open the living room door and said, "God damn it Hazel, she's out on the front porch making out with Lou! If you want Nancy, you disturb them." Hazel was not only shocked, she now displayed the look of absolute hatred for my father.

Shocked was an understatement for me, their embrace looked like one person with two heads and no hands. One thing's for sure, I wasn't going to disturb them and I walked over and closed the door on the lost cause. I couldn't believe it; Dad had married, divorced and found another woman, while I was lucky to get my mouth wet once.

One person seemed to know, even before any news got out. After Dad's divorce and first date, we visited Mom at the nursing home the next day. Mom hissed evilly, "You were with another woman you son of a bitch. You're a louse!" She then put forth a gouge with her finger nails that tore Dad's arm. I watched the air release from my father's lungs and the shame leech in, as Dad walked away.

"Mike, I don't know what to say. I know that nobody knows, but she does. I don't know what to do now." I noted mom's reaction, but wasn't surprised as she had a psychic factor within her which she had used to stymie many of my adventures. I calmly reassured Dad and encouraged him to continue to see Nancy.

Knowing the truth of the first date, and that Dad and Nancy hit it off, I was somewhat amused at my grandmother's cackling about Dad never finding another woman again. I also knew to approach my visits with Grandma with the mainsail reefed and storm jib up. That storm only took a week to hit, as several of Dad's neighbors informed her of Dad making out with a woman on the front porch. I paid a price with Grandma for standing up for Dad.

But there was another potential relationship that appeared to be brewing inside of me. It was over Nancy's brother John who had a daughter who was named Jenifer. Because of the adventure I had with scouts, I think it was because the fact that she did foreign missionary work with her church. I soon not only enjoyed talking to her, but looked forward to the odd time I could see her when she was in town. It struck me that she enjoyed talking to me too.

But it also created a boatload of fear, as it dawned me, it seems you always get into a hell of a lot of trouble with asking women out, you're crazy to even think of pulling the pin on this hand grenade. If dating almost cost you a job, just think of the family hell you'll bring down on you.

Still I loved chatting with her and the warmth that she had, so I went for it, "Jenifer, we really hit things off well, is there any possibility that I can take you out for dinner?"

"Oh! I forgot, I have to do something." She simply left.

She was off on missionary work a while, but once back we chatted again and later at the get together, I found myself sitting beside her watching a movie that her other family members were watching. She slipped her feet out of her flip-flops and put them on the coffee table.

My eyes bugged out, though I wasn't a foot fetish person, hers made an impression on me. Oh my God! Check out her feet, they're huge! But you know what? Mike, they're still very feminine. It wasn't making sense in my mind.

She caught me gawking at her feet, immediately put them back in the flip-flops and jumped over the coffee table saying, "Oh I forgot, I have to stir the chocolate for the fondue."

A few minutes later, her mother walked into the kitchen and asked, "Jen, what are you doing in there?"

"I'm stirring the chocolate."

"How can you, I didn't turn it on yet?"

"Oh, I'll do it!"

"No you won't, I don't want it turned on yet, now come out of there!" She went somewhere else until dinner was ready.

The chocolate fondue was for dessert, and had the usual fruits and cookies to dip into it; I was sitting directly across from her. It was a pleasant, chatty affair that involved the whole family, and everything was going fine as we dipped and talked. Then I saw Jenifer grab a strawberry, dip it and put it in her mouth. I fear I wasn't able to hold back on my expression, which was followed by her eyes getting as big as silver dollars as she declared the fondue as, "Fully filling!" and walked off.

Dad and Nancy were a hit and my sister and I both called it a, "Rocky and Adrian," relationship as the reference fitted in so many ways. While Nancy wasn't so hot up on attending Dad's political affairs and fundraisers, she seemed to tolerate them well. Dad did a lot of nice things for her, and one event was a surprise birthday party which Dad planned and held at church.

Jenifer was also there and we once again chatted,as she inquired how I could walk to her house so fast. I mentioned that I use Double Rock Park as a shortcut. She expressed interest in learning it, but also a fear of walking there alone.

"Jenifer, the shortcut isn't really hard and most of the times, there isn't anyone in that section of the park. When there is, they won't bother you. Hey!, I'll tell you what! I'll walk over and show you the short cut. Double Rock also takes you to Belair Road, and I would love to treat you to a movie and diner. How about it?"

"Oh, I forgot! I have to talk to them for a bit." She was pointing to an older couple standing alone against a wall. But instead of talking to them, she walked by, nervously waved, and said, "Hi." Then she found her own spot on the wall, and would look around everywhere, but my direction. After a while, I attempted to walk up to her, but she walked to another isolated spot.

It was a fairly short process of Nancy and Dad to go from dating, to a marriage proposal and marriage. In a way, it was a relief for me to have Dad leaving the house and Nancy's brother John helped with the move of Dad's bedroom furniture.

We loaded up the first load, and on the way over I inquired about Jenifer. "Hey John, is Jenifer going out with anybody?"

"No why?"

"I like Jenifer and would like to get to know her better and take her out to dinner?"

"That's nice of you. She is a slob you know? She leaves apple cores sitting on the arm of the chair, and her underwear's always on the floor. But if you want to ask her out, I guess it is OK."

"Thanks." I kept the rest of my thoughts to myself. You know Mike, having her underwear on your floor would be considered a good thing. By this stage of your game, I bet God himself would say, 'Good luck, enjoy!'

For the wedding, I was Dad's best man; which was nice because he didn't want me to do anything such as hosting a bachelor party, as he found them and their notion, morally repugnant. The wedding was nice and held at Christus Victor Lutheran Church, with Pastor Homer officiating. The reception was held just down the road at the Bowman's Restaurant, who we have long patronized.

At the reception, I got my customary opening drink, a Manhattan. I then saw Jenifer looking at the dance floor and with her being alone, walked up to her and asked, "Jenifer, will you dance with me?"

She yelled, "No!" at the top of her lungs and walked off, leaving me to face the entire roomful of people looking at me.

Startled myself, I asked, Oh God, Mike. What did you just say to Jenifer, 'I want to fuck you on the dance floor right now?' It seems like it, but you just asked her to dance.

Dad, immediately walked up to me and demanded, "What did you just say to Jenifer?"

"Nothing, I just asked her to dance."


"Bullshit! No one has a reaction like that with simply being asked to dance."

"Ok Dad, I said, 'Jenifer, will you dance with me?' I'm sorry, I must be evil!"

I walked over and got another Manhattan, and went back to look at the dance floor where I should be. An elderly lady walked up to me and said, "You know, I'm sorry that the girl acted that way."

"Could you tell me what I said?"

"Oh it was so cute. You were such a gentleman and asked her to dance.  Why? What did you think you said?"

"I want to fuck you right now."

"Ha! Well you would have thought so with the way she acted, but no honey. You were a perfect gentleman and said, 'Would you like to dance with me.'  Just stick with the good women, honey.  Not one's like that."

It was nice to be reassured and I agreed, so I asked the elderly woman, "Would you like to dance with me?"

She laughed and said, "Honey, I would love to, but these bones can't handle it."

Those words were really appreciated by me, and as hurt as I was my humor came out, "Well then, what about after the reception. Would you like to -"

The elderly woman popped her hands up in the air, then pointed at me and said, "Nope! We're going to stop this right here, because as long as it's been for me ... If I get you in bed with me, you aint going to be getting up anytime soon."

I immediately walked up to the bar and asked for a beer. With a stern look, the bartender said, "I'm going to tell you this right now, you're drinking far too much, far too fast and I'm cutting you off after this one!" He popped the top and put it on the counter.

"I just hit on an eighty-five year old woman."

He quickly grabbed another beer, opened it and slid it to the one the counter, "Shit! Your other hand needs one too."

It quickly became evident that there was no amount of alcohol that could dull what I did. With the church crowd being older, if an elderly woman didn't hear it themselves, I was quickly pointed out, and the story told. I cannot commit to writing, the comments that elderly women are capable of saying, or the proposals they made to me. There was an elderly woman, barely walking past me who said, "Anytime babe!" The whole place erupted with laughter.

Jenifer did dance both the electric slide and the chicken dance, and I tried them myself but there was an invisible force field around me because if I got too close to Jenifer, she took a few too many steps in the opposite direction.

Now it was time for the bouquet toss, and all the eligible damsels gathered to catch it. Nancy was excited and threw it way too high, but Jenifer easily caught it. Now for the garter, Nancy sat down and the DJ played the burlesque music.

Dad started dancing around and threw off his coat. With people cheering him on, he started undoing his tie and tossed that as well. The DJ immediately started to exclaim, "No Lou! Don't do anything else. It's the garter, the garter Lou. Take off the garter! Settle down and take of her garter! Well folks, I've been doing weddings for twenty-five years, and this is a first! Hopefully the last."

Dad took off the garter and all of us eligible bachelors lined up. Considering I was one of the youngest, I was told by a younger guy, "Shit, I got it all over the rest of you, the garter is mine!"

Dad zinged it and the younger guy dove for it. It rolled off his head, right into my hand. A few minutes later, they set the stage for me to put on the garter. There was Jenifer, sitting to receive it. Damn Mike, the woman who you really want to be with, looks like she just stepped out of the Adam's Family set. There she was, in high heeled clogs, woolen knee-highs, a heavy full-length wool skirt and a kaki blouse.

I took my knightly spot and was immediately told by Jenifer. "I'm not taking off my shoe, you have to put it over."

"Jenifer, you have to take off your shoe, the garter won't fit over your shoe."

"No, you're going to do this my way." I tried, but the garter would only stretch eight inches, not the foot needed for her shoe. I tried to get her to take her shoe off, but she argued and I got pissed off and used the garter to catch her large brass buckle and I drove it into her foot to cut it.

Finally Jenifer's mother yelled, "Jenifer, take off your shoe now!"

Aunt Thama yelled out, "What the hell's wrong with you Jenifer?"

I went to put on the garter and Jen whispered to me, "You not going to put it any higher then my calf. OK."

"Look Jen, the crowd is pissed off enough already. If I do that, they'll kill me. I promise that I will only put it an inch above your knee, but to make it work, when I say, 'I think it is stuck ...' you say, "I don't think it will go any higher.'" She agreed.

I was so happy to get it slipped past her foot, and I slowly took it to the designated spot an inch above her knee. Since she couldn't see me, I tucked my hands up under her skirt and appeared to twist my body around, to the crowd's utter horror and dropped jaws.

With gritted teeth I yelled out, "Jenifer, I think the garter's stuck."

She laughed and said, "Mike, I don't think it will go up any ..." Right then and there, I squeezed her thigh to her shrill scream of, "Higher!" The entire crowd busted out laughing and totally pissed off, Jenifer stomped off to somewhere. At least the come-ons from elderly ladies were replaced with pats on the back by the men. Nancy's nursing friends finally grabbed me and stuck me in the Conga line.

Aunt Thama walked up to me and explained Jenifer's behavior. "After you asked Jenifer to dance, I walked up to her and said, 'You should dance with Mike.'"

"She said, 'No, I can't, it wouldn't look right.'"

"I figured she didn't know how to and said, 'Look Jenifer, there's a lot of people who don't know how to dance. Just walk up to the dance floor and take a look, most people don't know how to dance; they sort of swish back and forth, but they still enjoy dancing. Now go dance with Mike.'"

"I could believe it, she said, 'No that's not what I mean, it wouldn't look right. The only people for me are basket ball players, but they're all jerks. The other taller people are such dorks.'"

"I told her, 'Jenifer, you're always complaining you can't find someone. I always prayed for you that you do; now Mike is stepping up for you. Dance with him, he really likes you and doesn't seem to be the least concerned."

I expressed my appreciation to Aunt Thama, and it really hurt me, such a woman would enjoy talking with me, having feelings as I had, but not even give it a try because of her height. Well, at least it explained the size of her feet to me, and it became just another example of just how little of a trivial matter can become a major problem for someone.

Then Aunt Thama got a very coy look about her and in a lower, hushed voice said, "Oh, I heard that you did something else. If I were you, I'd be very careful crossing the parking lot when you leave, or the Parkville Police will have to deal with the wildest gang rape they ever came across."

To me, Aunt Thama was the best, and had one of the most marvelous stories about dating, courtship and marriage anyone has ever told me. When she was fifteen, she noticed a much older man looking at her, and in a short while, following her. She was a bit scared over this, but was sort of attracted to him as well.

He finally gathered the nerve, walked up and asked her out to an upcoming dance. She said, "No."

"I see, you don't like me."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-two."

"Well, I'm fifteen and there is no way my parents would approve. If you wait for me, I will go out with you."

"When?"

"When I turn eighteen. Because you want to be with me so much, I will wait too."

For the remaining time to that age, Chic let her know that he was waiting as well. Usually in notes dropped across her path. She did have to advise him from time to time, on matters such as not putting the notes in the mailbox, as her father had spent the night looking out the window with his shotgun in his hands.

Sometimes, it got embarrassing as in his attempt to flatter her, spelled out, "I'm Waitin," on the side of a building. But it was reduced by one letter a day or two. Knowing that he did it, she had to find out about it. He was about to paint the last letter when the sheriff caught him. Because of his job and good standing, he came to agreement with the sheriff and owner to clean it up as he could between work shifts.

He also made sure that she knew he was working hard on their future. As she promised, they dated, and then married; and she followed him too, as they left the coal mining of Pennsylvania for the steel mills of Baltimore and a home in Rosedale.

I loved her, but many of Nancy's family members considered her an irritation. But to me, that irritation was a genuine love and the fearlessness of expressing truth. She never held bad thoughts long about anyone. I don't know when she lost her husband Chic to cancer, but she grieved as if it was yesterday. Yes, this irritated many people as well, but not me. I always consoled her, but wondered if there was more to the story that she wasn't telling.

Shorty, before she passed, she explained that Chic had a horrible form of cancer, and she took care of him at home. The doctor was amazed that she didn't fail, but eventually expected she would. The doctor told her, when she had enough and couldn't handle it anymore, let him know and Chic will pass.

The time came when she did, and the doctor went in the room and when he came out, told her that he passed. When she revealed this to me, she broke down, I hugged her and said, "I know there is one person who not only understands this, but most likely appreciated you doing that the most."

"Who?"

"Chic. No one wants to be a burden to anyone they love, and I am sure that Chic felt just as bad about things. I know there are times with Jean that she has to be by my side. While I don't consider myself to be psychic, I feel for a fact Chic remains at your side and delights when you express that love and tell your stories to others. He probably gets irritated when people don't understand them. I deal with too many of them." We both laughed.

It was nice that Dad was out of the house and with Nancy, as he told me to, "Enjoy and make full use of the house." I immediately did, and used his vacant bedroom to layout the specialized camping gear and photography equipment. I was satisfied with my purchases; most were made with my savings, and only about $5,000 was put on a credit card. That could easily be paid off in six months, and I could then save up for a vehicle.

It was only a matter of a couple of weeks, when I had finished making dinner and Dad showed up. "I just stopped by here to make sure you know I can still walk into this house any time that I want. I came in this morning while you were at work and saw what you did with my bedroom; turned it into your junk-room."

His face turned beet red, "I also saw that you finally organized something, your bills for the camera equipment. $18,000, Mike. 18,0000 dollars! That's the camera you wanted for photography school, it only would cost about three grand, what happened?"

"I'm doing nature photography and that requires much more gear!"

"God damn it Mike! I know you're worthless now! You know what, if you can afford $18,000 for camera equipment, I know you can afford a lot more now. Here you got off scot free with rent, and I am doubling it. Since you have so much money to give away, I want some of it, and $450.00 is still more than fair." He stormed out.

I spent the rest of the night sitting in a chair, in quite a cationic state, as it blew my mind. I could only think, Yes, I only paid $200.00 rent, but that was also why I did so many favors for him. I realized the opportunity and made full use of it. It didn't help I had just plunked another $3,000.00 on improvements to his house; stupid came to my mind.

I more than made up for the lack of rent as I devoted years of my life to care for Mom. I took over the guardianship, so he could be with someone else to make him happy. Why did he think happiness should be forbidden for me? One thing was for sure, that day stopped my future photography plans cold in its tracks.

This event also combined with the responses of the women that I cared for and asked out. Why is there such an act of faithlessness towards me, to where I can't even seem to get fair and decent treatment from others. One thing's for sure, I can't lose that faith for myself and need to be just as hardheaded as my father. Funny that he had to be that way with the rest of the world he tried to change, but I have to be that hard-headed way with him.

I broke a board with my head, just to prove it to myself. With a whole future section of nature photography killed for the time being, I would rely on scouts to be a helping vehicle more than ever. Hopefully those around me in it will have a bit of faith in me as well.