I love the television
show, "Man Vs Wild."
Bear Grylls' situations
are never very mild.

Out in the wilds he breaks
through ice to swim.
You might see this and
say, "Thank God, I'm not him!"

No, I am not accusing Bear
Grylls of committing fraud.
Just holding back on a survival
technique he should laud!

He's tough enough to jump naked
into water filled with ice.
But I started paying attention
because he comes out just too nice.

He doesn't come out of the water
shrunken and every shade of blue.
Or looking like a woman, walking
funny and in a complaining mood.

The channel blurs his naked
image so you don't see his thing.
But I swore on one of them, they
forgot about the dancing string!

Every man knows when that part
hits icy water, everything shrinks.
Having it slipping through
your fingers really stinks.

Like a snake escaping down a hole
with only curse words to extol.
Having a second belly button pucker,
will make you feel like a real sucker.

But tie on a sting, jump in with glee,
when you come out, one tug sets it free.
Like Bear and me, when you're done dancing about,
you will still be able to talk in a happy shout!

So remember in your survival kit,
to include a piece of string.
In dealings with cold water,
if you're a guy tying one on will 
keep you a happy thing!