When I was eight years old I stayed up late into the night my mother died, bargaining with God, praying He would restore her health and return her to me. When I learned she died the next day from the retired minister who lived next door to us, I had a defining moment in my life and understanding of God. I have never since prayed for a result. I pray for strength, for understanding, for those in pain to find a way to work through that pain, but I do not pray things will turn out the way I would prefer. For every person who has ever gone into spontaneous remission, there is one or more who have died. Good people, people who have prayed and whose innocent children have prayed. If I believe the recipient of a miracle has somehow been specially blessed or rewarded by God, what am I to think of the person who was taken? My faith in God never waivered when I lost my mother - I just learned that He works in ways other than making life go the way we ask Him.

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