Clerk: I should just explain that I don't actually write any of these stories.
My Grandfather invented an Epistolary Engine, which consists of the keyboard and pedals from an 18th century Church organ, connected by spools of copper wire to the left hand of a disinterred local poet, which in turn holds a ballpoint pen.
The Engine is driven by chord progressions, so for example I might play chords in a minor key for a sad story, and so on. The hand twitches along to the tune.
Unfortunately he wasn't a very good poet.
Sometimes it is very difficult to decipher the jerkings and joltings from the hand, and now and then I have to insert a word here or a comma there.
I should also just mention that Clerk is only my first name.