The snowman
please read author's notes...18 total reviews
Comment from Clockwise
I think the highest praise you can give a poem is that it was an entertaining read. This is precisely what you've done here. I especially liked your phrases of "secondhand snowman," and "shovelcrusted moon."
  |
I think the highest praise you can give a poem is that it was an entertaining read. This is precisely what you've done here. I especially liked your phrases of "secondhand snowman," and "shovelcrusted moon."
Comment Written 04-Nov-2020
Comment from Y. M. Roger
What a really cool metaphorical and even fantastical vision here, Tracey! You've encompassed bits of reality and painted a wonderful abstract as a veritable tribute to the miners... yes, the canary will forever sing their memory! ;) Thanx for sharing that beautiful mind of yours in your ink, my lady! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
|
What a really cool metaphorical and even fantastical vision here, Tracey! You've encompassed bits of reality and painted a wonderful abstract as a veritable tribute to the miners... yes, the canary will forever sing their memory! ;) Thanx for sharing that beautiful mind of yours in your ink, my lady! :) Yvette
Comment Written 14-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2020
-
Hello there, Yvette
Thank you for your genuine review and excellent rating, Yes! You understood it perfectly. :)
much love
tracey
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Tracey,
You're on a roll, girl! I love this poem. It's the death of the village snowman on a spring morning.
You successfully link a coal mining town to a child's snow sculpture. You make him come alive, and then die... so slowly, it's almost painful to watch his demise. Well done! It's terrific personification.
"No knitted scarf to keep in the cold..." ... (I caught that, "to keep in the cold"... subtle!) Excellent free verse! The best I've read in a while.
Thanks for sharing this!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
|
Hi Tracey,
You're on a roll, girl! I love this poem. It's the death of the village snowman on a spring morning.
You successfully link a coal mining town to a child's snow sculpture. You make him come alive, and then die... so slowly, it's almost painful to watch his demise. Well done! It's terrific personification.
"No knitted scarf to keep in the cold..." ... (I caught that, "to keep in the cold"... subtle!) Excellent free verse! The best I've read in a while.
Thanks for sharing this!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, Kimbob
I had been thinking about the miners here in the UK and the dreadful strike they all had when Thatcher was in power.
Thank you for picking up on that scarf too :)
much love
tracey
Comment from estory
I really thought it seemed like a celebration of imagination, innocence. There was a great surreal feel to it, a dream like quality as the snowman seems almost alive, a symbol of all we enjoy about winter melting away and leaving behind this canary. Its almost like our memories are happier than the actual moment, and this is really many times a truth of life. We find joy and escape in these moments of imagination, but in the end they melt away and leave us holding the pieces of coal, and the memories. estory
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
 |
I really thought it seemed like a celebration of imagination, innocence. There was a great surreal feel to it, a dream like quality as the snowman seems almost alive, a symbol of all we enjoy about winter melting away and leaving behind this canary. Its almost like our memories are happier than the actual moment, and this is really many times a truth of life. We find joy and escape in these moments of imagination, but in the end they melt away and leave us holding the pieces of coal, and the memories. estory
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
-
Thank you, estory for your lovely review and comments.
kind regards
tracey
Comment from seaglass
A secondhand snowman? Lol, is that the same as a hand-me-down snowman. This is a fun and clever poem. I might be tempted to ask what you were drinking or smoking when meeting this frosty character. (smile) Your author notes are interesting as well. thoughts of snowmen always rumble up childhood memories.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
A secondhand snowman? Lol, is that the same as a hand-me-down snowman. This is a fun and clever poem. I might be tempted to ask what you were drinking or smoking when meeting this frosty character. (smile) Your author notes are interesting as well. thoughts of snowmen always rumble up childhood memories.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Hello there, Seaglass.
The secondhand snowman is actually referring to the miner and the enormous colliery. Miners would be all covered in black coal dust, but underneath, of course, he was lily-white, also of course because he worked underground.
Thank you for your review and stars
much love
tracey
-
Thanks so much for explaining. It makes much more sense. I have no point of reference with mining as I´ve never been around it so this really helped.
-
We can t possibly know everything, my friend :)
Comment from CD Richards
I believe those ponies were probably Shetlands, Tracey, but I can assure you none of my six have ever hauled coal for a living.
I have never heard the term "shovelcrusted" before and a Google search for the definition didn't help -- not one explanation. Is it a visual thing, like the crescent moon looks like a shovel crusted with something (snow)? If not, what does it mean?
What this speaks to me of more than anything else is our disregard for the value of any life other than human -- to our eternal shame.
Your poem is very beautifully written, although its mood, to me at least, is quite dark. I find free verse exceedingly hard, but you seem to have created a first-rate piece without difficulty. Wonderful work, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
I believe those ponies were probably Shetlands, Tracey, but I can assure you none of my six have ever hauled coal for a living.
I have never heard the term "shovelcrusted" before and a Google search for the definition didn't help -- not one explanation. Is it a visual thing, like the crescent moon looks like a shovel crusted with something (snow)? If not, what does it mean?
What this speaks to me of more than anything else is our disregard for the value of any life other than human -- to our eternal shame.
Your poem is very beautifully written, although its mood, to me at least, is quite dark. I find free verse exceedingly hard, but you seem to have created a first-rate piece without difficulty. Wonderful work, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Hi there, Craig
You're right, there were many Shetland ponies used back then, but there were other breeds too who complied with the height restrictions.
The word 'shovelcrusted' I thought was perfect here. I was thinking of the coal of course, but also the surface of the moon and the crusty surface of the snow... so it covered a lot of ground here in my tribute to the coal miners/enslaved pit ponies and also of course, the many thousands of Canaries... all covered in a crust of coal dust.
I wish I could lay claim to this word, however, it was created by Kate Bush along with many others on her fabulous album entitled '50 words for snow' The word comes from the song entitled the same.
The whole poem is one of sadness and relief for both the animals and the miners. There was uproar during the miner's strikes when Thatcher announced their closure, and although it was damned hard work, these people lived in great communities in the local villages, but it came at a huge cost to life and living standards to all that went below ground.
I rarely write free verse poems, but I thoroughly enjoyed trying to write this. I might set-up a free verse poem competition.
Hope to see ya there :)
If I can do it, I'm sure you can too, dear Craig
Thank you very much for your review and comments
much love
tracey
-
Thanks for the great backstory and explanations, Tracey. Terrific stuff.
I'd be quite reluctant to embarrass myself by attempting freeverse -- something I've rarely done. Of course, if the subject matter was irresistible...
-
Mmmm...
Well, maybe you can suggest a few subjects that you find interesting so that we get to see your free hand at work?
:)
-
I see what you did there. That would leave me no excuse to chicken out :)
-
Pfft... damned lightweight :)
hugs x
Comment from LisaMay
What a wonderfully evocative and emotional poem. Such strong imagery, especially the shovelcrusted moon, the galloping colliery pony, and the canary coughing up black soot. A powerful social commentary on the harsh coalmining days.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
What a wonderfully evocative and emotional poem. Such strong imagery, especially the shovelcrusted moon, the galloping colliery pony, and the canary coughing up black soot. A powerful social commentary on the harsh coalmining days.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Hi there, Lisa
Thank you so much for your excellent review and top rating. I rarely write free verse but I thoroughly enjoyed writing this... I may actually set-up a free verse contest soon and hope to see your fine writing up there :)
Much love
tracey
Comment from Gloria ....
This is truly a wonderful free verse, Tracey. A secondhand snowman wearing secondhand hat. How apt that feeling of loneliness because indeed snowmen most often stand alone. Those lumps of coal truly did shine in the moonlight. I'm not certain I would have immediately associated this with the coal mines, even though all the references are clearly there.
That said your imagery is fresh, brilliant with a strong social commentary.
Just superb.
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
This is truly a wonderful free verse, Tracey. A secondhand snowman wearing secondhand hat. How apt that feeling of loneliness because indeed snowmen most often stand alone. Those lumps of coal truly did shine in the moonlight. I'm not certain I would have immediately associated this with the coal mines, even though all the references are clearly there.
That said your imagery is fresh, brilliant with a strong social commentary.
Just superb.
Gloria
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Good evening to you, Gloria
Thank you very much for your review and comments.
I rarely try my hand at free verse, but I enjoyed writing this :)
much love
tracey
Comment from Mrs. KT
Aw, Tracey!
What an exceptionally well-crafted free verse poetic offering that resonates deeply with me. My Scottish grandfather, Archie McNeil, worked in the coal mines - not in Scotland but in Nova Scotia and Michigan. I clearly remember him telling me about the coal, the donkeys and the little canaries.
Your verse conjures up strong visual and emotive images for me as it flows effortlessly down the pages of my memory ...
Thank you!
diane
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
Aw, Tracey!
What an exceptionally well-crafted free verse poetic offering that resonates deeply with me. My Scottish grandfather, Archie McNeil, worked in the coal mines - not in Scotland but in Nova Scotia and Michigan. I clearly remember him telling me about the coal, the donkeys and the little canaries.
Your verse conjures up strong visual and emotive images for me as it flows effortlessly down the pages of my memory ...
Thank you!
diane
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Good evening to you, diane
I'm so pleased you enjoyed my attempt to write a free verse poem--something I've rarely done as I tend to stick to rhymed poetry.
I can't imagine how hard and stressful it must have been for the men, pit pony and canaries, down there in the bowels of the coal mines.
You say that your dear grandad worked the mine too...
The irony of the miner's strike is a sad one when we look back at how bloody hard it must have been for them, and yet it was a way of life that brought with it a great sense of community, particularly here in the north of Britain.
Perhaps you could also write about the mines as you must have some interesting tales from your dear grandad :)
I very much appreciate both your review, comments and top rating for my homage to all those that broke the backs working down the coal mines.
Much love
tracey
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for the informative notes that brings new depth of meaning to your snowman poem. I'm moved from a surrealistic snowman poem to a commentary on the effects on humanity and nature that coalmining had.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
|
Thank you for the informative notes that brings new depth of meaning to your snowman poem. I'm moved from a surrealistic snowman poem to a commentary on the effects on humanity and nature that coalmining had.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
-
Thank you Helen.
I enjoyed trying to write this :)
