Reviews from

The Gypsy

a debt to pay

15 total reviews 
Comment from writer723
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was very interesting and intriguing. I felt drawn into the situation being described. Your words painted such a vivid picture in my mind. Great writing!

 Comment Written 19-Jun-2021

Comment from royowen
Excellent
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Is that equivalent word, "be prepared" Iza, it seems like it should be. A most imaginative story, and a reasonably familiar one, a lot of romance stories are forthcoming before the true stories are validated. This is beautifully written dear girl. Well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2020

Comment from Ben B.
Excellent
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"Came back riding on a black horse." That said it all about this "fake prince" aka the Gypsy's ex. That revenge was pretty brutal; I wouldn't call that peaceful at all! Well written!

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2020

Comment from Mia Twysted
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I like her strength and acceptance of the situation that lead her to her death. l was encased in the story from beginning to end. THe character has a way of connecting with your right from the start.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2020

Comment from teols2016
Excellent
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Very witty. It's nice to see your narrator get her revenge. A bit late now, but you wrote "felt in love" instead of "feel in love" in your first paragraph. Otherwise, well done. Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Oct-2020

Comment from robyn corum
Average
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Dear Mystery Writer,

This was an intriguing tale. I must admit, I am pretty confused. I never did get the actual relationship figured out. She was drawn to him, it was faith and love that put them together, but she was unhappy. Why?

Other notes:
1.) Title should be The (Gypsy)

2.) but no worries folks, there (are) more surprises to come, cestna pionerska!

3.) I am the bad luck girl, who (fell) for the awesome and fake Prince (who) came (riding) in(to) my life on a black horse.

4.) He was not meeting any of my (criteria): tall,

5.) He was just the charming bastard (who) made all the women

6.) I don't know how I (fell) for him!

7.) All our exotic escapades and the (wedding) went through my credit cards.

8.) One (piece of) advi(c)e for my girls: please measure

9.) What he didn't know was, that I had the heart of a (gypsy)

Hope this helps a bit. Thanks and good luck!



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 Comment Written 08-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
    Hi Robyn, thank you so much for your corrections and for taking a chance on this story.
Comment from palmart
Excellent
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Nice poem, describing how complicated could be the feelings and our human side! Great use of wording describing internal feelings and how the change with time and situations. The final part referred to the "return" to have " saved many other women from this cruel and greedy bastard". Thank you for the Russian expression explanation, it adds another point of view through a different word.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
    Thank you for reading and reviewing.
reply by palmart on 08-Oct-2020
    You´re welcome!
Comment from sandramitchell
Excellent
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I bet loads of women would like the ability to come back as a witch and do something not very nice to their not so nice husbands! Lol. I enjoyed this story, it was a well written, different angle plot for the contest, speaking from the victims POV was perfect. Really well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
I think I found a couple of nits below.

..oh my God, he was bold (bald ?) and had a beard. I don't know how I felt for him

All our exotic escapades and the weeding (wedding ?) went through my credit cards.

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
    Hi Ms. Sandra thank you so much for your review and the corrections, both are much appreciated:)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
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A very well-written mystical and mysterious story about the murder on the beach.


Typos
The Gipsy (in title)

came ridding(riding)

I don't know how I felt(fell)for him!

heart of a gipsy(gypsy) and

 Comment Written 08-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
    Thank you so much for reading reviewing and correcting.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your story is very intriguing and mysterious, but also has the modern twist of a greedy man who thinks he could kill you and walk away with your money -- money that was as much an illusion as his love.

I found a lot of grammatical and spelling errors, but don't worry, I provided some revisions for you:

the awesome and fake Prince that came ridding in my life...
-->
the awesome and fake Prince that came riding into my life...

You know in all the stories the Prince is mandatory coming on a white horse.
-->
You know in all the stories, it's mandatory for the Prince to come on a white horse.

But in my case, black horse matters.
-->
But in my case, a black horse matters.

He was not meeting any of my criteria's:
-->
He did not meet any of my criteria:

I don't know how I felt for him!
-->
I don't know how I fell for him!

Yup, the sucker got my jewelries',
-->
Yup, the sucker got my jewelry,

...like one hundred thousands, Americans, to be more specific."
-->
...like one hundred thousands, American dollars, to be more specific."

All our exotic escapades and the weeding...
-->
All our exotic escapades and the wedding...

...our meeting on that fatidic night...
-->
...our meeting on that fateful night...

pink, like it meant to be,
-->
pink, like it was meant to be,

One advise for my girls:
-->
One piece of advice for my girls:

Thanks God,
-->
Thank God,

It was like you guys, usually are saying,
-->
It was like the saying usually goes,

this Juliet will die alone!
-->
this Juliet died alone!

He put some poison on my favorite champagne...
-->
He put some poison in my favorite champagne...

What he didn't know was, that I had the heart of a gipsy and my death will transform me in a powerful witch.
-->
What he didn't know was that I had the heart of a gypsy, and that my death would transform me into a powerful witch.

I came back and lure him to Jamaica.
-->
I came back and lured him to Jamaica.

Here I took him on a stroll...
-->
There I took him on a stroll...

What comes around goes around, in a merry round, round underground...
-->
What goes around comes around, in a merry-go-round, round underground...
***
You brought the story to a conclusion that's kind of spooky, but at the same time, the guy got what he deserved.


 Comment Written 08-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
    Hello Mary, thank you so much for your precious comments.