Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Football Chapter 1 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
33 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Can see why Jeremy has a difficult time making friends. His mother seems very standoffish.
Big dogs do terrify some people. My Daniff does (1/2 Great Dane and 1/2 Mastiff. And as gentle as they come.)
Can see Katherine and Reggie getting hooked up though.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2022
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Can see why Jeremy has a difficult time making friends. His mother seems very standoffish.
Big dogs do terrify some people. My Daniff does (1/2 Great Dane and 1/2 Mastiff. And as gentle as they come.)
Can see Katherine and Reggie getting hooked up though.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2022
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I grew up with the sweetest Great Dane ever. Until a few years ago, I had a Great Pyrenees. A sweetheart too. I'm sure you've figured out there has to be a dog in all my stories. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Nice gentle start to the piece, establishing some of the characters and their characters.
Her yellow Labrador, Daisy waited by her side as she continued stretching. - comma after Daisy.
and her four legged companion - perhaps hyphenate four-legged.
why homes here have fire places.- fireplaces could be a single word.
Later that morning, Kathrine and her six year old son, Jeremy climbed into the SUV - Katherine, and a comma after Jeremy.
Good stuff
G
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Hi there,
Nice gentle start to the piece, establishing some of the characters and their characters.
Her yellow Labrador, Daisy waited by her side as she continued stretching. - comma after Daisy.
and her four legged companion - perhaps hyphenate four-legged.
why homes here have fire places.- fireplaces could be a single word.
Later that morning, Kathrine and her six year old son, Jeremy climbed into the SUV - Katherine, and a comma after Jeremy.
Good stuff
G
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2020
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Thank you for the help.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I'll keep reading your story.....some dogs do look scary when they are so big. As far as having boys, boys will be boys. They like to get in the action even if it's in a grocery store.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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I'll keep reading your story.....some dogs do look scary when they are so big. As far as having boys, boys will be boys. They like to get in the action even if it's in a grocery store.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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I'm a mother of 4 boys, all off on their own, three married with children, the youngest is still single.
Comment from w.j.debi
I like your characters and the possible love interest that has already appeared. I can't wait to find out what Reggie's owner's name is. He seems charming and he is definitely flirting.
Your writing is clear and easy to follow. Your story drew me in and made me feel like I was right there. Great sense of setting.
Only one sentence made me stop and read it again; it seems out of place to me because I felt I was changing POV from his, to hers, and then back again:
They continued on their jog.
Maybe it is part of the man's thoughts?
or add a phrase to show he is watching Katherine and Daisy as they job away?
Just a thought.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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I like your characters and the possible love interest that has already appeared. I can't wait to find out what Reggie's owner's name is. He seems charming and he is definitely flirting.
Your writing is clear and easy to follow. Your story drew me in and made me feel like I was right there. Great sense of setting.
Only one sentence made me stop and read it again; it seems out of place to me because I felt I was changing POV from his, to hers, and then back again:
They continued on their jog.
Maybe it is part of the man's thoughts?
or add a phrase to show he is watching Katherine and Daisy as they job away?
Just a thought.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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I will check that area. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from Ric Myworld
A mastiff running loose would be enough to cause a few heart attacks. And no matter how big of a marshmallow, the law says a leash. Of course, I don't know what good a leash would do in maintaining those huge dogs. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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A mastiff running loose would be enough to cause a few heart attacks. And no matter how big of a marshmallow, the law says a leash. Of course, I don't know what good a leash would do in maintaining those huge dogs. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for this review.
Comment from estory
Your new story seems off to a lively start. I like the crisp dialogue, and it also reveals a bit about the emotions going on here between the mother and son as they move to a new place and leave friends behind. The uncertainty in the air hangs in the air and creates some tension. I like the episode between the two dogs and the owners. One can see something of a caricature of the owners of the dogs, in the dogs themselves. The giant who might be a bit intimidating but kind at heart, and the nervous but friendly and warm young woman. estory
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Your new story seems off to a lively start. I like the crisp dialogue, and it also reveals a bit about the emotions going on here between the mother and son as they move to a new place and leave friends behind. The uncertainty in the air hangs in the air and creates some tension. I like the episode between the two dogs and the owners. One can see something of a caricature of the owners of the dogs, in the dogs themselves. The giant who might be a bit intimidating but kind at heart, and the nervous but friendly and warm young woman. estory
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I really like the connections you made. I'm glad you did.
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this chapter in your new book about a widow moving to a new town with her four sons. I like your concept of dealing with the transition during a tough time in life. Good luck with your book. Bill
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I enjoyed reading this chapter in your new book about a widow moving to a new town with her four sons. I like your concept of dealing with the transition during a tough time in life. Good luck with your book. Bill
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from roof35
I like the beginning of this story. It is well written with no errors. I am thinking a future romance may come for the dog owners. This is nicely done.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I like the beginning of this story. It is well written with no errors. I am thinking a future romance may come for the dog owners. This is nicely done.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from seaglass
I love these big dogs but am too old to contain one. Lived the chapter. Having raised a number of kids everything seems accurate in behavior and dialog. I sense a romance coming on.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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I love these big dogs but am too old to contain one. Lived the chapter. Having raised a number of kids everything seems accurate in behavior and dialog. I sense a romance coming on.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Lovely piece of Romance Fiction having lucid as well as PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting its theme in a VERY natural way.
Of course, Flawless.
Chapter 1 part 1 day 1 AND I'm sure it's going to be 1 i.e. 1st in all respects!
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Lovely piece of Romance Fiction having lucid as well as PERFECTLY matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and depicting its theme in a VERY natural way.
Of course, Flawless.
Chapter 1 part 1 day 1 AND I'm sure it's going to be 1 i.e. 1st in all respects!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Barbara.Wilkey, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
