I'm a Big Boy now
A boys troubles19 total reviews
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I think the message behind your piece is definitely be careful what you wish for. I could see why the boy wanted more attention, especially after his sister was born, but his longing for this came with a terrible cost. A well written, engaging piece. I enjoyed reading it.
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I think the message behind your piece is definitely be careful what you wish for. I could see why the boy wanted more attention, especially after his sister was born, but his longing for this came with a terrible cost. A well written, engaging piece. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2020
Comment from writer723
I thought this story was cute and adorable. However, the ending surprised me. Hopefully, everything will be ironed out and the truth will be known about what happened. You offered a lot of insight into the thoughts and feelings of a child. Very nice job!
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I thought this story was cute and adorable. However, the ending surprised me. Hopefully, everything will be ironed out and the truth will be known about what happened. You offered a lot of insight into the thoughts and feelings of a child. Very nice job!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2020
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is a very realistic account. You got a lot of elements into this. It clearly is filtered through a child's mind. The first part made me think he was talking about Catholic confession. As a child I used to tell the priest my list of offenses. I hit my brother...hm...5 times. I disobeyed my mother...hm..21 times...I hit my sister...hm...8 times....bwaaa. It all meant nothing. Just like a verbal form to fill out. No wonders I hate written forms. But for the boy here it was Santa. There is more I can say but this is enough.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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This is a very realistic account. You got a lot of elements into this. It clearly is filtered through a child's mind. The first part made me think he was talking about Catholic confession. As a child I used to tell the priest my list of offenses. I hit my brother...hm...5 times. I disobeyed my mother...hm..21 times...I hit my sister...hm...8 times....bwaaa. It all meant nothing. Just like a verbal form to fill out. No wonders I hate written forms. But for the boy here it was Santa. There is more I can say but this is enough.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from Mia Twysted
It is sad that this happens to too many kids. Older children don't always adjust well when another child comes into the home. They do not understand why the attention is suddenly off of them and on to the next child.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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It is sad that this happens to too many kids. Older children don't always adjust well when another child comes into the home. They do not understand why the attention is suddenly off of them and on to the next child.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello anonymous
Your flash fiction is sad heartfelt and well written. You wrote 703 words by my count and it's supposed to be 700 or less. I would double check if I were you. It's a fine entry for the From a childs point of view contest. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Hello anonymous
Your flash fiction is sad heartfelt and well written. You wrote 703 words by my count and it's supposed to be 700 or less. I would double check if I were you. It's a fine entry for the From a childs point of view contest. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is quite a scary, sad story. I can understand the child's POV about being a big boy, then a small boy, depending on who is talking about him. That can easily happen and parents have to be so careful not to leave the first child out. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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That is quite a scary, sad story. I can understand the child's POV about being a big boy, then a small boy, depending on who is talking about him. That can easily happen and parents have to be so careful not to leave the first child out. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, I'm a Big Boy Now, is at once bizarre, sad, heart-wrenching, maddening, and alarming. What goes through a child's mind concerning his/her self worth is cautionary.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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This story, I'm a Big Boy Now, is at once bizarre, sad, heart-wrenching, maddening, and alarming. What goes through a child's mind concerning his/her self worth is cautionary.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
What a powerful entry for the From a child's point of view writing prompt. I do hope this entry does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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What a powerful entry for the From a child's point of view writing prompt. I do hope this entry does well in the contest!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I must admit, I didn't like this story much at all. (The content - not the writing - let me be clear.) It was so sad! I know this happens, and I suppose it must happen all over, it breaks my heart.
I had a hard time trying to decide if the mistakes I saw were intention - because this was a child writing this - or accidental. But I have to think they were accidental, because a three-year-old can't write, right? So this would be something he would be saying, but certainly not writing out.
I've made notes for you below to help with the editing -- IF you care to edit, of course. *smile* You may choose to use them or just chuck them - whatever you prefer.
1.) Mommy, (M)ommy, Santa is here! Oh, (b)oy! Oh, (b)oy! Does he
--> a direct reference to mom- like this is her name - well 'cause I guess it is to him, right???
2.) If I scream, (M)om says I'm a Big Boy a
3.) She (left?) me here alone, close to the stove.
4.) Should I try to see if (it's) hot?
5.) No, I better not(.) (M)om will say I am a bad boy and she will
--> need to fix all the other instances where 'Mom' needs to be capitalized, please (direct references or where the word is used as a name)
6.) I wish everything (would) go back to normal. Me
7.) I guess I am drowning but (it's) okay (M)ommy,
8.) I(s) this a dream? Am I a Big Boy now(?)
--> I'm not sure why you're capitalizing 'big boy'
I hope these suggestions may help a bit and that you will find something useful. Thanks for sharing - it's a horrible situation, but we must all face the fact that this does go on and it's important to watch for signs.
Thanks for sharing and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I must admit, I didn't like this story much at all. (The content - not the writing - let me be clear.) It was so sad! I know this happens, and I suppose it must happen all over, it breaks my heart.
I had a hard time trying to decide if the mistakes I saw were intention - because this was a child writing this - or accidental. But I have to think they were accidental, because a three-year-old can't write, right? So this would be something he would be saying, but certainly not writing out.
I've made notes for you below to help with the editing -- IF you care to edit, of course. *smile* You may choose to use them or just chuck them - whatever you prefer.
1.) Mommy, (M)ommy, Santa is here! Oh, (b)oy! Oh, (b)oy! Does he
--> a direct reference to mom- like this is her name - well 'cause I guess it is to him, right???
2.) If I scream, (M)om says I'm a Big Boy a
3.) She (left?) me here alone, close to the stove.
4.) Should I try to see if (it's) hot?
5.) No, I better not(.) (M)om will say I am a bad boy and she will
--> need to fix all the other instances where 'Mom' needs to be capitalized, please (direct references or where the word is used as a name)
6.) I wish everything (would) go back to normal. Me
7.) I guess I am drowning but (it's) okay (M)ommy,
8.) I(s) this a dream? Am I a Big Boy now(?)
--> I'm not sure why you're capitalizing 'big boy'
I hope these suggestions may help a bit and that you will find something useful. Thanks for sharing - it's a horrible situation, but we must all face the fact that this does go on and it's important to watch for signs.
Thanks for sharing and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Hi Robin and thank you so much for the grammar corrections, they are much appreciated:)
Comment from Veenbee
Wow, I did not see that coming. Great story telling. You had me hooked. A lot of thoughts do go through kids minds and many things we say to them contradict. It doesn't take long for a kid to get himself into trouble. I felt bad for the mother. Now she has to pay for his big boy decisions. Veenbee
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Wow, I did not see that coming. Great story telling. You had me hooked. A lot of thoughts do go through kids minds and many things we say to them contradict. It doesn't take long for a kid to get himself into trouble. I felt bad for the mother. Now she has to pay for his big boy decisions. Veenbee
Comment Written 28-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your kind review:)
