St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 75 "St. Louis Chapter 32 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
17 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and taking the story forward in an interesting way.
Conversational part involving Mac's friends and their concern for her is particularly noteworthy.
Of course, Interesting!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Hello Barbara.wilkey,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction having captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and taking the story forward in an interesting way.
Conversational part involving Mac's friends and their concern for her is particularly noteworthy.
Of course, Interesting!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Barbara.Wilkey, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent chapter that is very well written with believable characters and an appropriate expression of compassion and providing security in a very dangerous situation. You definitely keep the readers interest from start to finish. Bill
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Excellent chapter that is very well written with believable characters and an appropriate expression of compassion and providing security in a very dangerous situation. You definitely keep the readers interest from start to finish. Bill
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from estory
Through the dialogue, which you obviously spend a lot of time on, we get all the motivations for bringing these criminals to justice for hurting Mackenzie. Your vivid portrait of her battered and bruised was poignant. We really feel all their pain. I think you could actually work in a little more background scene setting to flesh it out some. The dialogue is strong and I think you're all right with that. estory
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Through the dialogue, which you obviously spend a lot of time on, we get all the motivations for bringing these criminals to justice for hurting Mackenzie. Your vivid portrait of her battered and bruised was poignant. We really feel all their pain. I think you could actually work in a little more background scene setting to flesh it out some. The dialogue is strong and I think you're all right with that. estory
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara
Another super chapter. I'm just about to go finish fixing supper, but I had to read this first. --wink-- Had to know what's going on!
I only saw one tiny nit:
--> Trey shoved up his shirt sleeves. "I'm betting a lot. I think he's the big guys(') go(-)to man."
--> well, one spot with a coupla nits
Thanks a bunch. I think this was one of my favorite chapters! You're doing a super job and I'm getting a great feel for all these folks -- you may need to consider doing a sequel or a prequel for this one??
I enjoyed!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Barbara
Another super chapter. I'm just about to go finish fixing supper, but I had to read this first. --wink-- Had to know what's going on!
I only saw one tiny nit:
--> Trey shoved up his shirt sleeves. "I'm betting a lot. I think he's the big guys(') go(-)to man."
--> well, one spot with a coupla nits
Thanks a bunch. I think this was one of my favorite chapters! You're doing a super job and I'm getting a great feel for all these folks -- you may need to consider doing a sequel or a prequel for this one??
I enjoyed!
Comment Written 20-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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I have made the corrections. That sentence has been bothering me. I've made numerous changes to it. I think you helped me get it right. Thank you.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Poor Mac! It does look like things are coming to a head, and we'll find out why Logan's sister was murdered, and what's going on with Mac. They must think she knows a lot to have given her the beating they did. This was a really excellent chapter, Barbara. Well done!! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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Poor Mac! It does look like things are coming to a head, and we'll find out why Logan's sister was murdered, and what's going on with Mac. They must think she knows a lot to have given her the beating they did. This was a really excellent chapter, Barbara. Well done!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
There's a whole gang of these thugs, it's becoming quite exciting, the gang being depleted at an alarming rate. But Mack is recovering, it will be a tribute to her endurability in recovery. Meanwhile Logan was followed by five men, three he took out, two arrested, they're getting scared, well done Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : There won't be any scar(r)ing.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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There's a whole gang of these thugs, it's becoming quite exciting, the gang being depleted at an alarming rate. But Mack is recovering, it will be a tribute to her endurability in recovery. Meanwhile Logan was followed by five men, three he took out, two arrested, they're getting scared, well done Barbara, blessings Roy
Typo : There won't be any scar(r)ing.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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I have made the correction. Thank you for the catch. I appreciate it.
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Welcome
Comment from Sankey
Wow! Coming to a head with the drama in all kinds of places. The description of Mac's injuries was quite graphic, I almost felt I was on the scene. Excellent work. Just one spag this time. H(i)[e']s absence will cause
Not a spag just gives me a bit of a chuckle the difference in our use of words in the following...they continued to "visit" in your case meaning to chat with each other. Here to visit is to call in on someone in their home...just saying...
Suggestion in the following...I think he's the big guys (')go to(') man."
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Wow! Coming to a head with the drama in all kinds of places. The description of Mac's injuries was quite graphic, I almost felt I was on the scene. Excellent work. Just one spag this time. H(i)[e']s absence will cause
Not a spag just gives me a bit of a chuckle the difference in our use of words in the following...they continued to "visit" in your case meaning to chat with each other. Here to visit is to call in on someone in their home...just saying...
Suggestion in the following...I think he's the big guys (')go to(') man."
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the catch. I will recheck those other areas. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from rama devi
HA ha ha. I had gone to your profile to review your latest post and clicked on your portfolio and ended up on the prologue, not realizing you'd already posted so many chapters! Oh well. I've been fatigued lately...not my usual focused self! Ha ha.
Sorry I missed so many chapters. I prefer starting from the beginning but I can't review this many now! So I'm starting again here. As usual, this is well paced, driven by dialog, with fine characterization. Just a few spag nits related to using a comma after AND when the final clause is independent:
"That's why I'm here(,) and so are the rest of guys.
We'll help you to the bathroom(,) and Sheila and Joanie will take it from there.
McKenzie saw herself in a small wall mirror(,) and tears crept from her eyes.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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HA ha ha. I had gone to your profile to review your latest post and clicked on your portfolio and ended up on the prologue, not realizing you'd already posted so many chapters! Oh well. I've been fatigued lately...not my usual focused self! Ha ha.
Sorry I missed so many chapters. I prefer starting from the beginning but I can't review this many now! So I'm starting again here. As usual, this is well paced, driven by dialog, with fine characterization. Just a few spag nits related to using a comma after AND when the final clause is independent:
"That's why I'm here(,) and so are the rest of guys.
We'll help you to the bathroom(,) and Sheila and Joanie will take it from there.
McKenzie saw herself in a small wall mirror(,) and tears crept from her eyes.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you. I have made the corrections. I haven't changed. Commas are still my downfall. I appreciate the help.
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Happy to help. ;)
Comment from Ulla
Wow, poor Mckenzie but everybody is behind her and covering her back. I'm so glad she was able too have a shower. But I'm worried about Logan and those guys out there. Well written, Barbara. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Wow, poor Mckenzie but everybody is behind her and covering her back. I'm so glad she was able too have a shower. But I'm worried about Logan and those guys out there. Well written, Barbara. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is another wonderful, exciting chapter. McKenzie's injuries are bad, but should heal and Logan is in control. I am anxious to read your next chapter!
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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This is another wonderful, exciting chapter. McKenzie's injuries are bad, but should heal and Logan is in control. I am anxious to read your next chapter!
Comment Written 19-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
