Swept Away
Adventure on the mountain (500 words)7 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Haha, I laughed at the mention of the rock chasing her down the mountain, Mystery Author. I enjoyed your contest entry. Your packed it with good info, details, and imagery. The length is good for this kind of story. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 21-May-2020
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Haha, I laughed at the mention of the rock chasing her down the mountain, Mystery Author. I enjoyed your contest entry. Your packed it with good info, details, and imagery. The length is good for this kind of story. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 21-May-2020
reply by the author on 21-May-2020
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Thanks for your helpful comments... much appreciated.
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I couldn't imagine camping out on the side of a mountain. I would imagine that I would have reacted in the same way as your main character did at first. I don't think I would have gone back. I thought this was an entertaining piece and I wanted to see where it would lead to. I thought it was well written and flowed well, good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I couldn't imagine camping out on the side of a mountain. I would imagine that I would have reacted in the same way as your main character did at first. I don't think I would have gone back. I thought this was an entertaining piece and I wanted to see where it would lead to. I thought it was well written and flowed well, good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I'm pleased you found my story entertaining - thanks for reviewing it.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a nice story. It sounds wonderful. It was nice you were able to make this prompt into a positive and romantic fiction get-a-way. I thought it might all turn out to be political.
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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This is a nice story. It sounds wonderful. It was nice you were able to make this prompt into a positive and romantic fiction get-a-way. I thought it might all turn out to be political.
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I voted with myself NOT to write about politics. I'm sick and tired of the subject!!!! My territory leans more to nature and relationships, then while I was writing the story some romance crept in.
Comment from humpwhistle
A creative, unexpected way to deal with the 'I voted' requirement.
Chances are, most of the other entries will use 'voted' in a more conventional manner.
After her litany of fears, I was surprised she elected to spend the night.
I suppose I'm not a romantic.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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A creative, unexpected way to deal with the 'I voted' requirement.
Chances are, most of the other entries will use 'voted' in a more conventional manner.
After her litany of fears, I was surprised she elected to spend the night.
I suppose I'm not a romantic.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Thanks for reviewing.
Her desire for love was greater than her dislike of discomfort.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A glimpse into your life here and the acceptance of another persons joy when the trip brings nothing but sorrow, I have been up that mountain and felt exactly the same feelings, so I identified with your words here. This is a well written story, easy to read and enjoyable, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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A glimpse into your life here and the acceptance of another persons joy when the trip brings nothing but sorrow, I have been up that mountain and felt exactly the same feelings, so I identified with your words here. This is a well written story, easy to read and enjoyable, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Thanks for your comments Dolly. I've never been in a snow cave and sure would not want to spend a night in one, however charming the company. I think I'd feel claustrophobic and fearful of being smothered. However, I have slept in a tent up in an alpine zone and it was truly beautiful.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
The opening paragraph really makes what follows a little disappointing due to the fact it's a fallacy. It's almost like a cheat to try to hook the reader but unfairly so. It's like those old tv cliff-hangers which ended up being nothing of the sort, just a ruse to bring you back. It's a shame because what follows is well-written and very nice.
Sunshine made a halo of his blonde hair- generally speaking it's blonde for female, blond for male.
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi there,
The opening paragraph really makes what follows a little disappointing due to the fact it's a fallacy. It's almost like a cheat to try to hook the reader but unfairly so. It's like those old tv cliff-hangers which ended up being nothing of the sort, just a ruse to bring you back. It's a shame because what follows is well-written and very nice.
Sunshine made a halo of his blonde hair- generally speaking it's blonde for female, blond for male.
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I had to think hard to try and understand why you objected to the opening so strongly... which is good; it's always useful feedback to be told what works and what doesn't for a reader. It certainly wasn't written to be an unfair cliffhanger and I don't see it as a fallacy - at that stage she's just wishing she wasn't on the mountain; it's setting the scene for her antipathy to discomfort and anxiety.
I never knew blond/e had variations in British English - thanks for pointing that out.
Comment from Puzzle
Woo hoo! This turned into a steamy one! I loved it. This was really good. It kept my attention the entire time. I think it flowed nicely and I loved hearing her thoughts about everything. This is a great spin on the contest. Great job!
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Woo hoo! This turned into a steamy one! I loved it. This was really good. It kept my attention the entire time. I think it flowed nicely and I loved hearing her thoughts about everything. This is a great spin on the contest. Great job!
Comment Written 18-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I'm pleased you liked the way this story went... I wasn't quite intending it to turn into a romance but the character took over.
