Dinner with the Donners
This is a flash fiction story I submitted as a contest entry3 total reviews
Comment from Lucy de Welles
Exciting story. Moves along well. Conversation structure is good. Werewolf story told in a way I haven't heard it before.
Small suggestions:
"Dog blast it!"
neighbors. It was...
Found bio self-deprecating. This writer clearly able to write better than average. Better to say, "I'll master this craft and God and all these nice people will help me to do that."
Thank you for the opportunity for reviewing your work.
Keep on keeping on!
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
   |
Exciting story. Moves along well. Conversation structure is good. Werewolf story told in a way I haven't heard it before.
Small suggestions:
"Dog blast it!"
neighbors. It was...
Found bio self-deprecating. This writer clearly able to write better than average. Better to say, "I'll master this craft and God and all these nice people will help me to do that."
Thank you for the opportunity for reviewing your work.
Keep on keeping on!
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
-
Thank you. Great suggestions.
-
Cheers!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Enjoy a good wolf story. That is where I will begin.
Perhaps move They had the biggest... to behind in the 50's - makes the sentence more active.
The last paragraph is a run-on sentence. Maybe look at it again and consider tight sentences. Perhaps along the lines of Outside, across the moonlit plain, a weary backpacker walked the only road through Branford, Texas. He heard the strange, muffled sounds of faraway howls and quickened his pace.
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
|
Enjoy a good wolf story. That is where I will begin.
Perhaps move They had the biggest... to behind in the 50's - makes the sentence more active.
The last paragraph is a run-on sentence. Maybe look at it again and consider tight sentences. Perhaps along the lines of Outside, across the moonlit plain, a weary backpacker walked the only road through Branford, Texas. He heard the strange, muffled sounds of faraway howls and quickened his pace.
My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
-
Awesome suggestion. You are quite right. Thanks.
Comment from joann r romei
Well, Well, Well, some things never change, how have you been ? Glad to see you back on FS... this was a smooth read, looks like the neighbors were cooking up more than dinner.
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
|
Well, Well, Well, some things never change, how have you been ? Glad to see you back on FS... this was a smooth read, looks like the neighbors were cooking up more than dinner.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 31-May-2020
-
Hi Joanne. Thanks for the feedback. My hiatus is over... I think. lol We shall see.
