St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 65 "St. Louis Chapter 27 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
20 total reviews
Comment from BlueTiger
Great job on this piece. Your chapters read well and are easy to follow, and your characters are intriguing and well-written. The story's coming along nicely and I'm interested in reading more. No grammar errors I could find.
-BT
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
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Great job on this piece. Your chapters read well and are easy to follow, and your characters are intriguing and well-written. The story's coming along nicely and I'm interested in reading more. No grammar errors I could find.
-BT
Comment Written 13-May-2020
reply by the author on 13-May-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
You do a good job of handling all the interplay between characters, all the emotions, through the dialogue. We really see the dance of romance between Logan and Mackenzie here as they exchange comments on pictures of each other and dissect the nuances of flirting. It all comes off very natural and that's important for drawing in the readers and making these characters come off of the page. estory
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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You do a good job of handling all the interplay between characters, all the emotions, through the dialogue. We really see the dance of romance between Logan and Mackenzie here as they exchange comments on pictures of each other and dissect the nuances of flirting. It all comes off very natural and that's important for drawing in the readers and making these characters come off of the page. estory
Comment Written 12-May-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.wilkey,
It looks more like a detective story than a piece of Romance Fiction, but it's moving onward smoothly displaying romantic flashes through nice conversational approach, and it's its plus point.
I'm waiting for the next part.
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Hello Barbara.wilkey,
It looks more like a detective story than a piece of Romance Fiction, but it's moving onward smoothly displaying romantic flashes through nice conversational approach, and it's its plus point.
I'm waiting for the next part.
Comment Written 12-May-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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I don't like the boy meets girl and they jump into bed romances. I like stories that have more substance to them. Thank you.
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Hi Barbara.Wilkey,
"...jump into bed romances." It's is VULGARITY, and no balanced minded person will like it.
Please don't take it otherwise.
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from tfawcus
Lots of theories being bandied about in this chapter. It sounds as if the team is still floundering, but McKenzie and Logan's relationship has developed considerably since the last chapter I read. Interesting.
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Lots of theories being bandied about in this chapter. It sounds as if the team is still floundering, but McKenzie and Logan's relationship has developed considerably since the last chapter I read. Interesting.
Comment Written 12-May-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Not a happy place, her sister will finally rest and the team still has no clue why was she murdered. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Not a happy place, her sister will finally rest and the team still has no clue why was she murdered. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 12-May-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Nice chapter. I love the easy-going nature between these two. They are comfortable being together and it shows. You're doing a really good job there.
Some notes:
1.) When Bill sat at the table, he asked, "Did you learn anything from Megan's text message(s)?"
2.) "(Your) ideas are possible. We just need proof.
3.) They found the amphetamine, GHB(,) at Donny's house.
4.) He was making it and it had the same chemical make-up that was used on you.
--> The formula he used was the same used on you.
Thanks a bunch! Still enjoying!
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Barbara,
Nice chapter. I love the easy-going nature between these two. They are comfortable being together and it shows. You're doing a really good job there.
Some notes:
1.) When Bill sat at the table, he asked, "Did you learn anything from Megan's text message(s)?"
2.) "(Your) ideas are possible. We just need proof.
3.) They found the amphetamine, GHB(,) at Donny's house.
4.) He was making it and it had the same chemical make-up that was used on you.
--> The formula he used was the same used on you.
Thanks a bunch! Still enjoying!
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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I made the changes, once again, thank you for the help. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That sets the next part up, I'm sure something is going to go wrong and Mac will be in trouble. It's going to be hard on Logan, though, standing there with his parents, who will now have to face the truth that their daughter has been murdered. That is something I would struggle with. If I thought someone had murdered either of my sons, I'd go to the gas chamber happily if I had the chance to kill whoever killed my child. Excellent chapter, Barbara. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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That sets the next part up, I'm sure something is going to go wrong and Mac will be in trouble. It's going to be hard on Logan, though, standing there with his parents, who will now have to face the truth that their daughter has been murdered. That is something I would struggle with. If I thought someone had murdered either of my sons, I'd go to the gas chamber happily if I had the chance to kill whoever killed my child. Excellent chapter, Barbara. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sally Law
Another fine chapter. (I'm sorry to be so behind. My life is crazy right now. Thankfully, I have stored much of my writing since January.) I see the emotional ties are forming between Mackenzie and Logan in their crime-solving. I hope she changes her mind and goes to the funeral. A good sign that Logan wants things to progress. Good stuff.
A few small items for polishing.
-"...by whom."
-"I know that." (End quote missing here.)
-The average reader is not going to know what GHB is. I would clarify this section. "The amphetamine, GHB, ...."
Amphetamines have been known to alter judgment, stimulate the central nervous system, and drive people to murder. This will help the reader in understanding how these violent crimes are linked.
Sending my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Another fine chapter. (I'm sorry to be so behind. My life is crazy right now. Thankfully, I have stored much of my writing since January.) I see the emotional ties are forming between Mackenzie and Logan in their crime-solving. I hope she changes her mind and goes to the funeral. A good sign that Logan wants things to progress. Good stuff.
A few small items for polishing.
-"...by whom."
-"I know that." (End quote missing here.)
-The average reader is not going to know what GHB is. I would clarify this section. "The amphetamine, GHB, ...."
Amphetamines have been known to alter judgment, stimulate the central nervous system, and drive people to murder. This will help the reader in understanding how these violent crimes are linked.
Sending my best today as always,
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Thank you for the catches. I have made the corrections. I always appreciate help.
Comment from susand3022
Hi, Barbara... I'm feeling as if the first thing I ought to say is, "Famous last words..." "What could possibly go wrong?" indeed... I'm in the way of thinking that something's going to go very badly wrong.
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Hi, Barbara... I'm feeling as if the first thing I ought to say is, "Famous last words..." "What could possibly go wrong?" indeed... I'm in the way of thinking that something's going to go very badly wrong.
Comment Written 11-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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It is going to go really wrong. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ben Colder
Well. I never! LOL. These young people and their fancies. Look as if Parks is ex[posed to be the man. Now what is this girl about to get her-self into
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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Well. I never! LOL. These young people and their fancies. Look as if Parks is ex[posed to be the man. Now what is this girl about to get her-self into
Comment Written 10-May-2020
reply by the author on 11-May-2020
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I'll never tell. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
