Haiku (raindrops drench)
Under 17 syllables16 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your haiku is in great form. I enjoyed reading your well-crafted poem. Your words flow smoothly creating their own picture. I like the play on the word 'poor.' Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
  |
Your haiku is in great form. I enjoyed reading your well-crafted poem. Your words flow smoothly creating their own picture. I like the play on the word 'poor.' Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
-
Thank you Jan. ~DD
Comment from Mark D. R.
DD
I like the total presentation for your short verse contest entry.
Whether intentional or not, I read 'pour' as 'poor' in your satori as a double entendre.
Mark
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
|
DD
I like the total presentation for your short verse contest entry.
Whether intentional or not, I read 'pour' as 'poor' in your satori as a double entendre.
Mark
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
-
Thank you Mark. ~DD
Comment from rama devi
What a fun pun. Unique imagery and scene. Excellent form, word economy and alliteration. Fine presentation too. This made me chuckle.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
|
What a fun pun. Unique imagery and scene. Excellent form, word economy and alliteration. Fine presentation too. This made me chuckle.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
-
Thank you RD. ~DDx
-
:-))))
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
raindrops drench
riverbed made in haste
a pour effort
This is an excellent haiku. The season I am taking as spring, the imagery is spot on without the picture. Then the satori using play on words.
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
|
raindrops drench
riverbed made in haste
a pour effort
This is an excellent haiku. The season I am taking as spring, the imagery is spot on without the picture. Then the satori using play on words.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
-
Thank you, Barb. ~DD
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Superb! Your Haiku is so well written and the satori just finishes it all off perfectly with the 'pour effect.' Loved that! I think you have a strong entry for this contest, and I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
|
Superb! Your Haiku is so well written and the satori just finishes it all off perfectly with the 'pour effect.' Loved that! I think you have a strong entry for this contest, and I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 12-May-2020
-
Thank you, Sandra. ~DDxx
Comment from Pantygynt
A brilliant satori line with a double meaning however one spells it. To my mind this meets the requirements of English language Haiku perfectly. A commendable effort.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
|
A brilliant satori line with a double meaning however one spells it. To my mind this meets the requirements of English language Haiku perfectly. A commendable effort.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
-
I know, I know... it has taken me a long while to say thank you for your thoughtful review Jim. I think you are the only one that truly - got - this haiku of mine. I appreciate it. Sorry if I have not been reviewing your work. I have been absent of time - space - mojo but have been writing randomly on other bits. I hope you are well. ~DD
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with your haiku, Diana! I like your pun at the end - a good satori. It seems that the autumn rains have suddenly restored a river. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
|
Great job with your haiku, Diana! I like your pun at the end - a good satori. It seems that the autumn rains have suddenly restored a river. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
-
Hello Helen, I have not forgotten you. It has taken me a while to say thank you for the last review on my haiku. I have been somewhat absent and know I need to jump back on the FanStory horse to get going again. I hope all is well with you. ~DDx
-
DD! you're okay! Hooray! Thanks for replying! 💓
-
Alive and ticking :-) xxx
-
And hope all is well! 💕
-
Yes, all is well. Constantly washing my hands like a mad woman. I lost my mojo a bit but have been writing randomly and entering a couple of contests off site. I find the constant reviewing in order to gain visual dollars too time consuming and takes me away from actually writing. It can get frustrating too when people write their reviews and it is an empty gesture. I tend to try and be more helpful but lose time in the process. I shall not disappear though as I like FanStory and all that it can offer. It has helped me with my writing and still does and I have lovely friends like you now :-) xxx
-
I understand. I have great intentions to edit and publish my children's books but can't seem to juggle that and write here. Always happy to see you when you can be back here.💗
-
Helen, you have spent time getting a children?s book underway. It is time to take a breather from FS - even if it is for one month - and look at completing your children?s book. Just think how happy children will feel reading it and how happy that will make you feel :-)
I have had to step back, for many reasons, but it also allows me to branch out and see where my faults lay in writing. I have a lot of work to do in it but I shall just persevere as best I can given the present situations. ~Dxx
-
Great advice! I guess I am stuck here 1) because of getting to know great people 2) posting and reviewing seems to have the immediate gratification that editing does not. 😊
-
Remember all the efforts you have already put in to the book. Edit in small slots so it does get done over a period of time. FS will always be here :-) xxx
-
Okay, I guess I'll try to wean myself here but it did help me write because before FS I wouldn't write more than a couple times a year. 😊
Comment from amada
This is a very smartly written haiku. I think I get the thread. I am studying the correlation between "haste" and "pour" effect.This is a very artistic haiku. The artwork is calming and very beautiful.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
|
This is a very smartly written haiku. I think I get the thread. I am studying the correlation between "haste" and "pour" effect.This is a very artistic haiku. The artwork is calming and very beautiful.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
-
Thank you for taking the time to review my short haiku Amada. Apologies for the late response. ~DD
Comment from Sally Law
It must be Fall where you are. A beautiful Haiku for the the contest. We get a lot of pouring rain here, too, that time of year. This should do very well, if not snag the win in the competition.
My best to you, dear DD!
Sal xoxo
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
|
It must be Fall where you are. A beautiful Haiku for the the contest. We get a lot of pouring rain here, too, that time of year. This should do very well, if not snag the win in the competition.
My best to you, dear DD!
Sal xoxo
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
-
Hi Sal, sorry for the very late response to say thank you for your thoughtful review on my haiku. I have been absent, as you might have guessed by now but know I need to jump back into FanStory before I lose my ability to rhyme. Hope you are well. ~DD
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Beautiful cover image for such a beautiful piece of Haiku. Wonderfully written! I want to ask, did you mean poor effort or pour effort. I totally understand that the "pour" has to do with water, since your Haiku tends to that. But if indeed it's pour you meant, you may want to look for a better replacement; the "pour" doesn't sound so well in that line.
Nevertheless, my best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
|
Beautiful cover image for such a beautiful piece of Haiku. Wonderfully written! I want to ask, did you mean poor effort or pour effort. I totally understand that the "pour" has to do with water, since your Haiku tends to that. But if indeed it's pour you meant, you may want to look for a better replacement; the "pour" doesn't sound so well in that line.
Nevertheless, my best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2020
-
Thank you for taking the time to review my haiku. I apologies for the late response. I did mean pour - it was a play on words. Kind regards ~DD
