Beyond Despair
In these troubled times it helps to express our feelings9 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Decker
I like your poem. It is sad, yet you state living is better than being dust. It gives the reader, who may be depressed at times too, a little hope that are lives will turn out ok. Excellent poem. Good luck
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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I like your poem. It is sad, yet you state living is better than being dust. It gives the reader, who may be depressed at times too, a little hope that are lives will turn out ok. Excellent poem. Good luck
Comment Written 16-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the 5 star review. I basically prefer to dwell on the positive and add a touch of humor - Jerry
Comment from The_Boy_Whodunnit
This definitely fits the sad prompt. I like the way you have used description throughout, it creates a really vivid picture. My only advice would be to change and find to finding on the second line. and is a word that never really adds much to a poem but takes up space and I think should try to be avoided, so each word means something and adds something. I think with it being in such a prominent position, too.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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This definitely fits the sad prompt. I like the way you have used description throughout, it creates a really vivid picture. My only advice would be to change and find to finding on the second line. and is a word that never really adds much to a poem but takes up space and I think should try to be avoided, so each word means something and adds something. I think with it being in such a prominent position, too.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the 5 star review and your suggestion
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sad poem about the situation we are finding ourselves in. When we cannot find some humor in an already bad situation then we will surely go insane.
NS: since the first day of lockdown a pipe burst and I could not find a plumber, so I turned off the tap to stop the leak, and find a way around not using that toilet now for eighteen days.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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A very well-written sad poem about the situation we are finding ourselves in. When we cannot find some humor in an already bad situation then we will surely go insane.
NS: since the first day of lockdown a pipe burst and I could not find a plumber, so I turned off the tap to stop the leak, and find a way around not using that toilet now for eighteen days.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the 5 star review and perhaps on the bright side you are using less toilet paper - LOL - seriously hope you find a plumber.
Comment from D.S. Knight
1. Although there are some commonly expressed sentiments here, not everyone has your courage to express them publicly. Good for you.
2. This piece would have flowed better with punctuation properly placed
3. Not being familiar with "Judge Judy's fable" this line puzzled me with no respite
4. The freedom of interpretation using no punctuation may justify the practice
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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1. Although there are some commonly expressed sentiments here, not everyone has your courage to express them publicly. Good for you.
2. This piece would have flowed better with punctuation properly placed
3. Not being familiar with "Judge Judy's fable" this line puzzled me with no respite
4. The freedom of interpretation using no punctuation may justify the practice
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Welcome to FS
Comment from Roberta Lawrinsky
The first two couplets have surprise as well as light humor &
lead the reader to expect a build up.
The third rhyme is too easy & leaves the reader to question the rhyme of 'funnel' instead of accepting the contrasting outcome.
Suggestion: change the word order??
'I know at the end of the tunnel there's light...
But why must I go through this darkness each night
Fourth couplet suggestion:
'The treacherous storm has ripped out my power
I have no idea of what to do for an hour
Whatever you decide, the contrast between dramatic event & ordinary response is well done.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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The first two couplets have surprise as well as light humor &
lead the reader to expect a build up.
The third rhyme is too easy & leaves the reader to question the rhyme of 'funnel' instead of accepting the contrasting outcome.
Suggestion: change the word order??
'I know at the end of the tunnel there's light...
But why must I go through this darkness each night
Fourth couplet suggestion:
'The treacherous storm has ripped out my power
I have no idea of what to do for an hour
Whatever you decide, the contrast between dramatic event & ordinary response is well done.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Thank you for your 5 star review and the very good suggestions.
Comment from susand3022
I hate to tell you, Author, but today was the day for the "shiny-shiny-shiny red truck!" I thought I was going to drop the bed! (I was moving my bedroom around... Oh, Judy! I told my son to hang on... I had to see this. "I've been seeing this commercial for AGES!" -When she's done, I'm haunting the Bird House!)... lol... Wanna' come? LOL Now that I know what neck of the woods you're in... mine... you'll have to let me know where you're at! :)
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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I hate to tell you, Author, but today was the day for the "shiny-shiny-shiny red truck!" I thought I was going to drop the bed! (I was moving my bedroom around... Oh, Judy! I told my son to hang on... I had to see this. "I've been seeing this commercial for AGES!" -When she's done, I'm haunting the Bird House!)... lol... Wanna' come? LOL Now that I know what neck of the woods you're in... mine... you'll have to let me know where you're at! :)
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the five star review and your very serious comments (LOL) hope you recover soon
Comment from joycetreasures
Hello,
Beyond Despair is a sad poem with not knowing if we are sane or headed to insanity, especially during this pandemic. I love honesty and I feel your pain or your feelings. There are so many unknowns today in our world. Stay home, Go to Work, Eat Today or no Pay your Hospital bill is how many people feel today. Yes, it makes one want to use profanity daily. This is a sad time and in our world today, and people feel somewhat despair. Your poem was able to show the despair people are feeling. Good job! I love the photo of the candle which I see as HOPE!. Your poem last line is funny regarding not being able to see Judge Judy's fable. Take care. Happy writing:-)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Hello,
Beyond Despair is a sad poem with not knowing if we are sane or headed to insanity, especially during this pandemic. I love honesty and I feel your pain or your feelings. There are so many unknowns today in our world. Stay home, Go to Work, Eat Today or no Pay your Hospital bill is how many people feel today. Yes, it makes one want to use profanity daily. This is a sad time and in our world today, and people feel somewhat despair. Your poem was able to show the despair people are feeling. Good job! I love the photo of the candle which I see as HOPE!. Your poem last line is funny regarding not being able to see Judge Judy's fable. Take care. Happy writing:-)
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the five stars, your kind words and expressing your concerns. I feel flattered that you are comfortable expressing your feelings. Stay well and stay positive.
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You are welcome. Stay safe, healthy and home. Happy writing:-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile here and I liked your sense of humour in this poem, albeit a sad poem contest, I thought you did a fine job here! Good Luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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You made me smile here and I liked your sense of humour in this poem, albeit a sad poem contest, I thought you did a fine job here! Good Luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the 5 star review and i am glad that it made you smile. Even during this elongated period of house-arrest, I try not to dwell on negatives. Thanks again.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
LOL!!! Plug in the phone charger and 'Google' it!! ;) LOL! I know this is a sad offering, but your formatting/rhythm has me grinning over here... great job!! ;) Best of luck in the contest! ;)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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LOL!!! Plug in the phone charger and 'Google' it!! ;) LOL! I know this is a sad offering, but your formatting/rhythm has me grinning over here... great job!! ;) Best of luck in the contest! ;)
Comment Written 14-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the 5 star review and I am glad that you enjoyed it. I really try hard not to dwell on negatives - even the current "house-arrest" has some positives. During the short time that i have been on FS, you have reviewed several my works and I have learned to respect your comments. Thanks
