haiku (electric fingers)
5-7-5 haiku poem16 total reviews
Comment from Rubylou
Hello DD,
It's been a while since I've been on FS.
What a great haiku to come back to! Such powerful imagery to describe an impending thunderstorm.
Nice vivid you paint with your words.
The image complements your work well.
Rubylou
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Hello DD,
It's been a while since I've been on FS.
What a great haiku to come back to! Such powerful imagery to describe an impending thunderstorm.
Nice vivid you paint with your words.
The image complements your work well.
Rubylou
Comment Written 10-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Rubylou, so good to hear from you and even more so to receive your sparkling six stars. Thank you so very much. I too have been away from FS. Life is taking a tight grip but I am trying to worm my way back into the fold. I hope all is well with you. Kindest regards. ~DD
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku about the electric fingers of lightning seen through the dark clouds ready to pour out water after the rumbling belly let us know the time has come.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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A very well-written haiku about the electric fingers of lightning seen through the dark clouds ready to pour out water after the rumbling belly let us know the time has come.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Thank you for taking the time to review my short poem. ~DD
Comment from Aussie
This is a great nature Haiku for the contest, I wish you all the very best with your entry. Tongue-in-cheek...maybe someone in charge of the lightning storms ahead had bad wind. Electric fingers rubbing belly to ease the oncoming storm? Well done DD.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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This is a great nature Haiku for the contest, I wish you all the very best with your entry. Tongue-in-cheek...maybe someone in charge of the lightning storms ahead had bad wind. Electric fingers rubbing belly to ease the oncoming storm? Well done DD.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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K ~ Thank you so much for your kind review. ~Dx
Comment from June Sargent
Electric fingers that will play some pretty loud music! Vivid imagery captured in a few short lines. Very well crafted haiku with great artwork. I enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Electric fingers that will play some pretty loud music! Vivid imagery captured in a few short lines. Very well crafted haiku with great artwork. I enjoyed this.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Thank you June. Your reviews are always appreciated. Kindest regards ~DDx
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi DD. Best of luck in the contest with this fine entry. Electric storms are scary. The bolts do resemble fingers sometimes, especially in the accompany image. I like the use of electric/surge/lightning. Marilyn
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Hi DD. Best of luck in the contest with this fine entry. Electric storms are scary. The bolts do resemble fingers sometimes, especially in the accompany image. I like the use of electric/surge/lightning. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Thank you Marilyn for taking the time to review my haiku poem. As always, your comments are very much appreciated ~DD
Comment from amada
This is a vbery descriptive haiku, very descriptive in this restrictive form of 5-7-5 syllables. I like a lot the phrase about the eclectic fingers, for sure, very dramatic and descriptive. This is an excellent work.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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This is a vbery descriptive haiku, very descriptive in this restrictive form of 5-7-5 syllables. I like a lot the phrase about the eclectic fingers, for sure, very dramatic and descriptive. This is an excellent work.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Thank you, amada, for taking the time to view my haiku. Your comments are appreciated. ~DD
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your contest entry. Good job with the syllable count per line. The color scheme works well. Your words do paint a picture for readers. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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I enjoyed your contest entry. Good job with the syllable count per line. The color scheme works well. Your words do paint a picture for readers. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Thank you, Jan, for taking the time to review my haiku poem. My response is a bit late but your comments are very much appreciated. ~DD
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello PoemsOfDD
I like your haiku how you tell us how the lighting surges in the darkness of night giving a warning a storm is approaching.
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Hello PoemsOfDD
I like your haiku how you tell us how the lighting surges in the darkness of night giving a warning a storm is approaching.
Gert
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Gert, thank you so much for your thoughtful review. It is very much appreciated. ~DD
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You are PoemsOfDD
Gert
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You are welcome PoemsOfDD
Gert
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You are welcome
You are welcome~DD
Gert
Comment from lyenochka
What a perfect picture for your haiku! I can see the "electric fingers" and the whole personification of the night works well. You give us a seasonal reference with the storm and I like that you have the double entendre of "storm" both as a noun and a verb in the last line. Best wishes in the contest!!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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What a perfect picture for your haiku! I can see the "electric fingers" and the whole personification of the night works well. You give us a seasonal reference with the storm and I like that you have the double entendre of "storm" both as a noun and a verb in the last line. Best wishes in the contest!!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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lyenochka ~ Thank you for your thoughtful review. As always, your comments are very much appreciated. ~DD
Comment from rama devi
Great to see you posting again. I enjoyed the potent imagery, great word economy, and striking presentation (pun intended!) Excellent consonance of S linking all three lines 'sonically'. Love the two word opening. The only place where I see room for improvement is in line two, where the use of OF weakens the word economy slightly. Also, the word DARK is okay but a more unique word would be more potent there.
Example edit:
surge through inky night's body
Just an example. The poem is great as it is...just could be even greater!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Great to see you posting again. I enjoyed the potent imagery, great word economy, and striking presentation (pun intended!) Excellent consonance of S linking all three lines 'sonically'. Love the two word opening. The only place where I see room for improvement is in line two, where the use of OF weakens the word economy slightly. Also, the word DARK is okay but a more unique word would be more potent there.
Example edit:
surge through inky night's body
Just an example. The poem is great as it is...just could be even greater!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 03-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020
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Hey RD, great to hear from you and receive your review. I have been away for quite some time but am now trying to dip my toes back in the waters of writing and reviewing again.
I spent the morning pondering your comments as you are right in the use of the word - of - and so the challenge was set.
Thank you so much for making me think again. I have altered the second line. It was quite a 'eureka' moment :-) You are much appreciated. ~DDxox
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Great edit! Love that personification. Thanks for your gracious response! SO PLEASED BY YOUR EUREKA!
XXOO
