Reviews from

Guilt by association

A man finds himself in a jam for a crime he did not commit.

15 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You started and ended with "Give me twenty!" I think that should give you extra points. And you used twenty at least four times. Quite an engaging story! I wish you the best in the contest!
Wondered why from the sentence below you started narrating instead of continuing the dialogue.
"I was covered and said it was my poker night"
" I studdered," (stuttered)

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 26-Feb-2020
    Keen eye as usual. Thank you for your review and comments. I'll get right on this stuttering business. Good observation--I could have gone on to all dialogue from there.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It's always fun when you can pull strands from 2-3 different sources and weave something new from it! I should have known that alibi was just too perfect. It had to be suspect.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
    Good observation..thank you for the review and comments. Yes--it's just a short story in which you presume his innocence...you don't really know. The story is about what his mind is unraveling. It's in the first person and maybe he's lying. It was fun to spin off Alfred Hitchock.
reply by Darlene Franklin on 26-Feb-2020
    Well done!
Comment from ImaginosBuzzardoDesdinova
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is very Poe-ish. I expect that, like the Imp of the Perverse or the Telltale Heart, that our protagonist-villain would most likely blurt out a confession (and not just Give me twenty) in due time. The reason most literary and cinematic villains are caught is because they can't keep their mouths shut.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
    Thanks for a great review and spot on comments and comparisons.
reply by ImaginosBuzzardoDesdinova on 25-Feb-2020
    you're welcome.
Comment from Ricky1024
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"Guilt by Association"
Is a Sentence Starts the Story contest entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
...
Thanks and good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Still Preaching the Choir here at Fanstory

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
    Thanks,Doctor. Your review and comments are much appreciated.
Comment from humpwhistle
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yes, I've seen several films which spun off from Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train. Your hero does find himself in quite jam.
You might want to read this through again. I noticed some SPAG.

Best of luck at the polls.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
    OK thanks for your review and the warning--I'll have another look.
Comment from Susan Larson
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a clever intriguing story. You hooked me in with your first sentence and kept me captive to the end where you caught me off guard with the sMe words. Good luck!

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
    Thank you so much for your review and comments. I was uncertain if this would work or not, not generally known as a poet, but deeply committed to dark humor.
Comment from Gideon300
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a mess indeed. But an intriguing story. I liked how he unwittingly participated and really he can't confess that to anybody. He's over a barrel and the bill will come due. Great story idea. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 19-Feb-2020
    Thank you so much for your review and comments. Yes, he realizes what a dope he can be...he has committed a crime really and he knows the chickens will come home to roost--one way or another. He fears he'll get off light with only twenty.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well-written story about the sentence starter "Give me twenty...." that provides a murder of an ex wife, an alibi, and a guilt trip caused by a conversation with a stranger who could have killed the ex-wife.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 19-Feb-2020
    Thank you so much for your review. We are, by no means, left with a conclusion. We don't know for certain what happened or why? All we really know is his fear and suspicion. Thanks for your keen remark, "could have killed..."
Comment from Pam Norris
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed this piece. ''Give me twenty'' you incorporated the sentence well at the start and end. It didn't appear contrived. Good luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 19-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 19-Feb-2020
    Thank you for your review and wishes. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is cool story. I can imagine a man in this situation would be appearing guilty and might likely blurt out the wrong thing. it wouldn't pay to ever assume anything about a stranger. Your story flows well and presents a situation that isn't that far fetched.

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2020


reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020
    It's been the plot line of several adaptations starting with Alfred Hitchcock's "Strangers on a Train." I myself was in an adaptation of that movie playing the belligerent cop. It's less than 10 minutes if you care to take a peek. Thank you for your review. It's, no doubt been tried as a copycat murder more than once.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avX-HbW2I6s