Dinner Is Served
Forever...12 total reviews
Comment from Tanvi Pauddar
WOW!!!!!!!
This is so good!!! I like how it ends so differently. I thought he wouldn't have fangs and bite her, but then it was like an unexpected twist in the story!!! I don't know how you came up with that idea, but it's SUPER cool!!!! I just LOVED this story!!!!!
-Tanvi Pauddar :)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
WOW!!!!!!!
This is so good!!! I like how it ends so differently. I thought he wouldn't have fangs and bite her, but then it was like an unexpected twist in the story!!! I don't know how you came up with that idea, but it's SUPER cool!!!! I just LOVED this story!!!!!
-Tanvi Pauddar :)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2020
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Thank you sweetie, I've not been on the site recently, but hope to be back to writing soon. :) xoxoxoxo
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You're welcome! Since school's out now, I finally get some time to just write. Otherwise I come back, to homework, go to classes, and do all that stuff that didn't let me write. So I now just enjoy the time I get to write, knowing that when/if we have to actually go to school next year, I won't get to. The only thing is, we missed out on a lot of stuff we were going to do, like the poetry reading, where I was going to read your poem out loud. But that got canceled, too. I was so looking forward to it :)
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So glad though that you got a break to be able to spend some time writing. I'll try sometime this week to get on when not at work and check some of your work out that I've missed. xoxoxoxoxox
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Yeah, I'm really happy I have all this time to write. That's why I love summer break! :)
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is a well written story for the "My Bloody Valentine" event. Nice handsome man, beautiful woman, a good build up right until the end when she gets bitten by the vampire. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
This is a well written story for the "My Bloody Valentine" event. Nice handsome man, beautiful woman, a good build up right until the end when she gets bitten by the vampire. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2020
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Thank you! Appreciate you enjoyed! I?m a novice at story writing, but they say practice makes perfect (well maybe not perfect - lol). xoxo
Comment from Ricky1024
"Dinner is Served"
A Club Entry.
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
(And blood!)
...
It read well and flowed well with Delicious Type A!
It also was surpring til the steak dinner!
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks and good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
"Dinner is Served"
A Club Entry.
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
(And blood!)
...
It read well and flowed well with Delicious Type A!
It also was surpring til the steak dinner!
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks and good luck with this.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Haha! Thank you for checking g out my humble attempt at horror! xoxo
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It was a wonderful in a Bela Lugosi way!
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Ah! Dear old Bela! Now those were the days of true horror!!! :)
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That blood Sucker!
Sucked the life, with Frankenstein's Monster the hell out of me as a kid!
Yuck!
The closet door in my bedroom?
I'd opening again!
The Mummy!
Naw, just my mommy!
Comment from judiverse
If someone appears too good to be true, he may be a vampire. You gave a great build up, and I didn't realize what was coming until the last few paragraphs. (The bloody steak was a clue.) Great job with this assignment. If I may make a suggestion. I noticed repeated use of "was" and wondered if you could find some action verbs to replace the repetitions. That might help work in the details more smoothly. judi
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
If someone appears too good to be true, he may be a vampire. You gave a great build up, and I didn't realize what was coming until the last few paragraphs. (The bloody steak was a clue.) Great job with this assignment. If I may make a suggestion. I noticed repeated use of "was" and wondered if you could find some action verbs to replace the repetitions. That might help work in the details more smoothly. judi
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Ok, thanks for that suggestion! I'll review it and see how i can change! appreciate very much! Happy Valentine's Day!
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You're very welcome. And a Happy Valentine's Day to you. It's so easy to fall into using being verbs, but action verbs provide more bang for the buck. judi
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I appreciate! when i went back to review, it is amazing to see how many times "was" was there! I tried to change some of the sentences so they would read differently so i could take that out. I think its slimmed down a bit better now! xoxo
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Diana, a TGIfriday to you. I hope this finds you well. I liked your story, it was an enjoyable read. What I thought was going to be a typical valentine's day romance story turned out to be a vampire story in disguise. Nice work and have a great day!
Happy Valentine's Day!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
Hello Diana, a TGIfriday to you. I hope this finds you well. I liked your story, it was an enjoyable read. What I thought was going to be a typical valentine's day romance story turned out to be a vampire story in disguise. Nice work and have a great day!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thanks much! Prose if not my forte, but I do like learning more about writing it! appreciate your feedback, and Happy Valentine's Day to you also! xoxo
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
Generally this is a well-written piece. There's a nice tone to the write and it develops well, apart from a coupe of things.
There's no real suspense in the piece as it is all telegraphed right from the description line. The restaurant name may be clever but it's too revealing. It's almost akin to 'house of blood'.
As she hung up the phone, Gabrielle's pulse raced like a teenager falling in love for the first time. She had spent the last year caring for her ailing mother who had passed away a few months ago.- there's a change of perspective here for a couple of paragraphs and then it swings back again. Generally it's not a good idea to mix perspective in the same scene. It may be better to separate them out with a centred # or suchlike.
Inside, the restaurant was dark and romatic,- romantic.
Marvel's steak was quite rare and bloody. - Marcel's.
The writing is good as is the description. It flows well but too on-the-nose.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
hi there,
Generally this is a well-written piece. There's a nice tone to the write and it develops well, apart from a coupe of things.
There's no real suspense in the piece as it is all telegraphed right from the description line. The restaurant name may be clever but it's too revealing. It's almost akin to 'house of blood'.
As she hung up the phone, Gabrielle's pulse raced like a teenager falling in love for the first time. She had spent the last year caring for her ailing mother who had passed away a few months ago.- there's a change of perspective here for a couple of paragraphs and then it swings back again. Generally it's not a good idea to mix perspective in the same scene. It may be better to separate them out with a centred # or suchlike.
Inside, the restaurant was dark and romatic,- romantic.
Marvel's steak was quite rare and bloody. - Marcel's.
The writing is good as is the description. It flows well but too on-the-nose.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much! I sincerely appreciate the information! I?m a poet and just learning how to write in prose. I owe you a nomination when beg of month gets here and I?m renewed! xoxo
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
You had me on the alert button throughout this story. The man friend turned out to be a vampire. Wouldn't this make a good book? I was thinking of Dark shadows...did you ever see the tv series?
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
You had me on the alert button throughout this story. The man friend turned out to be a vampire. Wouldn't this make a good book? I was thinking of Dark shadows...did you ever see the tv series?
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Oh yes, we used to play Dark Shadows as a kid the woods when we would go to my aunt and uncle's. They even brought a newer version not long ago, but now I cant remember if it was Netflix or something like that! I am an amateur writer, but I like to try my hand at it. I started the "horror club" as the other one was taken down. And when I started, the man of horror who passed away not long ago, Dean Kuch, got me addicted to trying horror! :) thanks for checking it out! xoxo
Comment from Sally Law
Ahhhhhh!!!! I just knew it was too good to be true. The name--a vampire for sure!! The hair upswept. Eternal bliss indeed.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sal xoxoxo
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
Ahhhhhh!!!! I just knew it was too good to be true. The name--a vampire for sure!! The hair upswept. Eternal bliss indeed.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the contest,
Sal xoxoxo
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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Oh, yes, vamps are so romantically evil! haha! Happy Valentine's Day my friend! thanks for checking out my bloody story! :) xoxo
Comment from Larry5000
Well Well another side to you perhaps. I did not know you was into stories as well. I was beginning to wonder where the violence warning was coming into play, then I guess it hit me at the end. Vampires shall we say. I think you said once you like the horror stuff to some degree. Is this your first attempt at the story side of things? Was this considered a very short story or is this just a small excerpt to a much larger story? Just wondering.
I am not much of a writer from the story side of things however within my Independent cyber Star Trek club, Myself and a few others have wrote stories about the ship and crew, some stuff is still being written. I think one or two things may be up here as a chapter in one or two of our books I can find them if you are interested, if not that is OK too.
Good job , loved reading what you wrote.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
Well Well another side to you perhaps. I did not know you was into stories as well. I was beginning to wonder where the violence warning was coming into play, then I guess it hit me at the end. Vampires shall we say. I think you said once you like the horror stuff to some degree. Is this your first attempt at the story side of things? Was this considered a very short story or is this just a small excerpt to a much larger story? Just wondering.
I am not much of a writer from the story side of things however within my Independent cyber Star Trek club, Myself and a few others have wrote stories about the ship and crew, some stuff is still being written. I think one or two things may be up here as a chapter in one or two of our books I can find them if you are interested, if not that is OK too.
Good job , loved reading what you wrote.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2020
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I started a horror club after last one was take down. This is for the Feb prompt. I have only written a few stories. Just trying to develop the skill! Thank you for checking it out! xoxo
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Alrighty then. :-)
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And yes, send me the info on those chapters also! xoxo
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This link I believe has 4 chapters to them. https://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?hd=1&id=279073
And this one has a Prologue and 5 chapters. https://www.fanstory.com/chapterdetails.jsp?id=19767 I was already told of how long the Prologue is and I should make it much shorter. Maybe even some of the chapters might be a bit long. I would say the one with the prologue just skip that and go right to the 1st chapter. It is up to you how much or how little you want to read. Not sure if you even care about any of this or if you even like Star Trek but these two different stories about my ship and crew as a real club. The one chapter in the "A Time for Change" book alludes to a Captain in the real Star Trek Universe that I have an interaction with.
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ok, thanks, I'll check later tonight when I get home from work or on Sunday when I have more time to read. Thanks for sending!
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No problem, your welcome
Comment from Drew Delaney
Wow! This Valentines story turned into a Halloween one. LOL
Some nits here:
she seem to have (ed on seem)
they were serve with little waiting time (served)
as the slowly swayed to the music. (they rather then the)
This is a delightful kinda flash fiction story. You did a wonderful job writing. Happy Valentines Day!
Drew x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
Wow! This Valentines story turned into a Halloween one. LOL
Some nits here:
she seem to have (ed on seem)
they were serve with little waiting time (served)
as the slowly swayed to the music. (they rather then the)
This is a delightful kinda flash fiction story. You did a wonderful job writing. Happy Valentines Day!
Drew x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020
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Well, I believe I can now respond to this awesome review which was so helpful! Thank you so much!! xoxo